Part I
Getting Started Understanding Introversion
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In this part . . .
Understand the differences between introverts and extroverts.
Recognize the traits of an introvert and see whether you qualify by taking a couple of informal quizzes.
Find out how to live in an extroverted world and explore techniques for pretending to be extroverted when you need to.
Understand that shyness and sensitivity donât necessarily mean introversion.
Discover what makes you an innie.
Chapter 1
Introverted? Good for You!
In This Chapter
Spotting the differences between introverts and extroverts
Valuing the talents and assets of innies
Identifying the challenges of being an introvert in an extrovertâs world
Knowing the five basics for succeeding as an introvert
Does the following sound like you? Youâre happier reading a book than going to a dinner party. You love your friends, but you treasure your moments alone. And youâd rather eat nails than attend a corporate team-building event.
If any of these ring a bell, Iâm guessing youâre an introvert. And whatâs more, Iâm guessing that your extroverted friends donât understand you at all.
Oh, sure, these people love you. But they donât get why noisy team meetings and brainstorming sessions wear you out. They canât figure out why you prefer hiking or puttering in your kitchen to singing karaoke in a crowded bar. And above all, many of them think they can (and should) change you.
Well, hereâs the truth: If youâre introverted, odds are youâre hard-wired that way. You can be wildly successful in a world thatâs largely geared for extroverts â and, in fact, thatâs what this book is all about. But deep down inside, youâll always be exactly what you are: an introvert. And as I explain shortly, thatâs a very, very good thing!
But before I talk about why introverts totally rock, I need to explain just what an introvert is. And to talk about that, I need to talk about extroverts as well.
How Introverts and Extroverts Differ
Did you ever wonder why your extroverted friends think and behave so differently from you? I explain why in this section, and I also look at a wide variety of behaviors that distinguish innies from outies.
The biggest difference between introverts and extroverts
The first thing to know about introverts and extroverts is that they charge their batteries in different ways.
For extroverts, being in the middle of a crowd of people is energizing. They can talk for hours and come away feeling refreshed and invigorated. So they surround themselves with friends and family, and they canât wait to meet even more people and try even more activities. For them, walking into a room full of strangers is like taking a shot of a high-caffeine energy drink.
If youâre an introvert, this behavior is hard for you to understand. Itâs not that you dislike people. In fact, you truly enjoy them; however, you enjoy them in small doses. You love meeting a good friend for lunch or hanging out with close family members on the weekend. But making endless small talk at a party filled with strangers doesnât energize you. In fact, it does just the opposite: It drains you, and you canât wait to recharge your batteries with a quiet walk, an evening at home with your family, or a good book.
Other ways introverts are different from extroverts
Because introverts look inward and extroverts look outward, they respond very differently to the world around them. If youâre an introvert, here are some of the ways youâre unlike your extroverted friends:
You generally think before you talk, while outies tend to say whatever comes to mind.
You like to focus deeply on a few interests, while extroverts tend to explore a lot of activities more superficially.
You probably like texting or e-mailing people, while extroverts enjoy phone calls or face-to-face meetings.
You may find multitasking stressful, while extroverts are usually pretty good at it.
You likely weigh risks more carefully than an extrovert.
You have a few very deep friendships rather than a lot of casual acquaintances.
You tend to dress in colors and act in ways that help you blend in rather than stand out.
People often attribute a lot of other behaviors to introverts, but some of these behaviors actually stem from two other traits: shyness and sensitivity. In Chapter 2, you can test yourself to see whether youâre introverted, shy, or sensitive â or a combination of these three.
Why Being an Introvert Is Cool
Because youâre very different from your outgoing friends, itâs all too easy to think that somethingâs wrong with you. And itâs even easier to feel like an oddball if youâre surrounded by social butterflies who tease you about being a âlonerâ or a âparty pooper.â (I talk more about this in Chapter 14.)
But hereâs the most important message of this entire book: Innies and outies are equally great. The world needs both, and smart people recognize this fact. So does Mother Nature, who has good reasons for wiring innies and outies in different ways biologically (see
Chapter 3).
And hereâs another fact: As an introvert, youâre amazing! Youâre likely to be a loyal friend, a creative and independent thinker, and a true scholar â and you can also be a natural-born leader. The following sections give you a closer look at why youâre so terrific.
Introverts are great friends
An extrovert can walk into a room full of strangers and walk out a few hours later with five new best buddies. If youâre an introvert, on the other hand, making new friends is a challenge (which I address in Chapter 11). So at first glance, it sounds like your outgoing friends have the advantage here.
But what happens when you do make a new friend? Thatâs where you clearly shine.
First of all, youâre as loyal as they come. Because you work hard for each friendship, you highly value your relationships. Youâre likely to be forgiving when disputes arise, and youâll probably never dump a friend for someone whoâs more trendy or interesting. For you, a friendship lasts for life, and any time a friend needs your help, youâll give your all.
And hereâs another area in which you excel as a buddy: Youâre a listener, not a talker. So if your friends come to you with their problems, youâll be happy to let them vent (as long as they donât go on forever!). In fact, your friends may be more likely to open up to you than they are to bare their souls to their extroverted friends. Thatâs because they know youâre sensitive, youâre thoughtful, and youâll keep their secrets safely tucked away.
Want another pat on the back? As a quiet innie, youâre not a drama queen or a spotlight-stealer. That guy arguing loudly with his gir...
