Although at times you may yearn for it, the object of this game isnât total victory, but rather a mutual solution that keeps everyone happy. You want to raise a child who turns into a well-adjusted adult, and you want to do it without being escorted away by men in white coats fitting you in a jacket that has sleeves long enough to wrap around you and tie behind your back. But you canât play the game without the proper parenting skills. Thatâs precisely what this chapter shows you.
Leveling the Parenting Game Playground
No parent ever has or does everything right, so wake up and take a good whiff of that morning coffee. You wonât be perfect. You will lose your temper. You will yell â loud enough at times to stir the neighbors. You will give in to the whining, if only as barter for a few brief moments of silence. And you will feed your kids cake, pie (after all, it has fruit), or various brand-name snack cakes and sugar-packed breakfast cereals for dinner at least once. Thatâs all okay. No parent is perfect, so all that you can do is your level best. If your kids grow up to be happy, wholesome, and productive adults, people who are valued in the community, and you wind up having a wonderful relationship with them, then youâve won.
So, the object of the game is discovering how to perfect your parenting and relationship skills. To do that you must understand three basic things:
Parenting is a job that you can never quit.
Parenting means playing some new and exciting roles.
Parenting means finding out how to develop healthy relationships with your children.
Some people say that the parenting game never ends. After all, it would be nice to have an answer to the question, âAt what age will my children be completely independent?â Alas, the answer is, âNever.â
The American Dream is not owning your own house. The American Dream is getting your children out of your house. â Congressman Dick Armey
Parenting: A job you can never quit
You canât just quit the parenting game. As a parent, your job doesnât start at 8 a.m. and end at 5 p.m. Itâs a 24-hour-a-day job. And having an outside job doesnât mean that when you get home your job is over. Nope, instead, when you come home, you instantly change into your parenting uniform and get right back to work. There is no time off!
Donât use silk or white as a part of your parenting uniform; puke stains.
Your job as a parent consists of several duties and responsibilities to your kids. You love them. You feed them. You take care of them when theyâre sick. You play with them. You educate them with what you remember of your book-learning and common sense. You discipline them. You listen to them. And, occasionally you do something really goofy on purpose just to cause them embarrassment in front of their friends (who often think youâre really cool for doing it).
Despite all that, remember that you canât slack off, you canât quit, and you know that parenting isnât accompanied by many tax breaks. Parenting is your responsibility, regardless of whether you have an outside job.
Why do I keep bringing up the issue of an outside job? Because it is a major element in how parents treat their kids. People have a tough day at work and come home not wanting to deal with their children. Too bad! When you find yourself cutting short the time that you spend with your kids or ignoring them because youâve already had a full day, thatâs when itâs time to reevaluate your other job. Parenting is your first priority.
The good news is that your parenting job comes with a wonderful bonus plan. In return for your work, your kids will love you back, frustrate you, make you laugh, make you cry tears of joy and sorrow, anger you, and, eventually, make you really proud of them.
Knowing the game terminology
Kids arenât born politically correct. So, if you have any tendencies toward political correctness, now is the time to face reality and get over them. Kids call poop what it is. Theyâre more than happy to explain it to you â repeatedly in great detail. The same is true of throw-up, barf, heave, and spit up. All are real things about which your kids are more than happy and willing to share their unique knowledge.
Believe it or not, all this is good. Children think adults are the weird ones who decide the meanings of these favored words â offensive or not. The thing to remember is that your kids are just trying to communicate. So, in this game, becoming comfortable with common, everyday, descriptive kid language, regardless of how tasteless it sometimes gets, is up to you.
The four duties of a parent
One thing you need to understand about the parenting game is that you must take on some new and important duties. Sure, you can still âbe yourself,â but parenting requires you to understand that regardless of whether you want to accept these new duties, they nevertheless are yours, and itâs for your and your kidsâ benefit that you do them well.
So here are the new roles that you must play:
The positive role model
A role model is someone you look up to and try to be like. Maybe itâs that woman down the street who raised five kids all to become doctors. Maybe itâs a fictional character. Batman was a great role model. Even when Batgir...
