The Ambivalence of Autobiography in Lewisâs Literary Outlook
The teasing title of Lewisâs autobiography draws on the opening words of the Miltonic sonnet of the same name by the English Romantic writer William Wordsworth (1770â1850).2
Surprised by joy â impatient as the wind.
Wordsworth wrote this sonnet in the aftermath of the death of his three-year-old daughter, Catherine. On experiencing a rare moment of joy following Catherineâs death in 1812, Wordsworth found this precipitated a series of emotional traumas. His fleeting experience of delight gave way to a somber realization that the one person with whom he longed to share that joy â Catherine â was gone, followed immediately by a pang of guilt over his ability to forget her even for that brief moment.
Lewis chose to appropriate the title, rather than the substance of Wordsworthâs poem, and develops the idea of âJoyâ in his own distinct way (see chapter 5). Surprised by Joy is a narrative of a human collision with divine reality, in which old ways of thinking were shattered and disrupted, and new ways of seeing opened up. Picking up on the âvisionary gleamâ of joy3 that so briefly intruded into Wordsworthâs grief, Lewis offers his reflections on the source of a deeper vision of Joy, rooted at one level in the yearnings of the human heart, and at another in the nature of God. For Lewis, it is God who shoots such âarrows of Joyâ as a means of heightening his sense of longing, stimulating his reflection, initiating his questing, and ultimately achieving his transformation.
Surprised by Joy remains something of an enigma among Lewisâs works, not least because at first sight it seems to subvert Lewisâs own views on the significance of texts. Especially during his âPersonal Heresyâ controversy of the late 1930s with E. M. W. Tillyard, Lewis made his reputation by insisting that the historical and experiential worlds of an author were not of great importance; what really mattered was their writings. Writers were not themselves a spectacle; their texts were rather a set of spectacles through which the world might be viewed.4
The poet is not a man who asks me to look at him; he is a man who says âlook at thatâ and points; the more I follow the pointing of his finger the less I can possibly see of him.
Yet, by definition, an autobiography invites its readers to look at its author. In writing Surprised by Joy, Lewis would seem to be pointing his finger at himself, choosing to make himself into a spectacle.
Perhaps this helps us understand why Lewis is almost apologetic about the whole enterprise of writing the story of his conversion. It is not something he wants to do; it is something he has been asked to do. The rhetoric of self-deprecation with which the work opens is not to be seen as a false humility on Lewisâs part. It is something rather more interesting â a belief that this kind of work is, in the first place not of importance as history; and in the second, is not something he feels sits easily with his views on literature. It is possible that this helps to make sense of its otherÂwise puzzling tendencies to mis-remember things in their proper context.
If Lewis is true to himself, we must see this work not as something we are meant to look at, but something we are meant to look through. The poet is ânot a spectacle but a pair of spectacles;â a window through which we attend to the landscape.5 If we follow the âpointing of his finger,â we find Lewis inviting us to attend to the âarrows of Joyâ that rain down upon us, and reflect on their deeper significance. Memory, joy, and longing then become gateways to God. Perhaps we should read Surprised by Joy, not primarily as a book about the life of C. S. Lewis, but a book about life itself. Lewisâs autobiography is then to be seen as much as a reflection on the meaning of human life in general as it is on the meaning of his own life.
Perhaps the most obvious influence on Lewis at this point is G. K. Chestertonâs Orthodoxy: The Romance of Faith (1908). Although Chesterton himself dismissed this as a âslovenly autobiography,â most critics have regarded it as one of Chestertonâs finest works.6 Probably modeled on John Henry Newmanâs Apologia pro vita sua (1864), Chestertonâs autobiography is a powerful intellectual defense of the rationality of the Christian faith, and especially its capacity to make sense of things. Christian doctrine is not something that was forcibly imposed upon reality, but is rather the key that unlocks âlifeâs real meaning.â The Christian faith, he argued, was to be considered as a hypothesis which, once tested, can become a means of perception, making sense of what was previously obscure. While still an atheist, Lewis had been deeply impressed by Chestertonâs Everlasting Man;7 his subsequent career could be seen as a gradual assumption of Chestertonâs mantle as an apologist.
Might reading Chesterton have helped Lewis to grasp the apologetic potential of a spiritual autobiography? And alert him to how a potentially self-aggrandizing literary genre might be subverted for more noble ends? Or are we to see Surprised by Joy in a more literary and cultural context, understanding it, at least in part, as Lewisâs attempt to make sense of his own identity and agency, discerning or constructing a coherent narrative within his life?8
Surprised by Joy is not Lewisâs only autobiographical work. Lewisâs first attempt at autobiography is found in The Pilgrimâs Regress (1933), where Lewis represents his understanding of his own intellectual journey to faith through a proxy â the âpilgrim,â named John. Lewisâs difficult and at times perplexing work, written in two intense weeks during August 1932, surveys and assesses the intellectual byways that he explored â and occasionally inhabited â as he sought the true goal of the longings he experienced within himself.9 This work of allegory, modeled only very loosely on John Bunyanâs seventeenth-century classic Pilgrimâs Progress,10 remains an important source for any understanding of Lewisâs struggle to reconcile reason and imagination, yet makes little reference to identifiable events in the external world. In many ways, it shows a preoccupation with internal mental struggles and reflections, even if this is presented in the form of an historical journey.
The third autobiographical work is A Grief Observed, written in the aftermath of the death from cancer of Lewisâs wife, Joy Davidman, in July 1960. This work, initially published in 1961 under the pseudonym âN. W. Clerk,â offers a raw account of Lewisâs emotions and doubts following his bereavement. Once more, the focus is on Lewisâs internal thoughts, documented without any attempt to blunt its force or soften its tone.11 Lewis allowed himself to express his grief âin all its rawness and sinful reactions and follies.â Although A Grief Observed âends with faith,â it nevertheless âraises all the blackest doubts en route.â12 The work remains a classic account of the bereavement process, and is an important source for understanding the difficulties and pressures of Lewisâs final years.
Surprised by Joy is different. Written at a time when Lewisâs reputation as a scholar and popular Christian writer was at its height, this autobiography mingles personal historical information and theological reflection. The publication of the âChronicles of Narniaâ had generated huge interest in Lewis, both as a writer of fiction and as a Christian apologist. How, many wondered, did Lewis come to discover Christianity? Lewis presents Surprised by Joy as his response to that question.
In fact, Lewis had already begun to draft such a work much earlier. Lewisâs brother Warren noted in his diary entry for March 25, 1948, that Lewis was working on his âautobiography,â which by that stage was focusing on their Belfast childhood. Lewisâs surge in creative genius during the late 1940s and early 1950s led to the writing of the Narnia series, which both delayed the production of his autobiography on the one hand, while creating a sustained public interest in it on the other.
Lewis presents Surprised by Joy as unproblematic.13 Its goals are quite simple: it âaims at telling the story of my conversion and is not a general autobiography, still less âConfessionsâ like those of St. Augustine or Rousseau.â14 It is Lewisâs own account of how he âpassed from Atheism to Christianity.â Yet while this illuminates the topic of the book, it discloses little concerning its literary form, style, or approach to its topic. Lewis clearly presents himself as narrating the histoire dâune âme. But how should one tell such a story? What narrative vehicle is to be adopted? What models shaped this narration?
