THIRTEEN
Will Applies the Framework at Home
I RAISED MY glass of wine to toast my wife. âTo more days like this one!â
Jenny raised her eyebrows at me. âThings go well today?â She sipped her own wine with less ceremony.
I nodded. âThey did. The whole last week has been pretty good. At least I think so. We wonât know for sure until weâve had these new programs in place for a while and seen what happens with the results. But weâre already seeing some behavior changes, and assuming we were right about which behaviors will give us the results we want, life should be sweet. Weâll just have to stick with it now and reap the rewards.â I was certainly hoping that would be the case. Weâd invested quite a bit of time going down this particular road, and it wasnât as if we had any better ideas. I wasnât worried. Not at all. No, wait, I had it backward. I was completely worried. But then, thatâs what the wine was for. I took another sip.
My wife gave me a speculative look. âNow that youâre a professional at this, why donât we take a moment to apply it to the home front?â
My worried feeling notched upward. âWhat did you have in mind?â
Jenny pursed her lips. âIâve got lots of stuff in mind, mostly related to the kids.â
âThe kids? Those two little angels who float about our household spreading good cheer and happy dust? What possible application could this performance management stuff have for our lovely children?â
âYes, hard to imagine, isnât it? But if the whole system of rewards and punishment and learning history and results is improving things at work, why wouldnât we try it at home?â
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. âI donât know, honey. Wouldnât it seem as if we were training them like pets or something?â
âOh, so itâs OK to treat your work people like pets?â She shifted gears. âAnyway, when it comes right down to it, we are. And I have no issues with it. I donât think thereâs anything wrong with analyzing the situation around some of their behaviors and changing some things so that we all get the results we want.â
I was still hesitant. Somehow it seemed different to apply this stuff to our kids, even though the intellectual part of my brain (small though it may be) was telling me the way the whole world runs could be explained by this framework. âHow about an example?â I suggested. âWhat kind of behavior are we talking about? Is someone peeing on the carpet?â
Jenny laughed. âItâs hard to start with just one. But yes, letâs not try and change the world overnight. Letâs start with some simple things that you donât see. Like your son.â
âOur son,â I corrected.
âHeâs your son in these discussions, Will. And you donât see a lot of these behaviors because Iâm the one who looks after our kids most of the time. Like getting them up in the morning.â
âOK,â I said, unsure exactly whether she was saying it was my fault she was the primary caregiver. âWhatâs the problem there?â
Jenny made an exasperated noise. âIf you asked me what the most stressful thing is about my day, apart from hearing you talk about moving the family to Indonesia every night after work, itâs nagging the kids out of bed every morning. You never see it, because youâve already left for work by then.â
âSeriously?â I asked. âItâs that bad?â
âYou have no idea, my dear.â
âBut they have alarm clocks,â I said, puzzled. Well, they have phones that act like alarm clocks not to mention every other small household appliance. âHow can this be an issue? They set their alarms, the alarm wakes them, they get up.â
Jenny doesnât generally get mad enough to shout at me, but sheâs even scarier when she talks quietly. âI canât believe what Iâm hearing, Will. Iâm telling you, this is a problem. Itâs a problem for me. I donât sit here and tell you youâre an idiot for paying your salespeople to sell products below cost and putting yourself out of business, do I? We all find ourselves in situations that arenât what weâd like, and I thought Marthaâs coaching was supposed to be applicable to all kinds of situations. Maybe what happens around here isnât important enough for you to think about?â
I wasnât so thick I couldnât work out the answer to that one. âOK, honey, I get it. Iâm sorry for being an idiot. Iâm overly focused on work these days, youâre right.â I took a deep breath and tried to look both thoughtful and confident. âWell, then. Letâs start with whatâs going on now.â
âOK,â said Jenny.
âSo, whatâs going on now?â
Jenny looked annoyed. âNot listening so well? I just explained that!â
I decided to paraphrase. âWell, youâre saying the kids arenât getting up in the morning, despite having their own alarm clocks. But what happens exactly? They just lie in bed?â
âYes,â said Jenny. âTheir alarms go off, but they either turn them off and go back to sleep or, in Jakeâs case, they sleep right through it. Iâm downstairs in the kitchen, making breakfast and fuming, and finally I go upstairs and yell at them to get moving. Then I make a second trip, more nagging, maybe a third trip, and they finally get up. Then thereâs a mad rush for the bathroom, fighting because they both need to be in there at the same time, a scramble to eat breakfast, and then they run for the bus. Half the time, one of them misses it.â
âSo what happens then?â I asked.
Jenny blew some air out between her pursed lips. âI end up driving them to school, which makes me late for work.â
âHoney,â I interrupted, âyouâre a freelance writer. You work from home. How can you be late for work?â
âWill, as you well know, I treat working from home just like Iâm going into an office. I want to be sitting at my desk, working, by 9:00 a.m.! When I end up driving the kids, I mess up my morning, and it frustrates the hell out of me. I have deadlines to meet and a household to run. In case you havenât noticed, I take care of all the errands, housekeeping, shopping, and cooking for the family. Plus I do writing assignments. I may not go to an office, but I still work!â
I held up my hands. âIâm sorry. I do get it. Anyway, it doesnât matter. What matters is we have a situation that isnât working and we need to change it. Letâs apply the model. Whatâs the result we want to get?â
Jenny thought about it for a minute. âWell, I want to get the kids out the door on time. And I donât want to be the big nag I always am. I want them to get themselves up and ready for school without me hounding them. Iâm happy to make breakfast and get their lunches together, but I want them to get themselves out of bed and downstairs in time to eat and get out the door on time, so I donât have to drive them. And I donât want to own the whole process. I want them to take responsibility for it.â
I nodded in what I hoped was a sympathetic manner. âOK, so thatâs where we want to get to. Letâs look at what happens now.â I went to the drawer beside the sink and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. âIf weâre going to analyze this, letâs do it right.â
At that moment, Jake strolled into the kitchen. âWhatcha doing?â he asked.
I looked at Jenny. She shrugged. âWhy shouldnât he hear this? Itâs not as if weâre going to do anything he isnât going to know about.â
Jake looked from me to his mother and back again. âHow many glasses of wine have you guys had?â
I said, âNot that many, Jake. Have a seat. Weâre just applying some ideas that Iâve been using at work to some stuff here at home.â
Jake looked suspicious. âWhat kind of stuff here at home?â
âThe morning routine,â I told him.
âReally? Do we have to?â
Jenny looked as if she might be about to throttle Jake, so I slapped the paper down in front of them and quickly sketched out:
âWhatâs that?â Jake asked.
I quickly walked him through the performance model, starting with âResultâ and working backward. When I was done, he complained, âIâm not sure I like where this is going. That consequence thing sounds bad.â
I said, âDonât worry about good or bad. Letâs ...