HABIT 1: CONNECT
MANAGING ATTENTION
Give People What They Want and Value So Theyâll Tune In
10 SIGNS
YOU MAY BE A WEAK CONNECTOR
Do You Do This?
1 You have trouble getting people to listen to you, pay attention to your ideas, or return phone calls or e-mails.
ISSUE: CONNECTING ESSENTIALS
FIND HELP: page 11
2 Youâre impatient, easily distracted, or often multitask while communicating.
ISSUE: STAY IN THEIR MOMENTâSTAY RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW
FIND HELP: page 19
3 You donât listen well, interrupt frequently, dominate discussions, or start most conversations with what matters most to you.
ISSUE: STAY IN THEIR MOMENTâLISTEN FOR INTENT
FIND HELP: page 21
Are You a Weak Connector?
4 Youâre preoccupied with how others may be judging you.
ISSUE: STAY IN THEIR MOMENTâAVOID CODE RED FIND HELP: page 23
5 You frequently ramble, take too long to get to the point, or have been told that youâre dull or boring.
ISSUE: FRONTLOADâNAIL THE BIG IDEA
FIND HELP: page 31
6 You automatically use the same method of communication to reach everyoneâthe method that you prefer.
ISSUE: FRONTLOADâCHOOSE THEIR PREFERRED METHOD OF COMMUNICATION (PMOC)
FIND HELP: page 34
7 Youâre not good at reading peopleâs body language, or you have trouble reading between the lines of what they say.
ISSUE: FRONTLOADâDEFUSE DEFENSIVENESS
FIND HELP: page 37
8 Youâre often judgmental or critical of others in public.
ISSUE: GOLDILOCKS CANDORâDONâT DEMORALIZE
FIND HELP: page 47
9 You sugarcoat, sidestep, or hold back to avoid conflict or criticism.
ISSUE: GOLDILOCKS CANDORâDONâT SUGARCOAT
FIND HELP: page 49
10 People donât share honest, timely feedback with you.
ISSUE: GOLDILOCKS CANDORâCREATE A CANDID CULTURE
FIND HELP: page 50
1
Why Connect?
Attention Management
Does this sound familiar? Youâre sharing an idea in a meeting when a sinking feeling washes over you that no one is paying attention. A quick scan of the room confirms it. Some people are distractedly thumbing BlackBerry devices under the table. Others have dashed out to take phone calls. Still others are fidgeting with text messages. The few who are not ignoring you are so impatient that they cut you off and talk over you.
Thatâs what happened to David, an emerging leader at a global consumer product company. It was happening in everyday conversations, but it really upset him when it occurred during a presentation.
David was puzzled, thinking what went wrong? Heâd spent endless hours preparing for his big momentâgathering information, confirming facts, and painstakingly creating dozens of difficult slides. He had immersed himself in preparation.
Yet, when he stood in front of his audience to deliver the message, he lost them at hello.
David experienced the most common communication breakdown facing business professionals today: he failed to connect. He didnât manage his audienceâs attention. As a result, he had no chance to convey his message so theyâd clearly understand it, or convince others to make decisions and take action.
Chances are this has happened to you today, in a conversation, a phone call that wasnât returned, or even an ignored e-mail. In this chapter, youâll discover the first step for communicating at your highest performance level in a distracted, attention-deficit world. Youâll learn how to capture peopleâs hearts and minds so you donât lose their attention or drive them to distraction.
Have you noticed that some people are natural connectors? They seem to attract attention like magnets. Why? The worldâs top communicators make connecting a habit.
The difference between the masters and the rest of us is that theyâve learned to make connecting automaticâthey do it every time, with every person. They make engaging people and managing their attention a priority.
Perhaps you have the giftâthis power to draw attention. If not, donât worry. Connecting is a learnable skill. Itâs not like singing ability. You can learn to be an A-list connector even if youâve spent your whole life skipping this step and ending up ignored or tuned out.
Connecting is the ability to engage and manage peopleâs attention in todayâs busy world. Itâs changed profoundly. Itâs no longer enough to make contact. Now you must give people what they want and value in order to earn their attention, or theyâll tune you out. Connecting used to be a ânice to haveâ competence, but itâs now a make-or-break skill. Thatâs because thereâs been a monumental power shift in communication. The listeners now hold the power. Itâs as if they hold the remote control and youâre just one of many TV channels. They have options, so if you want to be Must-See TV, you must connect smartly.
Todayâs Make-or-Break Skill
The people youâre communicating with can zap you at any moment with their internal remotes, lured away by more appealing distractions such as e-mail, text messages, cell phone calls, or Web surfing. People have become so impatient in our fast-faster-fastest world that they donât even wait for you to finish a sentenceâthey cut you off and talk right over you.
Our attention-deficit world also encourages people to disconnect from in-person conversations:
⢠Have you ever been talking with someone when their cell phone rings and they choose to answer it and leave you hanging?
⢠Has the person in the next cubicle ever shot you an e-mail instead of walking over to talk to you?
⢠Are people keeping you at armâs length with e-mail and text messages instead of returning calls or talking face-to-face?
Blame the lure of instant gratification. Think about it: weâre now conditioned to get what we want, pronto. For example, thereâs GPS, speed dating, instant messaging, quick weight loss surgery, spray tans, ten-minute whitening stripsâthe list is endless. You donât even have to pay professional dues anymore, with shortcut shows like American Idol around to catapult you to the top. Weâve become a shortcut society.
That means you have to win people over in a hurry as attention spans shrink. Itâs vital to connect with people on their terms. So how do you do this? Simple: Give people what they want and value right up front. Thatâs my definition of smart connecting: Give people what they want and value so you keep their attention.
Biggest Blunders: Self-Absorption and Aimless Schmoozing
Think of a time when you failed to engage someone. Why did you fail to connect? There are countless reasons. Among them, perhaps you:
⢠Took too long to get to the point
⢠Chose the wrong method
⢠Didnât focus on the person
⢠Failed to grasp their true resistance
⢠Misjudged what they wanted or valued
⢠Lost your head and came across badly
⢠Sugarcoated a subject or demoralized someone
⢠Werenât specific enough
⢠Used a one-size-fits-all approach
All of these scenarios cause tune-out in todayâs short-attention-span, self-absorbed society. Whatâs the solution? Give people what they want and value, quickly. If you simply zero in on what matters most to your audience, theyâll reward you by paying attention. Like Tom Cruise in the movie Jerry Maguire, youâll have them at hello.
Now that you realize connecting is critical in our instant-gratification society, itâs time to start putting this attention-grabbing rule to work so you can advance toward conveying important information and convincing people to act. The first section of the book will focus on smart connecting strategies and techniques that you can start using today to manage the attention of your audience, enabling you to perform at your highest level and make your ratings soar.
2
Stay in Their Moment
Be Fully Present
Staying in their moment means fully focusing on the needs of the people with whom youâre communicating. It means first managing your own attention in order to win other peopleâs interest. This triggers a positive gut reaction that engages people and keeps their attention focused on you and your message. Use this strategy and youâll attract, not distract.
Fully Focus on Their Needs
Linda, an up-and-coming corporate executive, learned to stay in their moment after her self-absorption led to disastrous results. It happened at 7:30 on a Monday morning. As Linda was checking e-mail and reviewing her schedule of wall-to-wall meetings, her phone rang. It was the CEO of another organization. âIâve heard great things about you and Iâd like to explore having you join our leadership team,â he said. However, as the conversation unfolded, the CEO didnât like what he was hearing.
Linda came across as distracted and rushed. She interrupted him and talked over him. The CEO got the impression that Linda was self-absorbed and too unfocused to be an effective leader on his executive team. He quickly crossed her name off his short list of prospects.
Linda learned her lesson. What specifically did she change about her communication approach in order to stay in the moment? She stopped reading e-mail when she was on the telephone and disciplined herself to focus on the conversation at hand.
John, a sales executive at a large consumer goods company, saved his biggest account by staying in their moment. In a meeting with a longtime c...