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Beating the Workplace Bully
Lynne Curry
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eBook - ePub
Beating the Workplace Bully
Lynne Curry
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Whether you're the target of manipulation, intimidation, verbal abuse, or deliberate humiliation, Beating the Workplace Bully will show you how to fight back.
Bullies aren't just limited to the playground. Now they roam around from the boardroom to the break room looking to manipulate, intimidate, and humiliate--and eventually ruin your career! This book is your ammunition for fighting back.
Whether the bully is a boss or a coworker, this empowering guide will help you recognize what has been causing you to become a victim, then reveals how to:
- Avoid typical bully traps
- Remain aware and in charge
- Move past your fear
- Calm yourself in any confrontation
- Keep your dignity intac
- Handle sneak attacks
- Combat cyberbullying
Complete with exercises, assessments, and real-life examples, Beating the Workplace Bully will help you reclaim your power and defeat the office bully once and for all!
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Workplace Culture1
ARE YOU A BULLY MAGNET?
Courage is knowing what not to fear.
âPLATO
âPLATO
HEAD NURSE MOLLY was ten months from retirement when Pauline started work at the clinic. Like the rest of the clinicâs employees, Molly welcomed Pauline aboard, greeting her with flowers on her first day. Pauline took the flowers with barely a glance and handed them to the receptionist, saying âPut these in water.â
Molly, a kind, round-faced woman with warm hazel eyes and wavy auburn hair flecked with gray, had urged the clinicâs physician owners to hire someone like Pauline, saying the clinic had grown to a size that required a clinic administrator in addition to her own head nurse position. When the managing physician asked Molly, âDo you want to supervise her?â Molly responded, âI see us as teammates, each with our strengths balancing and supporting the other.â
For the next two weeks, Molly coached Pauline on the clinicâs intake, staff orientation, patient recordkeeping, and administrative filing systemsâall procedures sheâd spent more than ten years developing.
Since Molly took pride in her work, it shocked her when Pauline described the systems as âantiquated.â Molly viewed the systems as simple, streamlined, and even elegant, but she swallowed her pride and said, âIâll support you in making them better.â
âWonât be necessary,â Pauline sneered.
âYou donât want my help?â Molly asked, thinking sheâd misunderstood Paulineâs tone.
âI donât need your help,â Pauline replied in a voice that could curdle milk.
That night, Molly attended Paulineâs first briefing with the clinicâs physicians, and listened as Pauline told them that bringing clinic systems and procedures up to an acceptable level would take four to six months of hard work as things were in a âpitifulâ state. Pauline looked the part of someone who could take the clinic forward. She dressed in immaculate and stylish, if severe, suits.
Mollyâs jaw dropped and ice formed in her gut as Pauline continued to trash her work. Molly didnât know what to say in defense of the clinicâs existing systems, and couldnât bear to make eye contact with the physicians sheâd served for twenty years.
The next morning, the stream of insulting emails started. Although Molly tried to focus on her head nurse duties, she felt obligated to respond to the three or four daily emails outlining in detail errors Pauline alleged Molly had made when she designed the clinicâs systems.
Molly worked ten-hour days until deep shadows formed under her eyes. She finally asked for a meeting with Pauline. Paulineâs new assistant, Max, turned her down, telling Molly that Paulineâs schedule was âtight.â
Molly went home drained, and told her husband she had no idea why Pauline was attacking everything sheâd developed.
âWhy are you letting this woman do this to you?â asked Mollyâs husband.
âShe has the credentials the physicians wanted.â
âYouâve worked for them for twenty years.â
âShe says she knows what sheâs doing.â
âSo do you.â
Molly wasnât so sure anymore.
The next day, Molly saw three emails from Pauline and realized she didnât want to open any of them.
How had things turned from great to trash?
WHAT MADE YOU A VICTIM? WHAT KEEPS YOU A VICTIM?
If a bully has you in his or her crosshairs, you may look at yourself and wonder if youâre to blame, and for what. You want to know what made you a target.
Letâs turn that around and look at what bullying is.
Workplace Bullying Defined
Workplace bullying is psychological violence and aggressive manipulation in the form of repeated humiliation or intimidation, and may include situational, verbal, or physical abuse.
Workplace bullying and harassment can inflict serious harm upon targeted employees, including feelings of shame, humiliation, anxiety, and depression, along with physical symptoms of distress.
No one deserves to be bullied.
Even if youâve done many things wrong, even if your self-esteem isnât the greatest, even if youâve made a hundred mistakes, donât take what the bully dishes out as your due.
Bullying is an epidemic. According to a 2014 VitalSmarts survey, 96 percent of the studyâs 2,283 respondents experienced workplace bullying.1 The 2014 U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey published by the Workplace Bullying Institute documents that 37 million U.S. workers face âabusive conductâ during their workday. Another 28.7 million witness this abuse.2 To put this into perspective, these 65.6 million people equal the combined population of fifteen U.S. states from the central northern tier to the Gulf of Mexico.
At a minimum, three to four people out of every ten have been bullied. You may well ask, âCanât I please be one of the other six or seven of those ten?â
Absolutely, thatâs why youâre reading this book.
Your first step is to recognize which of the following factors led you into a bullyâs crosshairs.
You:
Bad Luck: A Target on Your Back
A MILITARY WIFE, Gwen interviewed for five weeks before finding an employer willing to hire her despite her husbandâs likely transfer to a new base in eighteen months.
On Gwenâs first day on the job, Lisa, the office manager, sat her down and told her sheâd do fine if she understood the lay of the land. Eager to make a good impression, Gwen listened to Lisa, who explained that Gwen needed to demonstrate her willingness to be a team player.
Gwen was soon spending hours completing tasks Lisa delegated to her, which prevented her from speedily completing assignments given her by her immediate supervisor. When Gwen told Lisa she couldnât manage the extra tasks, Lisa snapped, âYouâre not willing to help me out when Iâm swamped?â
Gwen hadnât been bullied before, and she took days to decide what to do. She spoke to her supervisor, who said, âLisaâs our best, most talented performer. I canât believe youâre bad-mouthing her when sheâs been trying to help you.â As Gwen listened in shock, her fists tightly closed and shoved into her pockets, she learned that Lisa had claimed that Gwen came to her so often for help that Lisa had to log two hours overtime nightly to complete her own assignments.
Landing the wrong job had placed Gwen in a bullyâs crosshairs. Has bad luck made you a bullyâs target?
Ignore Warning Signs at Your Peril
AFTER A DIVORCE, Mack moved to Colorado and took the first job offered him. When he saw a long list of names as he logged on to Outlook, he asked a coworker about ...