THE BEEKEEPER
When the tire blows, Iām composing my resignation letter in my head.
Itās become my favorite way to pass the time on long drives, and this stretch is a particularly painful one. I donāt know if itās the potholes or the lack of anything to look at but trees, but the further I drive, the less happy I am.
No doubt thatās why Iām in a darker mood than usual, and debating whether to open the letter with Dear Asshat, or To the Douchebags Whom It May Concern. Both have their appeal, and both are, as far as Iām concerned, true.
Iāve found that the take-this-job-and-shove-it fantasy is particularly helpful on bad days. And this is definitely one of those. Not only am I going home empty-handed, but itās also bucketing rain, which is going to make a terrible drive just that much longer. It just gives me more time to dwell on a job I can barely tolerate, but from which I can never seem to escape.
When the tire goes, Iām so deep in the daydream of quitting that it takes me a moment to realize whatās happened. Before my brain connects the dots between the loud noise and the sudden sideways lurch of the car, the back end is already breaking loose on the wet pavement.
I fight the skid, pulling the wheel first one way, then the other as the car fishtails wildly. Through the blur of the wet windshield, the pickets of a guardrail sweep through my vision.
In a heart-pounding few seconds, itās over. I limp the car to the shoulder. Thereās a wobbling, scraping noise from the back that doesnāt sound good. I squint through the rain, over the guardrail: It looks like a drop.
I loosen my fingers from their death grip on the wheel and take a deep breath. That was close. Just a few extra feet and I might have been upside down at the bottom of a ravine. For the first time today, I feel lucky.
It makes me realize how stupid the job-quitting daydream is. Iām never going to do it, so why do I bother? Itās like one of those dreams where you win the lottery. When you wake up broke, you just feel even worse than usual. I should just feel grateful to be right-side up on the highway, my heart still beating.
My heart slows and I slump back in the seat. The rain splatters the windshield in between the thumping sweeps of the wipers. My feeling of gratitude fades as quickly as it came.
Not a good day, I think.
I pull my roadside assistance card from my wallet. Thereās no point in changing my own tire in this weather. I check my phone. No service. Great.
Outside, the rain is still coming down. I donāt have a raincoat or an umbrella, just my suit jacket. Itās better than nothing, so I throw it on, pop the trunk, and step out of the car into the rain.
The trunk, of course, is a jumbled mess of sample cases and crap, and by the time I get things shoved around enough to get at the spare tire, I know that the suit jacket actually isnāt better than nothing. Itās the same as nothing. Iām soaked right through.
When I finally discover that the spare is flat, Iām beyond frustrated. I scream into the gray, rainy sky, and slam the trunk lid. I climb back into the driverās seat, sit in a puddle of water, and wonder, Why me?
Things didnāt start out this way. In the beginning, my job selling medical supplies was great. The pay was high. Training was a priority. There were lots of perks and elaborate company events. I felt this sense of upward mobilityāof possibility.
For a while, the job was every salespersonās dream: high margin, steady demand, and a product that helps people. What more could you want?
I found out pretty quickly when the company abruptly changed hands. It turns out thereās a lot to want. You can want a job where they donāt change your territory just when youāve finally built some decent relationships. Where they donāt change the commission structure every time you feel like youāre starting to make a buck. Where your best customers donāt get clawed back and become corporate accounts as soon as your hard work starts to pay off.
Now, the whole thing feels like one big bait and switch. And yet I keep showing up every day. On the worst days, like today, I write my resignation letter in my head. But then I show up the next day like some sucker in a rigged carnival game.
Part of it is the carrot: They keep dangling an account executive title just out of my reach. That would mean more money and less time on the road, which would be great news for both me and my wife, Emma.
The other reason I keep showing upāthe thing opposite the carrotāis the stick. I canāt leave. I need the money. I donāt have a fancy degree or fancy connections. I donāt have a fancy trust fund. What I do have is a fancy mortgage that we can barely afford. Leaving feels like financial suicide.
I canāt stay. I canāt leave. I chase the carrots, but theyāre always dangled just out of reach. I fear the stick, which makes me feel trapped. I feel like Iām getting nowhere.
Thereās a loud crack of thunder, and lightning brightens the gray afternoon. Despite it all, I laugh. Right now, I literally am getting nowhere. I check my phone again. No signal.
Iām about to get out and start walking when a car pulls up behind me, its headlights washing over me in the rain-darkened afternoon. I squint in the rearview mirror, but I canāt see anything in the glare.
The headlights turn off, and I realize itās not a car, but a pickup truck. One thatās seen better days, from what I can tell. Iām about to hop out and save whoever it is the trouble of getting out into the rain, but they beat me to it.
I say they, because thereās no way to tell whether the person climbing out of the pickup truck is a man or a woman. Theyāre shrouded from the neck down in a bulky white suit, topped with a sort of floppy white helmet. For the briefest moment, I wonder if Iām about to be abducted by aliens. Sure, Noah. An alien in a beat-up old Ford.
Okay. So itās not aliens. But whatās with the spacesuit? A darker thought strikes me: What if itās a serial killer? The spacesuit looks like one of those white forensic outfits psychopaths use to keep from leaving evidence.
Suddenly, my crappy sales job doesnāt seem so crappy. Suddenly, Iād give anything to be back on the road and feeling grateful for my ever-shrinking commission check.
A white-gloved hand knocks on my window.
I push the button, lowering it a crack too small to let in rain or aliens or serial killers.
āWell hello,ā says the warm, slightly raspy voice of an older man. āYou look like a fella in need of a better day.ā
A few moments later, Iām tucked into the warm cab of the old pickup truck, with most of my thoughts of aliens and serial killers left behind. The truck is at least three decades old, but itās clean and seems to be idling smoothly.
āThanks so much,ā I say. āThereās no cell service here. My spare is flat. I guess I need a tow.ā
The man pulls the strange white helmet off his head, and I see that it isnāt a helmet at all, but more of a floppy hat with mesh over the front. Underneath the getup is a man who looks to be in his late 60s. Fit, with a healthy but lined face. One that shows its years but carries them well.
āI had a spare like that once,ā he says, setting down the hat. I think heās joking, but I canāt really tell. Then he looks directly at me and I see the twinkle in his eyes.
āTom Barnham,ā he says, pulling off a white glove and extending a hand.
āNoah Mason,ā I reply. āThank you again. Is there a phone near here I could use?ā
Tom shifts the truck into gear, and we pull away. āYessir,ā he says. āWeāll have to go to my place, though. Nearest cell tower is a ways off.ā
I watch out the passenger window as we drive past my car, and I feel another pang of uncertainty.
āDonāt worry,ā Tom says. āYour car will be fine here.ā He tugs at the zipper that extends down the front of his white jumpsuit.
āWhatās with the outfit?ā I ask.
āItās for the bees,ā he says.
āThe bees?ā
āWas just on my way to pick up a hive when the storm came in,ā he explains. āOtherwise you might be sharing this ride with a few thousand other hitchhikers.ā
āYouāre a beekeeper?ā
Tom seems to ponder this. āAfter a fashion,ā he says. āAlthough you might better say they keep me.ā
I donāt quite get this, but before I can ask what he means, the old truckās engine sputters an...