The Student EQ Edge

Emotional Intelligence and Your Academic and Personal Success

Steven J. Stein, Howard E. Book, Korrel Kanoy

• Publisher: Jossey-Bass
• Year: 2013
• ISBN:
  9781118482230
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Education
• Subtopic: Student Life

" The Student EQ Edge is more relevant today than any other time in the history of our world. Our opportunity to succeed in the 21st century will depend a great deal on our emotional intelligence in our transformation to lifelong learning and our leadership ability. This book is the competitive edge." —Stedman Graham, best-selling author, speaker, entrepreneur

"We have been long aware that academic ability does not necessarily predict college success. This book provides a comprehensive look at emotional intelligence and the role it plays in student persistence. It takes these noncognitive aspects that we know really matter and puts them into a practical, user-friendly guide. This book is long overdue in higher education." —Catherine Andersen, master trainer in emotional intelligence; professor and special assistant to the provost for student success, Gallaudet University

"As important as book learning is, we know that success in life is also dependent upon emotional intelligence. The authors of The Student EQ Edge define emotional intelligence and provide a road map for mastering emotional intelligence skills. I would highly recommend The Student EQ Edge to any high school or college student interested in knowing what it takes to be truly successful both inside and outside the classroom." —Brad Beacham, executive director, Sigma Nu Fraternity, Inc.

"The Student EQ Edge is substantive, readable, and sure to appeal to students both in classes as well as those who are lucky to pick it up for personal development reading. The book is appealing because the research is understandable; numerous examples are integrated throughout, and readers are encouraged to apply what they are reading." —Dennis Roberts, assistant vice president for faculty and student services for the Qatar Foundation

Part 1

Introduction

Joe had a lot of book smarts but was lacking some key skills that kept him from getting the grades that he deserved. First, he didn’t like asking for help, so he never sought clarification about assignments he did not understand. Second, he almost always underestimated how long it would take him to complete big projects, which often left him cramming to finish most of it the last night. And finally, he often got very impatient when he could not figure out how to do an assignment and quickly gave up.

As he was growing up, Joe’s impatience had contributed to other difficulties in his life. His driver’s license was suspended a year after he got it because of the seriousness of his speeding offenses. Also, when it came time to choose a college, he had started off applying to only one because of what he had heard about their fraternity parties, but that college had very high acceptance standards and Joe didn’t get in. He had to scramble late in the year to get into a college that he didn’t really want to attend. All of these challenges Joe faced relate to his emotional intelligence.

The publication in 1995 of Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ (Goleman, 1995) generated a flood of interest in the role that emotional intelligence plays in our lives. Goleman elegantly surveyed years of research into psychological functioning and interpersonal skills, presenting his case to general readers in a coherent and accessible way. The response was seismic. At long last, the so-called soft skills that do so much to determine our success were rescued from the fringe and seriously considered by mainstream educators, business people, and the media.

Chapter 1

Emotional Intelligence: Here to Stay

Emotional intelligence is not a fad or a trend. Nor is it quite as new as many people believe. It seems novel only because it was shuffled aside, sent into hibernation by the 20th century’s fixation on “hard” data and rationalism at any cost. Only now, in the 21st century, are the social sciences catching up and coming to grips with those aspects of personality, emotion, cognition, and behavior that were previously judged incapable of being identified, measured, and fully understood. Now they’re increasingly recognized as crucial to effective functioning at school, in the workplace, and in our personal lives. Good relationships and coping strategies are keys to our success in every area of human activity, from the initial bonding between parent and child to the ability of teachers to bring out the best in their students.

In fact, one of a number of emotional intelligence breakthroughs took place in the 1980s, when the American-born Israeli psychologist Dr. Reuven Bar-On (1988) began his work in the field. He was perplexed by a number of basic questions. Why, he wondered, do some people possess greater emotional well-being? Why are some people better able to achieve successful relationships? And—most important—why do some people who are blessed with superior intellectual abilities seem to fail in life, whereas others with more modest intellectual gifts succeed? By 1985, he thought he’d found a partial answer in what he called a person’s emotional quotient (EQ), an obvious parallel to the long-standing measure of cognitive or rational abilities that we know as IQ, or intelligence quotient.

But what exactly makes up one’s emotional quotient (also called emotional intelligence)? Bar-On’s original definition (1997) has been revised to the current definition we use: “A set of emotional and social skills that influence the way we perceive and express ourselves, develop and maintain social relationships, cope with challenges, and use emotional information in an effective and meaningful way” (Multi-Health Systems, 2011, p. 1). EQ covers everything from how confident we feel, to our ability to express emotions constructively instead of destructively, to our skills in forming successful relationships, to our ability to stand up for ourselves, to setting and achieving goals, to handling the stress we all face.

The EQ Explosion

What is it about emotional intelligence that has made it so popular all over the world? First, people are excited and relieved to receive confirmation of what they’ve instinctively known all along—that factors beyond just IQ are at least as important as intelligence when it comes to success in life. In fact, one can make the argument that in order for us to take advantage of and flex our cognitive intelligence to the maximum, we first need good emotional intelligence. Why? Because regardless of how brainy we may be, if we turn others off with abrasive behavior, are unaware of how we are presenting ourselves, or cave in under minimal stress, no one will stick around long enough to notice our high IQs. One day—ideally sooner rather than later—we will assess EQ in schools at least as often as we test IQs.

Second, emotional intelligence is important in navigating the challenges of life, whether you’re a teenager, young adult, or grandparent. Remember Joe? His lack of emotional intelligence hurt his academic performance, and it also contributed to some questionable decisions as a teenager. Joe was more likely to take unnecessary risks without weighing the consequences and to act impulsively, often getting himself into serious trouble. And he wasn’t very realistic about which colleges he could get into, so he ended up getting into only one college that he really didn’t want to attend.

Emotional intelligence is essential for personal happiness and well-being. It affects your relationship skills and your ability to deal successfully with others. Consider Suzy. Her emotional intelligence helped her to build strong friendships. She was skilled at listening to her peers and made an effort to get to know others and let them get to know her. She always worked effectively on teams and as a result was often asked to lead or serve as captain. Suzy’s success in the interpersonal area of her life made her very happy. Even when bad things happened, Suzy was able to maintain a positive attitude because of all the support she got from friends.

Although not all students show the more extreme ends of emotional intelligence as Joe and Suzy do, we all fall somewhere within a continuum. Some of us find it easier to navigate our emotions and social behaviors than others do. The good news is that we can all learn to improve ourselves in these areas.

Young people like Suzy are the ones who will most likely emerge as leaders in their professional careers. Why? Because so much of what we do in the professional world involves working effectively with other people. Leaders who are well-liked and know how to motivate others will get higher productivity levels from people they supervise. Professionals who are good problem solvers, have clear goals, and do their fair share of work on projects get noticed by leaders. Colleagues who elevate the work morale by their positive attitude and cheerful disposition get along better with their peers. So, as you mature, learn more, and develop personally, it’s just as important to pay attention to your emotional intelligence development as to your knowledge development.

Redefining Intelligence, Achievement, and Success

Most of us can remember the smartest person in our class—the class brain, the person who got straight A’s and seemed destined to follow a path of uninterrupted triumph. Some of those class brains will be highly successful adults. But others won’t.

Now think about other classmates and guess which one or two of them will go on to chalk up major life success. Perhaps they will create and lead companies of their own or become prominent and well-respected leaders in their communities. These future stars in the professional world may be honing their teamwork skills through athletics, learning how to lead a diverse group by serving as a club president, or gaining empathy by engaging in lots of community service. They may not, however, be making straight A’s because EQ and IQ are two different things.

It is scarcely a revelation that not everyone’s talents fit most school systems’ rather restrictive model for measuring achievement. History is full of brilliant, successful men and women who underachieved in the classroom, sometimes dropping out of formal education; this list includes Bill Gates, American astronaut and U.S. Senator John Glenn, and Whoopi Goldberg, among many, many others. But despite these well-known individuals and a growing body of research evidence (which you’ll read about in Chapters 19–22), many people believe that success in school equals success in life—or, at the very least, in the workplace. Now that assumption is being overturned, and schools like yours are taking on the challenge of teaching emotional intelligence.

What Is Success?

Let’s define it as the ability to set and achieve your personal and professional goals, whatever they may be. That sounds simple, but of course it’s not. An individual’s definition of success will quite naturally ebb and flow over time. We want different things and pursue different goals simply because we grow older, accumulate experience, and shoulder new responsibilities. What is our main concern at any given moment? Maybe it’s to get into or graduate from the most prestigious college, to make terrific grades, to be the star of the team, to become a famous pianist, or to have a great romantic relationship. Perhaps we’re faced with a serious illness, beside which all else pales in comparison, and success becomes a matter of survival. So much for supposedly simple definitions. But most of us would agree that to succeed on our own terms (or on terms acceptable to us) in a wide variety of situations remains a constant goal.

If you stop to think about your friends and family members—in fact, about many of the students, teachers, and the people you encounter in all sorts of day-to-day settings—which ones do you consider to be the most successful? Which of them seem to enjoy the fullest and happiest lives? Are they necessarily the most intellectually gifted, with the most prestigious job title or the highest income? It’s more likely they have other characteristics, other skills, which underlie their capacity to achieve what they desire. And some of those with the highest positions, such as a chief executive officer (CEO) of a company, don’t always succeed in that role.

Why CEOs Fail

In the June 21, 1999, Fortune cover article, authors Ram Charan and Geoffrey Colvin indicated that unsuccessful CEOs put strategy before people. Successful CEOs shine—not in the arena of planning or finances, but in the area of emotional intelligence. They show integrity, people acumen, assertiveness, effective communication, and trust-building behavior.

In the late 1990s the CEO of a major corporation, a man who had been groomed for this position for a number of years, was fired after being at the helm for a short time. Although he was an excellent accountant and a first-rate strategist, he lacked people skills. His arrogance alienated ...