The Perfectionist's Handbook

Take Risks, Invite Criticism, and Make the Most of Your Mistakes

Jeff Szymanski

• Publisher: Wiley
• Year: 2011
• Print ISBN: 9780470923368
• eBook ISBN: 9781118118689
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Business Development
• Index: Business

A guide for getting your perfectionism to work for you

Is perfectionism a good thing or does it get in our way? In The Perfectionist's Handbook, clinical psychologist Jeff Szymanski helps readers navigate their way out of the "perfectionism paradox": if your intentions are good (wanting to excel) and the outcomes you want are reasonable (to feel competent and satisfied), why would perfectionism backfire and result in unhappiness and stress? Learn when perfectionism will pay off, and when and why it sabotages you. Specific strategies are outlined throughout the book to help readers transform their perfectionism from a liability to an asset.

There is no reason to eliminate perfectionism altogether—instead, build on what's working and change what's not. The Perfectionist's Handbook helps readers to:

• Distinguish between intention and strategy as a way of improving outcomes
• Identify diminishing returns and how to redistribute time and resources
• Make the most of mistakes rather than being preoccupied with trying to avoid them
• Learn to focus on your "Top 10" list as a way of getting the most out of your life
• Access others more effectively as a way of improving performance
• Obtain more balance in their lives

Part I

Understanding Your Perfectionism

Chapter 1

Definitions and Types of Perfectionism

“You're such a perfectionist.” Are we supposed to feel insulted or flattered when we receive this comment? And what do people mean when they say that anyway? Do they label us as such because we are detail-oriented, organized, and systematic? When people enter my office as the executive director of the International OCD Foundation, they typically remark how neat and organized it is: “Suffer from the same affliction you claim to treat, huh?” Do they mean that being neat and organized qualifies me for obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)? I thought I was just trying to give a good impression! You know, look competent—like an executive director should look. I mean, wouldn't it be a little strange if I had all of my files and books strewn around the office with the past three days' worth of coffee cups piled up?

So, what are we referring to when we say someone is a perfectionist? Is perfectionism a behavior that includes being detail-oriented and organized? Is it an intention, like giving feedback to help improve someone's performance and achieve a certain standard? Is it an attitude, one in which you are always concerned about not making mistakes and giving others the “right” impression of you? Or, is it about outcomes only? In other words, can you still be a perfectionist if you have a messy office? What behaviors and attitudes define perfectionism?

As a result of discussions with my patients and my research on perfectionism, I've put together the following list of possible ways to define and describe perfectionism. Try to determine which of the following definitions might apply to you as you read through. To help you get a better sense of how each aspect of perfectionism operates I will also give examples of healthy and unhealthy perfectionism. For now though, just notice how many different ways there are to think about what being perfectionistic means and whether each of these categories resonates with you. I will have you think through the healthy and unhealthy dimension in the next chapter.

Absence of Mistakes or Flaws

We often consider something to be “perfect” when we can no longer find any errors, mistakes, or flaws. Copy editors, for example, review and reread manuscripts looking for spelling errors, grammatical mistakes, and so on. If they don't turn in “error-free” manuscripts, they may lose their jobs.

Emma is one such copy editor who truly enjoys her work—particularly the detail-oriented aspect of it. Although she might miss something on occasion, this is rare. Emma is considered a go-to person in her office, and she takes great pride in the fact that manuscripts she edits come out “flawless.”

John, on the other hand, works in the same office doing the same kind of work, but can become so consumed with finding errors, that he spends too much time reviewing each manuscript. He begins missing deadlines, thinking about how terrible it would be if a mistake slipped by him. What would his boss say? What would others think of him if this was the kind of product he turned in? He gets so stressed at work now that he finds himself surfing the Internet rather than doing his job. He simply finds it too anxiety provoking to go back to that manuscript.

In both cases, each person defines a good product as one with minimal errors. The way in which each person goes about making this happen, however, is quite different. Emma's problem-solving approach stays focused on what she enjoys doing, whereas John gets bogged down in “what if” scenarios that leave him preoccupied and stuck.

Personal Standards

Sometimes when you've done something “perfectly,” it simply means that you achieved a particular standard you set for yourself. For example, you earned As in your classes, which ensured a high grade point average (GPA), which got you into graduate school or helped you land your first job. Striving to achieve a personal standard like this can lead to increased endurance, accomplishment, and feelings of satisfaction. However, when taken to an extreme, these standards can become a source of diminished self-esteem, a feeling that “nothing is ever good enough,” and a belief that you'll never be able to achieve true perfection. It can also lead to a rigid adherence to following a rule: “It has to be done this way,” “It's always been done this way,” or “Do something right or don't do it at all.”

Dan is a marketing executive who works collaboratively with his team, enjoys the brainstorming process, and feels comfortable making final decisions about where projects are going. He regularly produces high-quality work, feels satisfied in his accomplishments, and uses feedback from his clients as indications that he's met the appropriate expectations. Another marketing exec named Sophia tends to take a different approach. She dictates to her team and rarely compliments others for their ideas. She also seems to make decisions about projects based on fear of being evaluated negatively rather than inspiring a creative process. Sophia's employees regularly doubt themselves, and many describe Sophia as controlling, critical, and undermining, claiming that “everything has to be done her way.” Sophia also seems unhappy at work, never satisfied with her own projects and outcomes.

Meeting an Expectation

One might also define perfectionism as having matched an expectation that someone else has set. For example, let's say that your boss informed you that you just gave an excellent presentation. As a result of this praise, you feel good about your effort and outcomes. Alternatively, however, you can also feel that others always have high standards for you—whether this is real or perceived. You worry that they're constantly pushing you to adhere to those standards and evaluating you negatively when you don't. (Notice that this is different from comparing your performance to your own personal standards as mentioned earlier.)

Hannah recognizes that her hard work pays off when she receives praise and recognition from her boss. She is open to feedback and uses input from others to improve her outcomes. As a result, she receives better projects, as well as promotions and bonuses. Bill, on the other hand, is constantly stressed and anxious about getting recognition from others. He feels guilty and constantly assumes that he has let everyone down. He becomes so preoccupied with pleasing others that he doesn't really have a direction or clear plan at work.

Order and Organization

Order, organization, and having “everything in its place” are yet other ways to think about perfectionism. An organized filing cabinet increases efficiency; a clean, uncluttered office is attractive to clients; and a bookshelf with books arranged by subject or author makes it easier to find things quickly.

I have 32 file folders on my computer. If someone asks me for a document, I know which category or folder to go into to retrieve it. It increases my efficiency and saves me time. However, Elizabeth—an office manager—can't seem to start work until her desk is cleaned up and organized. Not only does she like her space clean and organized, she always seems to be arranging everything around the office. She gets lost in the details of organizing, which in turn makes her less efficient. Because she is always reorganizing and rearranging everything, she is regularly in conflict with her coworkers, who find her behavior intrusive and interfering with their own work.

Ideals and “Just Right” Experiences

Have you ever heard about Plato's concept of forms—the philosophical idea that asks questions like, what makes a chair a chair? What is the prototypical chair? What does it look like? Is it wood or metal? Can it have three legs and still be a chair, or does it have to have four legs? What is the “perfect” chair? In this theoretical musing, Plato was trying to discern an ideal version of something—one to which all other variations could be compared. For example—what is the “perfect” television commercial, the one that has just the right balance of novelty, humor, and poignancy, to which all others ...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Dedication
• Acknowledgments
• Introduction
• Part I: Understanding Your Perfectionism
• Part II: Maximizing Healthy Perfectionism
• Bibliography
• Index