In this part . . .
Chapter 1
The Magic of Online Dating
In This Chapter
Understanding what makes Internet dating such a powerful tool for meeting new people
Overcoming your stereotypes about Internet dating
Close your eyes and imagine youâre walking down a crowded street in Manhattan during the lunchtime rush on a pleasant summer day. Assume youâre a single woman, divorced six months ago, in your late 30s or early 40s, and finally ready to start dating again.
You scan the crowd. Half are women. Of the men, some are way too young, too old, or too unattractive, but among the 200 or so people in your field of vision, 15 or so, may be age and gender appropriate. And within that 15, you see three that strike you as datable. What do you do? Do you go up to each of them and ask them if theyâre single, straight, and interested in a date this Saturday? And even if you had the courage to do just that, would you really want to date a complete stranger? By the time you had the courage to walk over to him, he may have already headed back to work, and you just missed him and the two other prospects across the street. This is the dilemma of modern urban adult singles. Dates (and maybe even mates) are out there, but where? And in any case, how many dates can you go on before randomly stumbling into a match?
Now imagine this alternate reality: You log on XYZ-onlinedating.com. You run a search of the database of prospects that sound suitable to you: a man, divorced, living within 25 miles (40km) from your home, about 5-feet-10-inches (180cm) tall, weight 160 to180 lbs (70â80 kg), with a masterâs degree and children. The search returns 75 prospects, of which 55 have photos.
Scanning the photos, you find five who are extremely attractive, 15 more whose looks appeal to you, five more who give you a so-so chemical response, and the rest, you couldnât imagine dating. Of the 20 or so that pique your interest, you read their personal essays and preferences in women. Half of the essays are pretty lame, but a few show signs of life. In fact, after reading the essays of some of the guys you didnât think were visually interesting, you find a couple more who seem to have enough upstairs to make up for their apparent visual weakness. You write to a few, and a few respond. Youâve done this all in about two hours from your kitchen and in your pajamas, late at night.
Both scenarios are completely realistic. In each case, appropriate singles are out there but in the first case, you simply donât know who they are. Even if they held up signs saying âIâm available,â you wouldnât know anything about them. So making contact is a double crapshoot. What are the odds that you will pick out a good, single one before you confidence goes below sea level?
Adding a Little Order to Your Dating
Traditional dating is fundamentally random. Consider this:
By sheer luck, youâre invited to a party. By chance, you meet a friend there. The friend is talking to someone who is single. You find the person physically interesting. He or she also shows signs of interest. You start a conversation that goes well. The party ends. One of you has the courage to propose exchanging phone numbers. You have a second date. You find out more about this person. You like what you see. So does he or she. And so on and so on.
Notice that if, at any step along the way, you realize youâre not a match, you quit and wait until another random event (like the party) occurs and you try again.
Considering the advantages of online dating, especially when compared to finding a mate in the nonvirtual world, we are amazed that the human race has managed to propagate without the benefit of computers up to this point in time.
Internet dating offers these benefits:
You know that (almost) every person posted online is available and looking for some kind of companionship, so that embarrassing question âare you in a relationshipâ is assumed to be ânoâ.
You know with a reasonable degree of accuracy, a great deal of data about each prospect (age, height, location, education, vocation, children, religion, and so on) before you exchange word one. (Dating sites that use personality profiles provide even more advanced data.)
You know something about how he or she thinks and writes (depending on the dating site).
You know roughly what he or she looks like.
You know how to contact him or her.
You have the chance to exchange e-mail and talk on the phone without ever revealing your identify, until youâre comfortable doing so.
You can move on to the next prospect quickly if there seems to be little interest after initial contacts.
You can do all this for less than what it costs you to go out to dinner at a moderate-priced restaurant.
No other form of dating compares in its ability to bring so many available singles together with tons of information about each, and it provides a quick and efficient way to ferret out matches.
Why Online Dating Is a Good Idea
Youâre reading this book, so youâre at least intrigued by the concept of online dating. If youâre not sure if this mode of dating is right for you, the next few sections offer some selling points, and if you need more convincing, check out the rest of Part I.
An almost limitless supply of people are online
Remember the earlier example about meeting someone at a party? Never mind how random that whole event is. How frequent is it that you find yourself in a situation where youâre surrounded by age-appropriate singles? Online, youâre surrounded by age-appropriate singles every time you log on. And if you donât find enough people at one site, you can go to any of hundreds of other sites, or you can simply wait a while and a new crop of singles will have signed on.
In effect the number of potential matches is essentially limitless and perpetually changing. Compare that to your current social circles. In addition to college, when was the last time you were exposed to a few hundred age-appropriate matches?
Internet dating is way more convenient than traditional dating
When was the last time you prospected for dates in your pajamas at 3 a.m.? The whole concept of virtual dating is that the community of single prospects is...
