Ask Outrageously!

The Secret to Getting What You Really Want

Linda Swindling, Linda Byars Swindling

• Publisher: Berrett-Koehler Publishers
• Year: 2023
• Print ISBN: 9781523082711
• eBook ISBN: 9781523082735
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Business Communication

"Learn how to ' ask outrageously' for what you want—and get what you need—with this bold guide to self-confidence." —Daniel H. Pink,  New York Times–bestselling author of  Drive and  To Sell Is Human
 
 Stop Holding Yourself Back—It's Time to Go Ask!
 
The strongest relationships, top sales groups, and most successful organizations have one thing in common: people who have the courage to ask outrageously. This doesn't mean being obnoxious or taking advantage of people. It means not compromising, taking a risk to get what you know you need, not what you think you can get.
 
Based on Linda Swindling's original research and her experience helping people make high-stakes requests in everything from business negotiations to marriage proposals, this book offers proven approaches to improve your asking and boost your chances of success. Whether you are a professional looking for a bigger opportunity, an entrepreneur striving to build a company, a nonprofit seeking funding, or simply a parent or friend wanting a more fulfilling relationship, it's time to make that big ask! Get ready. Your results will surpass your greatest expectations!
 
IBPA Benjamin Franklin Award silver winner in the Self-Help category.
 
"Linda Swindling has nailed the way to get better results:  Ask Outrageously up front. People trust the clear and distrust the ambiguous. Read the book and practice the techniques—trust me on this!" —David Horsager, bestselling author of  The Trust Edge and CEO Trust Edge Leadership Institute
 
"If this is the only book you read this year, get it, read it, learn the content and reap new rewards." —Don Hutson,   New York Times–bestselling co-author of  The One Minute Entrepreneur

One

Proof You Should Ask Outrageously

There is magic in asking. The people with the best results are those who have the courage to feel the fear and ask anyway. They win more by being willing to push the envelope. They learn to ask for a little more and explore possibilities. They become more comfortable with taking risks and even hearing no.

People in history—from politicians to rock stars to Nobel Peace Prize winners—have had great success making outrageous requests. Having the courage to ask creates unbelievable results. A simple request can challenge injustice in the name of human dignity, generate significant medical advancements, create new ways of doing business, and impact communities. Consider these historic requests.

Rosa Parks asked, “Why do I have to sit at the back of the bus?” and her request led to changing racial segregation laws to protect the rights of all citizens regardless of race.

Louis Pasteur asked, “What causes wine to sour?”—a request that led to the discovery of how to destroy bacteria, which evolved into pasteurization technology to keep food safe. Mary-Ellis Bunim and Jonathan Murray asked MTV, “Can we create an unscripted television show that follows the life of strangers in a house?” The result led to The Real World and the genre of reality TV. (Arguably, some results are more notable than others.)

Outrageous Outcomes

There is a snowball effect when you begin to ask outrageously. What may be a simple request often grows into several requests. Asking can evolve into negotiations involving bigger stakes than you thought possible.

Want a secret only those who make high-stakes requests know? Asking outrageously feels the same, no matter the dollar amount or the consequences. The adrenaline rush, the fear, the excitement, the quickening heartbeat, the change in breathing, and the concentrated attention feel the same. And people who ask outrageously receive unbelievable results in all areas of their lives. Often, the most meaningful outcomes are personal ones.

After years of no communication, I called my son and apologized. I asked if we could start over. He let me speak to my grandson for the first time. My grandson is four years old.

I asked my boyfriend when he thought we should get married. He proposed the next week. He had paid for the ring six months ago but didn’t think I was ready and was waiting.

I asked my parents if I could borrow the money to make a down payment on a house. Instead of loaning it to me, they gave me the money. They had wanted to help me but didn’t know how. I’d still be living in an apartment if I hadn’t asked.

Other outrageous outcomes begin with requests that are business related:

I asked my partners if they were willing to expand by opening an office in San Antonio or Austin. They agreed and we opened offices in both cities.

After seventeen years of thinking about it, I approached physicians in other medical practices. I asked if they were interested in how we handled our back office and our methods for collecting payments. That request led to an entirely new business, which has generated millions of dollars.

In the past, a supplier and I did a lot of business together, but we had a falling out. I went to her booth on the trade show floor and asked if we could put our grievances aside and do business again. We just filled our largest order yet.

During a break in the negotiations seminar, I went into the hall and made a call to ask for a reduction in our medical equipment rental fees. We now are paying 30 percent less for the same equipment. I locked down the price for the next three years, and it only took one phone call.

What’s Difficult about Asking?

More than 96 percent of those surveyed said they could have improved their results by asking for a little bit more or by taking more of a risk (see Figure 2). Almost a third said they could have increased their results by at least 50 percent. According to the study, the top reasons people hold back or don’t ask are:

I will frustrate or bug the person I’m asking.

I will use the wrong words.

I will embarrass myself or look stupid.

I will be told no.

This self-monitoring and reluctance to ask prevents you from receiving results well within your grasp. And “overwhelm or bug the person I’m asking” ranks as significantly more difficult than “be told no.” Seems odd, right? People would rather be told no than feel they are bothering someone to get what they want.

The Ask Outrageously Study reveals people are worried about the wrong things. For instance, people think their requests are denied because:

The other person lacks all the information needed.

The timing is wrong.

The person I’m asking doesn’t want to spend the money.

Actually, the top two reasons people report saying no when approached are that the person making the request:

Is asking for something that is inappropriate.

Is someone I don’t like, respect, or trust.

News flash: We are focusing on the wrong things. The research shows that there is no correlation between why people say no and why people think they are told no. Most people don’t know the true reasons that their requests have been denied.

The primary reason people say no is when a person “is asking for something inappropriate” (with 36 percent reporting it as the primary reason). However, when given the opportunity to select “inappropriate” as a reason their requests are denied, only 4 percent of people thought it was the answer. (See Figure 4.)

To further support this disparity, 31 percent of respondents report saying no if they “don’t like, trust, or respect” the person making the request. However, only 5 percent of people think that they’re told no because the people they’ve asked “don’t like or respect me.”

The study also showed 79 percent of people feel more confident and prepared when they have all the information needed.

What a tremendous disconnect between perception and reality! What good is preparing with all the information needed when you are asking the wrong person for the wrong thing? How does all that research data help when the person you ask doesn’t like, respect, or trust you?

What are the consequences of not asking?

Not getting what you want or living with outcomes det...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Contents
• Introduction: Ask Outrageously!
• How to Get Outrageous Results from This Book
• Assessment: How Well Do You Ask?
• 1 Proof You Should Ask Outrageously
• 2 Show Up Powerfully
• 3 The Right Focus
• 4 What’s in It for Them?
• 5 Trust and Respect
• 6 Ask Everywhere—All the Time
• 7 Blocks
• 8 Asking for Others
• 9 Authority
• 10 Tailor Your Ask
• 11 Calm under Pressure
• 12 Outrageous Results
• A Final Note
• Resources: Secret Success Tools
• Acknowledgments
• Index
• About the Author