Light Upon Light

A Collection of Letters on Life, Love and God

Nur Fadhilah Wahid

• Editore: Kube Publishing Ltd
• Anno: 2019
• ISBN:
  9781847741349
• Argomento: Theology & Religion
• Categoria: Islamic Theology

Mostly written while she was traveling, living and studying in Malaysia, South Africa and Yemen, Light Upon Light is a heartfelt and sincere conversation, sprinkled with humor and self-doubt, on the challenges of a modern-day Muslimah.

Rest. Read. Reflect. What is He trying to tell you?

1

A Quarter of a Century

Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim

Today, I turn twenty-five.

Yesterday, by the grace of Allah, I stumbled across several of my diaries dating back to 2004. As I was flipping from one page to another, I came across several du‘a’s I made. In one of the du‘a’s—a silly one—I prayed that He would grant me the enjoyment of the Dunya before bringing me back close to Him. I was young and naive, and I wanted to taste the pleasures of the world. I made a whole list of items that I perceived would bring me happiness, and as I read the list today, I realized that over the years He had granted me all, save for one, of what I had asked for; both the good things, and the bad. After ticking off the entire checklist here I am today, knocking on His door.

In another du‘a’, I asked that He open my heart to wear the hijab once again upon my entrance into university. In defiance, at age fifteen I had taken off the hijab I had worn since I was a child and gave myself until I was eighteen to sort out my life. But at eighteen, I had flunked my A-levels and did not earn a place at the local university. I started working full time, without any intention to pursue my studies, and wearing the hijab was the last thing on my mind. Little did I know, seven years after making the du‘a’, He placed me in a university, and with it placed the hijab again in my heart.

The reason I am sharing this with you is that it struck me that Allah subhanahu wa ta‘ala truly listens to every single one of our du‘a’s. No matter if the du‘a’ is one made in passing or one that is made consistently, He is always listening. What this means is that we should be more careful of the words that slip off our tongue; those that are directed to ourselves, as well as those directed to others. What this also means, more importantly, is that we have to realize that our du‘a’s for ourselves today will shape who we are tomorrow. Our du‘a’s will shape the kind of person we will become, the relationships we will have, and the lives we will one day lead. What then, will our du‘a’s be? What then, will your du‘a’s be?

May He gift us the ability to make du‘a’s that are good for us in the Dunya and Akhirah, amin!

2

Becoming Gordon Ramsay

Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim

Sometime last semester, my friends and I came across a video of Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares and we voted to watch it while eating our lunch. We loved the episode so much—clearly made for cheap entertainment—that we decided to watch all of the episodes (and seasons) during our lunch breaks and dinners in the days to come.

So every single day—twice a day—as we dug into our food, we watched as Gordon Ramsay turned restaurants upside down. He would come in, scrutinize each of the dishes served, and make blistering comments peppered generously with vulgarities. Our dates with him went on undisturbed for weeks, until one evening we decided to eat out at a restaurant off-campus.

The Night of Transformation

The restaurant was empty when we entered it, save for a small family of three seated in the middle of the room. We were quickly ushered to a corner booth, where the waiters took our orders without much fanfare and made for the kitchen.

‘Where are all the other customers?’ One of us asked.
‘I don’t know. Maybe it says something about the food here?’
‘Then why are we eating here?’ We laughed and the conversation turned to other topics.

Barely minutes later, we heard a ‘ding!’ coming from the kitchen, and a waiter walked out with our first dish: spaghetti carbonara. He placed it deftly on our table, slid the cutlery over, and returned to the kitchen as another ‘ding!’ echoed around the empty restaurant.

My forehead scrunched as I looked at the plate before me. Comment after pithy comment blazed through my mind: ‘Soggy. Too thick. Flooded with too much sauce. Bad presentation.’ I touched the plate. It was cold. ‘Must be microwaved.’ My fingers reached for the fork and I found myself jabbing the food, trying to find the spaghetti immersed under all the sauce. I was becoming increasingly annoyed and agitated, and when the spaghetti finally entered my mouth, my lips gave way to a frown. I let out a sigh, meeting the gaze of my roommates: ‘Not worth it.’

The waiter came to our table again. I resisted the urge to complain about the food and concentrated on swishing my spaghetti around on the plate. He placed the next dish on the table: a calamari plate. As soon as he was gone, I watched my friend as her face, like mine, broke into a frown. She picked up the fork and began separating the array of fried seafood on the plate. There were only three pieces of calamari. I saw her struggle to keep her comments to herself. She picked up one of the calamari, fed it into her mouth, and began chewing. Seconds later, the food came out again. Meeting my gaze, she explained with a tinge of irritation, ‘too much flour. Tastes weird.’

When the third dish arrived—seconds after another ‘ding!’ from the kitchen—we looked at the plate before us and scrunched our foreheads. We grabbed a spoonful, tasted it, and begun making comments again, completely dissatisfied. Only then did it strike me that we were acting exactly like Gordon Ramsay in Kitchen Nightmares.

Cultivation Theory

In media studies, there exists an idea called the ‘cultivation theory’. To put it simply, this explains how when someone watches television over time, the content they watch affects their own thoughts and actions; they are more likely to believe social reality aligns with the ‘reality’ portrayed on television. One of the most quoted research in the area is that of television violence and its effect on children. Results after results of duplicated research have shown that children’s tendency to act violently is directly related to watching violence on television; the more they watch violent programmes, the more they are likely to act violently. Similarly, after weeks of watching Gordon Ramsay’s behaviour towards food, my friends and I were wiring ourselves to emulate the very same behaviour when faced with food in a restaurant. Without realizing it, from the moment we entered the empty restaurant, to the times we heard the distinct ‘ding!’ from the kitchen (a sign of bad food in any Kitchen Nightmares episode), to the point where we jabbed the food and tasted it critically, we were all merely re-enacting what we saw.

Just as what we eat becomes a part of our body, what we consume through our eyes and ears become a part of us, affecting our thoughts and behaviour. ‘Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that is more purifying for them. Surely Allah is aware of what they do’. (al-Nur 24: 30) So the next time you turn on the television, or spend time watching videos on YouTube, ask yourself: ‘Do I want to be like those I’m watching?’

3

The Best Reminder of Life

Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim

I was at the cemetery yesterday, watching and making du‘a’ as the excavator gently lowered soil into the grave holding my aunt. I watched as the soil tumbled into the hole, covering the wooden plank inch by inch, until finally my relatives poured water over the grave and made their final du‘a’s. I watched as my cousins cried at the passing of their mother, as their children teared up at the death of their grandmother, and as my mother struggled to hold back her own tears as she said goodbye to her sister for the last time. And in the middle of all of that, I watched as my whole life ran through my mind—the decisions I have made, the dreams and aspirations I hold on to and, most importantly, the relationships I have made and broken.

Many of us, deep down in our hearts, know what the important things in life are. We know that above everything else is our relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta‘ala and the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and our relationship with the people around us—our parents, our siblings, our relatives, our friends and the whole of mankind. And yet, in living life we tend to let urgent matters get in the way of the things we know are important.

Without realizing it, we turn our backs on those who love us, in order to chase after deadlines. We keep ourselves busy with our careers and our bosses, and spend little time with our family and friends. We invest so much energy in achieving ‘success’, as it is understood generally, but give only remnants of what is left to the ‘success’ that Allah subhanahu wa ta‘ala refers to—the one in this world and the Hereafter. And yet, it is Allah subhanahu wa ta‘ala who grants us life, and it is the people we leave behind that will make du‘a’ for us even after our ‘life’ is taken away from us. The companion of the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, ‘Umar al-Khattab radhiallahu ‘anhu, used to wear a ring engraved with the phrase: ‘Death is enough an admonisher.’ As I walked back to the car and to my life, the phrase kept on ringing in my head, forcing me to re-evaluate my decisions and my actions over the past few months.

If I were to die today, how would I describe my relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta‘ala? How would I describe my relationship with my family, my friends, and others? Alhamdulillah, painful as it is to ask myself these questions, it was like I was given a chance to live again. Make that reflection. Take that small step. Send that message to your old friend. Rekindle that relationship with the sibling you fell out with. Tell someone how much you appreciate them being in your life. Perhaps one day, insha’ Allah, they will be watching and making du‘a’ for you when the soil tumbles into your last abode ...

May Allah subhanahu wa ta‘ala keep us in His Love and Mercy, in His guidance and protection, and may He place my aunt, Hajah Sa’yah Bte Haji Soib, among His beloved. Amin!

4

How to be Happy with your Self

Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim

Two years ago, I remember envying my roommate to the extent that I hated speaking or even looking at her. This was an extremely big deal, as we were close friends and I had entered university only because she had agreed to join me. I envied Sajaf, as I will call her,¹ because she was always so soft-spoken and gentle, always the first to help others, and doing good deeds came naturally to her. I, on the other hand, was rough and stern, and I struggled immensely when it came to doing ‘ibadah (worship) and placing the needs of others above mine.

One morning, I decided to wake up earlier than all my other roommates so that I could surprise them with breakfast. I knew everyone’s morning routine by heart, and I had timed my alarm accordingly. However, when I woke up and stepped out of my room, I saw Sajaf crouching over our small pantry. She glanced at me, smiled, and said: ‘Good morning! I decided to make breakfast for all of you!’ I walked out of the room. Disappointed. Angry. Envious. Hateful, even. ‘Such a show off,’ I muttered under my breath, ‘Why must she act like she is better than everyone else?’ I failed to realize that the only person who was acting (up) in that situation was me; Sajaf was only being herself.

To some of you reading this, what I went through may sound extreme, and in many ways, it was. But when I shared th...