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Chapter 1
They Don't Work
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They Missed a Step
Figure Credit: Thanks for sharing @HaleyCertified; used with permission.
I don't know where this QR code takes me when scanned. I wish I did. I tried to follow the “three easy steps,” but I feel like one important step is missing.
Step 0.5: Don't put QR code behind giant bar.
The code is unscannable. It's taking up valuable space, looking fancy and modern, and doing absolutely nothing.
This is my main issue with QR codes and so many of the things we try in business—they just don't work.
We need to be thinking about functionality for our customers.
Did you know that 50 percent of people who scan a QR code would never scan one again? You know why? Because it didn't work. It didn't bring value. It made people jump through an unnecessary and all-too-often nonfunctioning hoop.
Stop it.
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Craptcha
Captchas. Making it impossible to log in since 1997.
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Not Working
Kinda like most QR codes, this guy doesn't work either.
When I worked in human resources, I would put ads in the paper for positions requiring three to five years' experience.
Why three to five years?
I honestly have no idea.
The only difference I can see between someone with five years' retail experience and one year is that the person with five years' experience hates people more.
A Kitten Dies . . .
. . . every time someone tweets advice about how to build a massive following—and only has 23 followers.
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Anybody Got a Pen?
Anybody got a pen?
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Invasion of Sanity and Sanitation
Figure Credit: Thanks to @GregScott for this awesome; used with permission.
Trying to aim, while trying to aim, is not a good idea.
A Kitten Dies . . .
. . . if your idea of successful networking is giving out your cards to 200+ people.
You're doing it wrong. Card connect, not collect. It just won't work.
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I Don't Feel Special
Volume discount. You're doing it wrong.
A Kitten Dies . . .
. . . every time someone runs a Facebook contest without thinking. When you give away a free iPad, all you end up with is a whole lot of likes from people who like free iPads.
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The Door to Digital Success
Step 1: Put QR code on door.
Step 2: Make the code small enough that people need to get really close to scan it.
Step 3: As they approach, have the door automatically open into the people.
Step 4: Profit!
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Twipster
Tweeting to spite themselves and refusing to tweet back.
Hipster Twitter.
Everyone talking and nobody wants to be there.
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