The Courage Way

Leading and Living with Integrity

The Center for Courage & Renewal, Shelly L. Francis

• Publisher: Berrett-Koehler Publishers
• Year: 2018
• Edition: 1
• eBook ISBN:
  9781626567771
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Leadership
• Index: Business

The Courage Way
Leading and Living with Integrity Leadership can be exhausting, lonely, frustrating, disappointing, and downright discouraging. You have to make good decisions while balancing inevitable tensions and knowing when to take risks. You need to keep your values in sight regardless of the pressures around you and stay calm in the storms that arise. At its core, leadership is a daily, ongoing practice, a journey toward becoming your best self and inviting others to do the same. And at the heart of this daily practice is courage. And that's where The Courage Way comes in. It's a guide to leadership that names and explores this important resource and shows leaders how to access and draw upon courage in all that they do. It has its roots in the work of Parker J. Palmer, who in fifty years of teaching, speaking, and writing has explored the human spirit—what he has called "the inner landscape"—and its role in life and leadership.Shelly Francis identifies key ingredients needed to cultivate courage, the most fundamental being trust—in ourselves and in each other. She describes the Center for Courage & Renewal's Circle of Trust approach, centered around eleven "touchstones, " poetic and practical operating guidelines for holding the meaningful conversations of inner work and trust building. Each chapter features true stories of how leaders in all kinds of settings have overcome challenges and strengthened their organizations through touchstones like "Extend invitation, not demand, " "No fixing, saving, advising, or correcting, " and "When the going gets rough, turn to wonder."This graceful and inspiring book is a guide to courageous leadership and a journey of self-discovery—the two are inextricable. As Francis writes, "Courage is not only in you—it is you. In your moments of courage, that's when you meet your true self."

1

What Is the Courage Way?

Our complicity in world making is a source of awesome and sometimes painful responsibility—and a source of profound hope for change. It is the ground of our common call to leadership, the truth that makes leaders of us all.

—Parker J. Palmer

Most people would agree that leadership is something we need more of, but there’s little agreement about exactly what good leadership means, except that we don’t want more of the traditionally hierarchical and authoritarian style. Search the Internet with the keywords good leadership and you’ll find countless books and articles with lists of the top skills and traits of a good leader. You’ll also find all kinds of programs and coaches and organizations claiming to offer the secrets to leading well, as if there were a shortcut.

Most of us know “good” leadership when we see it or experience it; we put labels on it, like authentic, transformational, trustworthy, successful, courageous. Look further. Good leadership is about making good decisions by balancing inevitable tensions and knowing when to take risks. Leadership is keeping your values in sight regardless of the pressures around you, and staying calm in the storms that arise. Leadership is listening well and inviting opinions and answers from others. Leadership is inspiring others with your vision, influencing them with the power of your presence. Leadership encourages others to step into their leadership, too.

That’s a lot to expect from a leader, yet that’s what is required, both for the running of organizations and institutions and for those who aspire to create change in the world despite broad disagreement on precisely what needs to change. Good leaders shape the conversation so that meaningful progress can be made around complex issues.

Leadership can be exhausting, lonely, frustrating, disappointing, ineffective, and downright discouraging. To sustain themselves, leaders need stamina, inner strength, and a supportive community.

So where do you find such resources for good leadership? Lists of traits and skills may tell you what kind of leader to be, but they don’t tell you how to get there. At its core, leadership is a daily, ongoing practice, a journey toward becoming your best self and inviting others to do the same. And at the heart of this daily practice is courage. And that’s where the Courage Way comes in. It’s a guide to leadership and a way of life that names and explores this important resource and shows leaders how to access and draw on courage in all that they do.

The Heart of Leadership

We might sense that courage comes from within, but really, how do we find it or draw on it? To answer this, Parker Palmer and the Center for Courage & Renewal explore the essential questions: What if courage comes from a deep trust in ourselves, a trust rooted in profound self-knowledge? And not just from ego-or mind-based thinking but from the deepest part of ourselves, where we can be true to ourselves and true to others. What if more people made choices based on a mindful, self-aware way of weighing the options, seeing the biggest picture, and consciously considering the feelings and opinions of others, while staying faithful to a much larger vision of purpose and meaning?

In fact, the realization of these “what ifs” can be seen in the history of social movements when the power of the human heart is skillfully evoked and deployed in strategic action that counters the power of positional authority and physical prowess and economic might. If that were not the case, no oppressed minorities would ever have made any social gains. These are movements animated by the only power left to people who have had all the external power taken away from them: the heart to claim their integrity. If the heart weren’t so powerful, there would never have been social movements to rectify social injustices. If the heart weren’t so powerful in its commitment to meaning and purpose and caring for others, the ongoing need to collaborate, to reach common understandings, and to work out the details, movements would be unable to effect meaningful change.

For over twenty-five years, the Center for Courage & Renewal, its facilitators, its staff, and the thousands of people who have gone through its programs have been exploring these “what-if” questions and have come up not with answers but with a way of living, thinking, relating, and leading that is life giving. The Courage Way is at the center of what it takes to empower people to lead in wholehearted ways, regardless of the scale and scope of their efforts.

Five Key Ingredients of the Courage Way

In the more than 120 interviews I conducted for this book, I found a pattern of five key ingredients in how leaders have learned to cultivate courage. Three powerful main concepts are true self, trust, and community; the two key practices are paradox and reflection. Later chapters will flesh out each idea, but here’s a brief overview.

True Self

Our basic premise is that inside of each person is the essential self who continues to grow and yet somehow, deep down, remains constant. Every person has access to this inner source of truth, named in various wisdom traditions as identity and integrity, inner teacher, heart, inner compass, spirit, or soul. Your true self is a source of guidance and strength that helps you find your way through life’s complexities and challenges. When you begin to listen to and trust the truest part of yourself, your choices and relationships flow from that trust, begetting more trust.

Trust

Courage takes trust—in ourselves and in each other. Trustworthy relationships create the conditions for people to flourish and for positive change to arise. Relational trust is based on our perceptions of personal regard, professional respect, competence, and integrity in other people. Coming to understand the attitudes, assumptions, and biases that lead to such perceptions of trust entails honest inner work. Our collection of principles and practices is a time-tested approach for facilitating inner work and cultivating relational trust.

Community

Becoming more self-aware and trustworthy requires both individual introspection and a supportive community. We offer a specialized meaning of community as “solitudes alone together” as well as a “community of inquiry.” Our practices offer models for how to reflect and interact with each other so that new clarity and courage can emerge.

Being receptive to the very idea of needing other people in community takes courage and yet, in turn, creates resilience. Leaders must know how to invite people into and hold them accountable for cocreating trustworthy space so that they can support each other in service of their work together. Achieving effective collaboration requires genuine trustworthy community.

Paradox

We can learn to practice paradox by recognizing that the polarities that come with being human (life and death, love and loss) are “both-ands” rather than “either-ors.” We can learn to let those tensions hold us in ways that stretch our hearts and minds open to new insights and possibilities. With paradox we honor both the voice of the individual and our collective intelligence. We trust both our intellects and the knowledge that comes through our bodies, intuitions, and emotions. Paradox values both speaking and listening. An appreciation of paradox enriches our lives, helping us hold greater complexity. Integrating our inner lives with our work in the world comes from daily practice in holding paradox.

Reflection

Reflection cultivates more ways of knowing and learning that complement your mind and emotions, but draw from a deeper place: your intuition, imagination, and innermost being. Reflection is a practice that can be enriched by the mirroring of trustworthy companions.

When we reflect together, such as by exploring how universal stories of human experience intersect with the personal stories of our lives, it can create relational trust. Guided conversations focused on a poem, a teaching story, a piece of music, or a work of art—drawn from diverse cultures and wisdom traditions—invite us to reflect on the big questions of our lives, allowing each person to explore them in his or her own way. Reflection helps us find the inner ground on which we stand firm, and it helps us find common ground with others.

If we are willing to embrace the challenge of becoming whole, we cannot embrace it all alone—at least, not for long: we need trustworthy relationships to sustain us, tenacious communities of support, if we are to sustain the journey toward an undivided life. Taking an inner journey toward rejoining soul and role requires a rare but real form of community that I call a “circle of trust.”

—Parker J. Palmer

Creating a Container for Trust

We spend so many hours of our day and week in the work-place, we need and want it to feed our well-being on many levels: mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual. Trust is a key to well-being. If the idea of creating trustworthy space for yourself and for your colleagues sounds appealing, you may be wondering how you can do that consistently—or how you can sustain it.

The hallmark of the Center for Courage & Renewal’s work is its emphasis on the Circle of Trust® approach,¹ the purpose of which is to create and sustain safe space for individuals and the group they are part of. Circle practices have existed for as long as humans have had fires to gather around and language to talk with one another. Contemporary circle practices have developed for personal growth, restorative justice, team building, peacemaking, community building, and so on. Circles of Trust were developed to help participants “reconnect soul and role,” to renew their passion for their profession, and as time went on it became clear that our approach also created relational trust among people. Our circles are facilitated using a set of rules called touchstones.

Touchstones are our operating guidelines for holding the meaningful conversations of inner work and trust building. They form strong boundaries for interactions and are designed to disrupt the typical hierarchy and power dynamics often seen in workplace conversations. These touchstones can also be adapted to define how you work together with integrity and trust in an organization, community, or network—inviting the best of each person to show up and contribute.

You’ll see touchstones mentioned throughout the book, as leaders describe how the practices came into play in their situation and/or organization. Take a moment to soak in these ideas; find someone to compare notes with about these different ways of relating to yourself and to others.

Each touchstone alone is an admirable idea. You could devote a day to noticing how it shows up in your life or work; you could meditate on each one for a week or a month. The magic and mystery of this collection of practices comes from the chemistry of how they combine to catalyze trust.

Together, these touchstones create a hospitable “container,” one that enables people to show up with integrity and authenticity so that they can engage in honest conversation. I use the word container consciously. How do we create containers that hold people—relationships, corporate culture, community—accountable? How do we hold people with regard and respect? For that, good ground rules are needed, and that’s what the touchstones are. Here I’ve included a short version of them to start; we’ll explore them in a little more detail in the rest of the chapter.

TOUCHSTONES AT A GLANCE

1. Give and receive welcome.

2. Be present as fully as possible.

3. Extend invitation, not demand.

4. Speak your truth in ways that respect other people’s truth.

5. No fixing, saving, advising, or correcting each other.

6. When the going gets rough, turn to wonder.

7. Practice asking open, honest questions.

8. Attend to your own inner teacher.

9. Trust and learn from the silence.

10. Commit to and maintain confidentiality.

11. Know that it’s possible for the seeds planted here to keep growing.

At the deepest levels of human life, we do not need techniques. We need insights into ourselves and our world that can help us understand how to learn and grow from our experiences of diversity, tension, and conflict.

—Parker J. Palmer

Touchstones for Creating Trustworthy Space

Touchstones can be grouped into three phases for building trust and thus courage, both within yourself and with others— intention, interaction, and integration.

Intention

The first three touchstones suggest ways to practice welcome, presence, and invitation as you enter into any interaction. Each one calls on your self-awareness and intention. Together they set the tone for relational trust to emerge, like playing middle C to tune a piano or inviting choir voices to come together around a single pitch. These touchstones can define the tonality of your personal leadership and your organizational culture.

Give and Receive Welcome

Extend hospitality, and presume welcome, too. This includes welcome and support for diverse perspectives, opinions, and approaches. Welcome moves us from loneliness toward belonging. When we feel welcome, we are more likely to learn, engage, and contribute to collective efforts.

Be Present as Fully as Possible

Set aside the usual distractions of voicemail, e-mail, things undone from yesterday, things to do tomorrow. Bring all of yourself—your doubts, fears, and failings as well as your convictions, joys, and successes, your listening as well as your speaking—to the work, not just the parts of yourself and your experience that would be obviously relevant to this work.

Practices which demonstrate that you are fully paying attention are a rare gift in these days of multitasking and competing priorities. But being present means more than that. This touchstone gives you a chance to honor the wholeness of life, to acknowledge the complexities inside you and all that you’re facing. It’s a way of saying, “Despite all that is happening in my life right now, I am committed to being focused on our work at this moment to the best of my ability.” And because we’re all human, we can relate.

Extend Invitation, Not Demand

In a Circle of Trust, participation in conversation is always by invitation, never by demand. Participation by listening with care is no less a contribution than participation by speaking with care.

Inner work must be invitational because the inner teacher speaks by choice, not on command. We all need times and places where there is the freedom within a purposeful process to learn and grow in our own way, on our own schedule, and at our own level of need.

Some people appreciate the phrase “This is not a share-ordie event,” especially those who are more introverted or just plain tired. Interestingly enough, when participation is invitational, people are even more likely to eventually join in. In the workplace, this authentic invitation to participate means a commitment to actively engage one another in the common work and avoid making anyone feel coerced, whether in a conversation or a process.

It seems counterintuitive to consider invitation as a valid practice in the workplace, where people a...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Contents
• Dedication
• Foreword
• Preface: A Word from the Voice Between the Lines
• It Takes Courage
• Introduction: Why Courage?
• 1 What Is the Courage Way?
• 2 The Inner Work of Leadership
• 3 Have You Met Your True Self?
• 4 Courage Takes Trust
• 5 Reflection in Community
• 6 The Courage to Care for True Self
• 7 The Courage to Answer Your Calling
• 8 The Courage to Question and Listen
• 9 The Courage to Hold Tension in Life-Giving Ways
• 10 The Courage to Choose Wisely
• 11 The Courage to Connect and Trust in Each Other
• 12 The Courage to Stay or to Leave
• Notes
• Quote Sources
• Recommended Reading
• Gratitudes
• Index
• About the Center for Courage & Renewal
• About the Coauthor