CHAPTER ONE
Developing the Habits of a Winner
Dr. Denis Waitley
Dr. Denis Waitley entered the Napoleon Hill universe when he was hired by W. Clement Stone, founder of Combined Insurance, to speak to 7,000 salespeople at the company. Dr. Waitley went on to produce recorded lectures that have been listened to by millions, and he became one of the worldās premiere motivational speakers and writers. Some of his most well-known works include the essay āDeveloping Winnerās Habitsā and his bestselling audio, āThe Psychology of Winning.ā
Waitley graduated from Annapolis and was a pilot with the Blue Angels, the Navyās precision flying team. He was a psychologist for the Apollo moon program and was a rehabilitating coordinator for Americaās returning Vietnam prisoners of war. He is also a member of the International Speakers Hall of Fame and developed the following ten attitudes and actions to help people become total winners:
In this landmark essay, Waitley uses anecdotes from his own life to drive home some of the classic habits of winning that can elevate your level of success, including self-awareness and self-esteem.
SELF-AWARENESS
I teach a program called POW, which everyone thinks means Prisoner of War. But I did it in Cambridge, England, and the little boys applauded when I put it up on the wall. They thought I meant the Prince of Wales. Later, I was in New York and Gloria Steinem saw me put POW up on the board, and she thought it meant Power of Woman! But in reality, the meaning of POW is Psychology of Winning. It always has been.
My father was right. He spent two years with me, age 7 to 9, and then he left home, but it didnāt make any difference because my personality had already been formed. My dad came in and gave me the precious gift that too few parents today give. A new Harvard study shows we spend less than 60 seconds a day alone, one-on-one, with each child when theyāre most receptive to input, just before they go to bed. Less than 60 seconds a day alone with each child. Well, I spend time at the dinner table, and I spend time around the television set, and I tuck them in. My dad gave me more: 15 minutes a night, for two years. That was enough. He sat on my bed and told me the greatest thing Iāve ever heard. He said, āYou know, I love you.ā And he also said, āBy the way, youāre born of special stuff, thatās all. Your mother and I played Russian Roulette, and your chamber came up with the best of both of us. I donāt know how you did it.ā He said, āMaybe itās our ancestry.ā He said, āI missed my ship. Youāll catch yours.ā He said, āBy the way, when I turn out the light for you, my son, it goes out all over the world. You see, light is to the eyes of the beholder, to the eyes of the receiver. It doesnāt make any difference whatās going on. Itās how you take it. Keep your eyes open. Keep them shiny. Go for it. Donāt worry about what I did. You donāt have to be like me. You can choose to be different.ā Well, heās the greatest winner Iāve ever known. He gave me the encouragement to understand that itās my world, too, and that itās OK to feel good no matter where we came from.
Just when I get to thinking Iām greatāand I do about once every two monthsāI remember I was honored by both houses of Congress as the new speaker on the circuit. I came in from the back of the room late. I was wearing my bank-loan suit (my sincere suit), which I always wear. It has a vest to hold my stomach in (Iām 46 and need all the help I can get.). I walked in from the back of the room, nervous. When I get nervous, I get a good grip on myself and I rock back and forth, toes to heels. When I really got nervous I broke into my Bob Newhart shtick, a nervous laugh, and I went, āHa, ha, ha, ha, ha,ā because no one cared that I was there, and I finally got their attention.
As I looked out in the audience, the Senator from Massachusetts recognized me on sight for who I really am. He looked up from his seat, and he said, āCome on down.ā Just like Bob Barker on The Price is Right, he said, āCome on down.ā
Well, I walked down like Vince Lombardi. I was the Marlboro man in the NFL, leather-on-leather. I thought, What do you know. I finally made it. I walked down and I said, āSenator Kennedy and Senator Mansfield, how you gentlemen doing today?ā
Senator Kennedy said, āWe need some more rolls and butter here.ā
You donāt think it happened, but it really did. They thought I was the maĆ®tre dā and so did someone outside, who asked me to show them to their seats.
Waitleyās anecdote is a good reminder that self-awareness is often dependent on reading the room and remembering that, sometimes, peopleās perceptions of you may not match your own sense of self-awareness.
WINNING
What is winning? Winning is never whining. Winning is picking up a beer can you didnāt throw on the beach. Winning is coming in fourth when you came in fifth last time. Winning is treating animals like people and people like brothers and sisters. Winning is all in the attitude, no question. Talent is cheap. The world is full of talented winos on every corner. Education, you can get. Educated derelicts are wandering around. Instead, Iād give every child in the world a box of attitude for Christmas and keep it going.
The program I teach is called Psychology of Winning: The Ten Traits of the Total Person. Iāve never seen one [a total person], but if there could be one, he or she would be like this. Theyād have self-awareness that the world is abundant. Theyād look at the environment as a candy store that you couldnāt live in a thousand years and tap out any of it. Theyād look at the flowers instead of stepping on the weeds. Theyād see that the abundance is there for all of us in the environment.
Theyād look at their body, not like I looked at mine. In my awareness, I looked at my body as an old clunker to get me from birth to death with the least number of overhauls. I got a ā33 Dodge Caravan, and if you and I went out to eat, I would eat a salad in front of you, but up in my room Iāve got Twinkies, Ding Dongs, and M&Mās. Iām a closet eater; thereās no question about it.
I thought life was a race to come in first, and Iām darn near there already. Iāve got some self-awareness about my body. Try it sometime.
Once, I walked into my room. I locked the door, I thought. I listened for footsteps; there werenāt any. I locked my bedroom door, took off all my clothes, put a grocery bag over my head, and cut eye holes right in it. I slipped it over my head and looked at myself in front of a full-length mirror for the first time in my life. I didnāt see an old friend. I looked full length at a stranger with a bag over his head, and I saw the Incredible Hulk. I gave myself a side view, and I started laughing. I gave myself a rear view, and I said, āI donāt know who you are, but get dressed and get out.ā
Just then my wife walked in, and she said, āHa, ha, ha!ā
And I said, quickly recovering, āTrick or treat, dear.ā
And she said, āIāll take the trick.ā
She said, āBe kind to yourself. If youāre going to go into a self-awareness nude-cult movement, go ahead and be nude, but donāt cut eye holes in the bag. Youāll like yourself better that way.ā But now, I know whatās happening (and what was happening then): self-awareness. Iāve been selling myself short. The environment is a candy store. My body is a Ferrari. Youāre supposed to tweak and tune it to win at the Grand Prix at LeMans. Itās an Apollo spacecraft. You canāt fly the environment unless you feel good. You cannot do good unless you feel good.
Iām lazy. I know 500 songs but only the first four notes. If you think I know anything special, no, I donāt; itās garbage in, garbage out. Iām lazy. What am I afraid of? Iām afraid to win. Why? Winning is heavy. You have to act responsibly and set an example. People try to knock you off. Iām not afraid to fail. I do it every day. Iām afraid to win because winning is heavy. Self-awareness. Abundance. Moment of truth. Step back.
Take five minutes to do a quick self-assessment of your own self-awareness. Focus on one area of your life whether itās physical, mental, or emotional, and jot down a quick bulleted list of what you notice. You can take these mini self-awareness inventories as frequently as you like. Chart them in your journal so you can see how they change over time.
SELF-ESTEEM
Aside from self-awareness, self-esteem is the single most important human quality. I realize I could have been Paul Newman instead of looking like Alfred E. Neuman. I realize Iām 46. I weigh about 190 with āgustsā to 210. I realize I coulda-woulda-shoulda-mighta-oughta and if only Ida, and, someday, Iāll. But now I know where the action is. If the spiritual love comes through and you feel it, then you give it away.
Why? You wouldnāt know it if you didnāt feel it. How could you love anyone else unless you love yourself? You couldnāt. So then, self-love isnāt narcissism or hedonism. Self-esteem is the single most important quality because skyjackers have none, assassins have none, criminals have none. The winners have it. Why? They want to give it away. They realize happiness is the by-product of a good life, with nothing to be sought. Theyāre happy in building the best self in order to give it away.
Iāve been able to spot self-esteem early in children. Why? I raised mine the wrong way. Iāve got six children, all boysāexcept four girls. I want my children to be winners, so Iāve raised them every way I can. Iāve given them all the great āencouragementā a paren...