July 1, 2004, United States Naval Academy, Annapolis, Maryland; Plebe Summer, Day 2
Itâs 5:30 in the morning. Suddenly, a metal pipe clangs down the concrete corridor in Bancroft Hall, shattering silence and wrenching Katie from a few short hours of sleep. Her eyes fly open and she sits bolt upright in unfamiliar surroundings, heart pounding like a jackhammer. Two seconds later someoneâactually, it sounds like several someonesâis pounding on the door and screaming orders full blast. Something about, âGet up, get dressed, and fall in, now!â Her roommates of less than twenty-four hours explode from their bunks, equally terrified and disoriented. The three of them fumble desperately for their physical training gear, pulling on shorts, T-shirts, and running shoes. A quick glance in the mirror shows Katieâs newly cut chin-length hair; she feels like Bozo the Clown. She pointlessly tries to tame it with a splash of water. Fearful of being late, the three roommates race into the too-bright corridor to stand at attention with thirty equally shell-shocked eighteen-year-olds. It is still dark outside.
Fifteen minutes later, Katie has joined 1,188 other plebes for a long session of push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups, and all varieties of calisthenics, followed by a long run along the Severn River. As the sun comes up she wonders if she was crazy to devote so much effort to earning top grades, top SAT scores, a congressional nomination, and, eventually, a coveted appointment to the U.S. Naval Academy. As she looks around, she sees that less than a quarter of the new plebe class is female. For the first time, she feels like a minority. Although she thought she was in peak physical shape as a high school varsity athlete, her legs feel like rubber from the âsix round trips,â and she wonders if sheâll be able to keep up with the guys. As she runs in formation with her company, she is sweating profusely in the already humid air. Later, she knows sheâll be at the firing range, tackling the obstacle course, learning to march, practicing standard sailing and seamanship commands, and beginning a series of demanding summer courses. In between each of these events, she takes advantage of every minute to memorize the seemingly never-ending list of daily minutiae, traditions, customs, and history that her upperclassmen demand she regurgitate without error and with confidence and conviction. Failure to do so would bring unwanted attention.
How often had her high school friends told her she was crazy to do this? For the first time Katie wonders if they were right. She wonders if sheâll make it to graduation and commissioning four long years down the road. Sheâs always been tough, always self-assured, and always up for a challenge, but this seems like something else altogether. As one of the company upperclassmen jogs next to her barking orders and critiquing her form, she hopes sheâll find the support she needs to make it through the Naval Academy gauntlet.
July 2014, United States Naval Air Station, Pensacola, Florida
U.S. Marine Corps Captain Katie Higgins is designated as a pilot for the famous Navy Flight Demonstration Squadron, the Blue Angels. Having logged more than four hundred combat hours as a Marine Corps pilot, she is the first woman to be designated a Blue Angel since the inception of the elite team in 1946.
We count ourselves fortunate. We get to work with rising stars like Katie every day. Each morning, we drive through the gates of our nationâs premier educational institution for Navy and Marine Corps officers to find academy midshipmen up early exercising, participating in military drills, and preparing for a full day of demanding engineering-oriented classes, athletic practice, and leadership training. Why do they prepare so diligently? After all, theyâre just college kids! The answer is both sobering and awe-inspiring. In just four short years, those who make it through the academy will be commissioned as officers; each of them must be prepared to immediately lead Sailors and Marines in combat, and lead them well.
Katie and the other remarkable young women at the U.S. Naval Academyâacademically and athletically gifted women who have decided to tackle a rigorous program historically open only to menâprepare for careers as combat leaders despite all forces working against them.
We refer to these young women as everyday Athenas. You may recall that in Greek mythology, Athena was the goddess of the arts, reason, wisdom, and war. As the patron goddess of heroic endeavor, she was often a shrewd companion of heroes. Although Athena is typically depicted holding a spear and wearing a golden helmetâas though preparing to attackâshe is known in mythology not only for her status as fierce warrior, but also for her role as diplomat, mediator, and wise advisor. Though she is the goddess of war strategy, she preferred to resolve conflicts through wisdom and reason whenever possible. As some Athena scholars have observed: âWise, courageous, humane, and cooperative, Athena represents the best of all of us.â1
We think the goddess Athena perfectly captures the character, wisdom, courage, and promise of female midshipmen at the Naval Academy. We choose to regard each of them as rising stars who have taken the more difficult path through life and careerâwomen in a military culture dominated by men.
This chapter will briefly address the importance of perception. If men decide to frame the women they encounter at work as talented, capable, likely to succeed, and unique in terms of the gifts and skills linked to the feminine gender, then the obligation and inclination to help them as mentors will be glaring and unavoidable. See her as a rising Athena, not just a girl. Promise dwells in the eye of the beholder. We think that everyday Athenas at the Naval Academy serve as a nice exemplar for how to âseeâ women more generally. Finally, we will show how even future highfliers, women like Captain Katie Higgins, may need help to bridge the leadership-ambition gap identified by Sheryl Sandberg. Men must double down on deliberately helping female mentees to broaden their perspectives on what they can do and what they can achieve as leaders in their careers.
PERCEIVING EVERYDAY ATHENAS
Whether at the boardroom table or the break room table, women are more likely to be overlooked or just plain ignored by men. Sometimes, they donât even get a seat at the table. And when they do get a seat, their ideas and contributions are not always taken seriously. Thinking about her own early career experience at the executive table, Kathy Hannan, partner for diversity and corporate responsibility for KPMG, said, âI had been sitting around the key leadership table. At times, I would make a comment and it would get a tepid response, maybe some head nodding. Then, two or three people down the line, a male says exactly what I just said and everyone says âwowâ and starts discussing it like itâs a new idea.â Several women interviewed for this book recounted stories in which their input was dismissed by male bosses; some felt so undervalued that they quit contributing their insights.
In the twenty-first-century workplace, how do we make sense of these womenâs experiences? When asked, men often fail to even recognize that these dismissive episodes are occurring. Our tendency as men is to unknowingly sell women at work short, largely as a by-product of the way we have come to understand menâs and womenâs roles in society. Despite the fact that there are almost twice as many women in the workforce today, by percentage, than there were in 1950, we still find persistent stereotypes about womenâs roles at work and home. Automatic perceptions and assumptions that women are nurturing, warm, and communal may sound positive, yet they can be limiting and undermine womenâs opportunities to compete and excel in the workplace. Our gendered perceptions make it too easy to overlook those everyday Athenas around us.
As you can surmise, our biased man perceptions about women create for them a prickly double bind. On one hand, we may perceive our female mentees as compassionate and caring nurturers but in so doing we may be unable to envision them as the âtake charge and move outâ leaders we need for key projects and challenging missions. In a similar vein, men may avoid recommending women for assignments that are too challenging or âin the trenchesâ because we donât see them as capable or aspiring to these tasks. Sometimes, our deeply engrained protective man scripts get triggered. When this happens, our efforts to âprotectâ a talented woman actually sabotage her opportunity to compete and prove herself. In our world, the U.S. military, these stereotypes reinforce the perception that women are better suited for staff or support roles than for operational âcombatantâ roles that lead to the higher echelons of power and leadership.
Unfortunately, the negative consequences of our man perceptions donât end there. For instance, women who are directive and authoritative at work often get labeled âdragon ladiesâ and âiron bitchesâ; they are perceived to be coldhearted, abrasive, and bossy. As guys, we tend to steer clear of these women, often some of the most promising future leaders for our organizations and our nation. And if we find strong women noxious in some way, what does that say about our ability to see them as potential mentees? What are the chances weâll seek them out, engage, and begin providing crucial career support? In part 2 of this guide, âMentoring Women: A Manual for Men,â weâll challenge you to not reinforce these unrealistic perceptions when women at work demonstrate confident, decisive, and industrious behavior.
Volumes of social psychology research reveal that men evaluate certain behaviors quite differently when exhibited by a man or a woman. If you think you judge Johnâs behavior the same as Jillâsâeven in identical situationsâyouâre kidding yourself. For instance, as guys we might be comfortable with yelling at work, or give each other a pass when it happensâwhat dude doesnât lose his temper on occasion? But what about a woman who yells? Well, sheâs got to be overemotional or dangerousâreturn of the âPMSing dragon lady.â And if a woman cries, well ⌠whatâs new? But for a dude to cry or tear up when getting critical feedback ⌠now, thatâs awkward, just plain âunmanly.â Our perceptions about âappropriateâ emotions create another double bind for women. If she doesnât cry sheâs cold and emotionless. But if he is dry eyed we applaud him for controlling his emotions. Getting the picture? Women who aspire to rise through the ranks and assume leadership roles must confront persistent double binds and inconsistent standards for leadership potential.
Just as important for women at work is what men fail to perceive. The perception that women are nurturing and caring is largely based on our experience of seeing women in family roles as primary caregivers. In fact, women in general do perform more childcare and household chores than men. Evidence shows that working women are 60 percent more likely than men to have full-time working spouses.2 Why is this important? Because dual-career families have more challenges related to childcare and managing a household, and women in these families end up doing the lionâs share of the domestic work. And, of course, mothers are seen as less committed to their careers. This affects wages, promotions, and hiring, a de facto âmotherhood penalty.â3 Effective male mentors must become alert to stereotypical perceptions of women in the workplace and then find strategies for mitigating their effects on the promising women they champion.
FRAMING ENCOUNTERS AT WORK
Angela had finally landed a major account and just finished the final touches on her proposal presentation to the partners for the next day. Now she was considering what to wear. She wanted to present an image of confidence and competenceâdressed to killâyet maintain her personal sense of self as both competitive and feminine. Ultimately, she decided on a dark âpower suitâ with pants, white open-neck blouse with a gold necklace, heels, hair down, and a little less makeup than she would normally wear in a social setting.
The next day, during the presentation, all seemed to be going well. At the table were the senior partners, all men, who were nodding with approval as she delivered the presentation. What Angela didnât see was that some of the men were distracted by her attractiveness. In fact, one of them was brazenly staring at her cleavage. When she finished, the group was uncharacteristically quiet. There were no questions. Although Angela missed her effect on the men in the room, her mentor, Charles, did not. He made a mental note to have an honest conversation with the senior partner about the way the men in the room reacted to Angela. The leering and the silent treatmentâCharles suspected this had more to do with inattention than disapproval of Angelaâs workâwere flat-out inappropriate, unprofessional, and had to stop. Later he would also follow-up with Angela to make her aware of how her attractiveness would likely influence menâs perceptions of her generally, and how her awareness of this fact would be important for her success moving forward.
Everyone wants to make a good impression at work. Effective impression management begins with identifying a desired social impression and then managing our own behavior to achieve the preferred effect. But often, women face more obstacles to coming across as competent, professional, and credible. One of those obstacles, highlighted in Angelaâs story, is the perception that women must choose between attractiveness and competence. Too often, everyday Athenas are subject to visual inspection, leers, and flirtatious comments from men that serve to undermine their sense of selves as rising professionals. A good mentor wonât hesitate to address these reactions openly with the offending men, while helping the mentee develop strategies for neutralizing unwanted sexual attention and redirecting the focus to her competence, performance, and success.
Beyond the more obvious visual cues and attraction-based perceptions, women may also struggle when it comes to taking explicit credit for their contributions and achievements. This may be particularly challenging in team environments where it is not clear who is responsible for the teamâs successes.4 In these contexts, men will naturally speak up for themselves and take credit. Taking credit may not come as naturally for even the best and brightest women. Proactive mentors explicitly encourage women to communicate their successes and accomplishments, and are their behind-the-scenes champions in settings where they canât necessarily advocate for themselves.
A final factor that can sharply define the way a woman is perceived at work is her apparent access to power in the organization. Because men and women network differently, women are sometimes seen as less connected to power sources than their male counterparts, resulting in fewer assignments to high-profile projects and fewer opportunities for advancement up the corporate ladder.
Womenâs professional networks tend to include primarily other women. But because there are more men in the power-holding positions in mos...
