Stick Boy liked Match Girl,
he liked her a lot.
He liked her cute figure,
he thought she was hot.
But could a flame ever burn
for a match and a stick?
It did quite literally;
he burned up pretty quick.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith had a wonderful life.
They were a normal, happy husband and wife.
One day they got news that made Mr. Smith glad.
Mrs. Smith would be a mom,
which would make him a dad!
But something was wrong with their bundle of joy.
It wasn’t human at all,
it was a robot boy!
He wasn’t warm and cuddly
and he didn’t have skin.
Instead, there was a cold, thin layer of tin.
There were wires and tubes sticking out of his head.
He just lay there and stared,
not living or dead.
The only time he seemed alive at all
was with a long extension cord
plugged into the wall.
Mr. Smith yelled at the doctor,
“What have you done to my boy?
He’s not flesh and blood,
he’s aluminium alloy!”
The doctor said gently,
“What I’m going to say
will sound pretty wild.
But you’re not the father
of this strange-looking child.
You see, there still is some question
about the child’s gender,
but we think that its father
is a microwave blender.”
The Smiths’ lives were now filled
with misery and strife.
Mrs. Smith hated her husband,
and he hated his wife.
He never forgave her unholy alliance:
a sexual encounter
with a kitchen appliance.
And Robot Boy
grew to be a young man.
Though he was often mistaken
for a garbage can.
I once knew a girl
who would just stand there and stare.
At anyone or anything,
she seemed not to care.
She’d stare at the ground,
She’d stare at the sky.
She’d stare at you for hours,
and you’d never know why.
But after winning the local staring contest,
she finally gave her eyes
a well-deserved rest.
The Boy with Nails in His Eyes
put up his aluminum tree.
It looked pretty strange
because he couldn’t really see.
One day in the park
I had quite a surprise.
I met a girl
who had many eyes.
She was really quite pretty
(and also quite shocking!)
and I noticed she had a mouth,
so we ended up talking.
We talked about flowers,
and her poetry classes,
and the problems she’d have
if she ever wore glasses.
It’s great to know a girl
who has so many eyes,
but you really get wet
when she breaks down and cries.
Of all the super heroes,
the strangest one by far,
doesn’t have a special power,
or drive a fancy car.
Next to Superman and Batman,
I guess he must seem tame.
But to me he is quite special,
and Stain Boy is his name.
He can’t fly around tall buildings,
or outrun a speeding train,
the only talent he seems to have
is to leave a nasty stain.
Sometimes I know it bothers him,
that he can’t run or swim or fly,
and because of this one ability,
his dry cleaning bill’s sky-high.
He proposed in the dunes,
they were wed by the sea,
their nine-day-long honeymoon
was on the isle of Capri.
For their supper they had one spectacular dish–
a simmering stew of mollusks and fish.
And while he savored the broth,
her bride’s heart made a wish.
That wish did come true – she gave birth to a baby.
But was this little one human?
Well,
maybe.