Online Dating For Dummies

Judith Silverstein, Michael Lasky

• Publisher: For Dummies
• Year: 2011
• Print ISBN: 9780764538155
• eBook ISBN: 9781118053430
• Edition: 1

Chances are, you've heard about Internet dating from a friend, or an online banner ad has caught your eye. If you've given online dating a passing consideration, you may have some fears from all those graphic horror stories that jar your senses–and your sensibilities. Or you may think that meeting people via the Internet is only for the disenfranchised or socially unskilled.

From their own experiences, 20 million people can tell you otherwise. Online Dating For Dummies will get you off the fence and on the Internet dating path–with the skill of a seasoned pro. Like your best friend, this fun reference will give you the straight scoop on

• Gearing up with the right computer hardware
• Overcoming preconceived notions of who is online
• Talking the online lingo
• Enjoying conversation in chat rooms
• Considering date site options
• Establishing your screen identity
• Facing the consequences of not posting a photo

Internet dating is growing at double-digit rates every year, while other forms of finding a connection are flat or falling off. Internet dating, although far from perfect, is becoming the most effective and efficient method of getting introduced to a large number of available singles. Online Dating For Dummies shows you how to get your feet wet and how to dive in, making informed choices and exercising good judgment as you

• Sign up for a trial run on a dating site
• Try to describe yourself for your personal profile
• Initiate your first e-mail contact
• Make your first in-person meeting memorable
• Identify frauds and players
• Figure out what not to do if you really want to meet someone

Jumping into online dating with no preparation at all is possible–but not practical. If you follow the techniques in this friendly guide, your odds of meeting great potential matches will greatly improve, and you'll have far more fun in the process.

Part I

Making Online Dating Work for You

In this part . . .

The key to success in many endeavors is having the right state of mind and the right tools! This is so true of online dating. In writing this book, and indeed in our own online experiences, we saw some people having lots of fun and success, while a few seemed to be running into only the wrong kind of people. We know that this is statistically impossible, so it seems to boil down to this: If you’re psyched for success, and you don’t get frustrated by computer glitches, your chances of being among the ones having fun are much greater. This part gets you psyched about online dating and gives you a fair comparison of the alternatives. Then we get you hardware-ready to hit the net so you will be ready to go forth and meet.

Chapter 1

The Magic of Online Dating

In This Chapter

Understanding what makes Internet dating such a powerful tool for meeting new people

Overcoming your stereotypes about Internet dating

Close your eyes and imagine you’re walking down a crowded street in Manhattan during the lunchtime rush on a pleasant summer day. Assume you’re a single woman, divorced six months ago, in your late 30s or early 40s, and finally ready to start dating again.

You scan the crowd. Half are women. Of the men, some are way too young, too old, or too unattractive, but among the 200 or so people in your field of vision, 15 or so, may be age and gender appropriate. And within that 15, you see three that strike you as datable. What do you do? Do you go up to each of them and ask them if they’re single, straight, and interested in a date this Saturday? And even if you had the courage to do just that, would you really want to date a complete stranger? By the time you had the courage to walk over to him, he may have already headed back to work, and you just missed him and the two other prospects across the street. This is the dilemma of modern urban adult singles. Dates (and maybe even mates) are out there, but where? And in any case, how many dates can you go on before randomly stumbling into a match?

Now imagine this alternate reality: You log on XYZ-onlinedating.com. You run a search of the database of prospects that sound suitable to you: a man, divorced, living within 25 miles (40km) from your home, about 5-feet-10-inches (180cm) tall, weight 160 to180 lbs (70–80 kg), with a master’s degree and children. The search returns 75 prospects, of which 55 have photos.

Scanning the photos, you find five who are extremely attractive, 15 more whose looks appeal to you, five more who give you a so-so chemical response, and the rest, you couldn’t imagine dating. Of the 20 or so that pique your interest, you read their personal essays and preferences in women. Half of the essays are pretty lame, but a few show signs of life. In fact, after reading the essays of some of the guys you didn’t think were visually interesting, you find a couple more who seem to have enough upstairs to make up for their apparent visual weakness. You write to a few, and a few respond. You’ve done this all in about two hours from your kitchen and in your pajamas, late at night.

Both scenarios are completely realistic. In each case, appropriate singles are out there but in the first case, you simply don’t know who they are. Even if they held up signs saying “I’m available,” you wouldn’t know anything about them. So making contact is a double crapshoot. What are the odds that you will pick out a good, single one before you confidence goes below sea level?

Adding a Little Order to Your Dating

Traditional dating is fundamentally random. Consider this:

By sheer luck, you’re invited to a party. By chance, you meet a friend there. The friend is talking to someone who is single. You find the person physically interesting. He or she also shows signs of interest. You start a conversation that goes well. The party ends. One of you has the courage to propose exchanging phone numbers. You have a second date. You find out more about this person. You like what you see. So does he or she. And so on and so on.

Notice that if, at any step along the way, you realize you’re not a match, you quit and wait until another random event (like the party) occurs and you try again.

Considering the advantages of online dating, especially when compared to finding a mate in the nonvirtual world, we are amazed that the human race has managed to propagate without the benefit of computers up to this point in time.

Internet dating offers these benefits:

You know that (almost) every person posted online is available and looking for some kind of companionship, so that embarrassing question “are you in a relationship” is assumed to be “no”.

You know with a reasonable degree of accuracy, a great deal of data about each prospect (age, height, location, education, vocation, children, religion, and so on) before you exchange word one. (Dating sites that use personality profiles provide even more advanced data.)

You know something about how he or she thinks and writes (depending on the dating site).

You know roughly what he or she looks like.

You know how to contact him or her.

You have the chance to exchange e-mail and talk on the phone without ever revealing your identify, until you’re comfortable doing so.

You can move on to the next prospect quickly if there seems to be little interest after initial contacts.

You can do all this for less than what it costs you to go out to dinner at a moderate-priced restaurant.

No other form of dating compares in its ability to bring so many available singles together with tons of information about each, and it provides a quick and efficient way to ferret out matches.

Why Online Dating Is a Good Idea

You’re reading this book, so you’re at least intrigued by the concept of online dating. If you’re not sure if this mode of dating is right for you, the next few sections offer some selling points, and if you need more convincing, check out the rest of Part I.

An almost limitless supply of people are online

Remember the earlier example about meeting someone at a party? Never mind how random that whole event is. How frequent is it that you find yourself in a situation where you’re surrounded by age-appropriate singles? Online, you’re surrounded by age-appropriate singles every time you log on. And if you don’t find enough people at one site, you can go to any of hundreds of other sites, or you can simply wait a while and a new crop of singles will have signed on.

In effect the number of potential matches is essentially limitless and perpetually changing. Compare that to your current social circles. In addition to college, when was the last time you were exposed to a few hundred age-appropriate matches?

Internet dating is way more convenient than traditional dating

When was the last time you prospected for dates in your pajamas at 3 a.m.? The whole concept of virtual dating is that the community of single prospects is...

Table of contents

• Title
• Contents
• Introduction
• Part I : Making Online Dating Work for You
• Chapter 1: The Magic of Online Dating
• Chapter 2: Considering the Alternatives to Online Dating
• Chapter 3: Maximizing Your Ability to Connect Online
• Part II : So Many Online Dating Sites, So Little Time
• Chapter 4: Wheeling and Dealing: Dating Site Cost Options
• Chapter 5: Spotting the Differences from Site to Site
• Chapter 6: A Tour of the Sites: Your Inside Guide
• Part III : Jumping Aboard for the Online Time of Your Life
• Chapter 7: Signing Up for a Trial Run
• Chapter 8: Establishing Your Screen Identity
• Chapter 9: Yeah! Multiple-Choice Questions
• Chapter 10: Yikes! The Essay Questions!
• Chapter 11: Dealing with Matters of Sex
• Chapter 12: Selecting the All-Important Photo
• Part IV : Initiating Contact: You’ve Got Mail
• Chapter 13: Getting Matched Up
• Chapter 14: Exchanging E-mails
• Chapter 15: Understanding E-mail and E-mail Etiquette
• Chapter 16: Rejection!
• Chapter 17: Going from Virtual to Real Contact
• Part V : Skirting the Hazards of Online Dating
• Chapter 18: Safety First
• Chapter 19: Unmasking and Avoiding Frauds and Players
• Chapter 20: Special Circumstances: Big Cities, Small Towns, and Long-Distance Relationships
• Part VI : The Part of Tens
• Chapter 21: Ten Ways to Screw Up Online Dating
• Chapter 22: Ten Ways to Succeed at Online Dating