Moving Forward

Overcoming the Habits, Hangups, and Mishaps That Hold You Back

John Siebeling

• Publisher: Baker Books
• Year: 2016
• Print ISBN:
  9780801015052
• eBook ISBN:
  9781493405374
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Religion

Let Go of What Holds You Back and Fulfill God's Purpose

Far too many people are not living up to God's best for them, limited by habits and hang-ups from which they just can't seem to break free. Unforgiveness, addictive behavior, unhealthy financial patterns--limitations come in all shapes and sizes. Breaking free from any of them starts the same way: by walking in the truth.

Jesus died on the cross to set us free and enable us to experience life to the full; anything less than that is not God's best. If we are followers of Christ, freedom is not just a benefit to embrace if we choose; it's a responsibility we are called to. Pastor and author John Siebeling helps readers connect the dots between what they read in God's Word and their everyday lives. Each chapter highlights a specific hang-up or habit that holds people back, explains what God says about it, and points to a way forward in freedom. Practical advice and suggestions for next steps help readers see how to implement changes that give them the traction they need to move forward.

one
The Blame Game

The price of greatness is responsibility.

Winston Churchill

Actor Steve Carell once said, “Goalies almost never get credit for winning a game, but they always get blamed for losing a game.”1 I can tell you from personal experience: this is 100 percent true.

I played soccer in ninth and tenth grade, and we were a great team—in fact, we were state champs. I remember one particular game against one of the best teams in the state. It was 0–0 going into the last few minutes of the game, and one of our opponents kicked the ball. It hit my teammate’s leg and made a slapping noise. The referee called “hand ball,” which meant a penalty kick in the last minute of the game. If you know anything about soccer and penalty kicks, it’s the hardest thing to defend. It’s just one-on-one with the goalkeeper, who happened to be me. You can imagine the rest of the story. I dove one way and the ball went the other way. 1–0, they won.

The game ended and we all walked off the field. I was so mad at the ref. His mistake robbed us of the win we deserved. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got.

I climbed in the car with my dad and started complaining about the referee and the call he’d made. You know what my dad’s response was? He said, “How many opportunities did you guys have to win the game? Plenty. You can’t blame the ref.” He proceeded to give me a twenty-minute speech about blaming refs, blaming other people, and losing well.

I was furious. My dad was a smart man, and being a college professor, he loved to pass on his wisdom to us in the form of lectures. The whole time he was talking, I acted like I wasn’t listening, but the truth is, I heard every word. (Parents, take note—your kids are listening more than you might think!) To this day, when a player loses a game and blames the ref in a press conference, it drives me crazy. I know there are bad calls sometimes, but part of me wants to say, “Stop blaming someone else. Man up!”

There are always going to be times when things don’t go our way, something unfair happens, or we find ourselves in the middle of circumstances we can’t control. While we might not be responsible for creating them, we are responsible for how we react to them.

I love how pastor Charles Swindoll talks about this in a simple essay called “Attitudes.”

Words can never adequately convey the incredible impact of our attitude toward life. The longer I live the more convinced I become that life is 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we respond to it.

I believe the single most significant decision I can make on a day-to-day basis is my choice of attitude. It is more important than my past, my education, my bankroll, my successes or failures, fame or pain, what other people think of me or say about me, my circumstances, or my position. Attitude keeps me going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there’s no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me.2

We may think the people who get the lucky breaks and ideal circumstances handed to them are the ones with the advantage in life. But the truth is, your attitude is what gives you the advantage. No matter the circumstances, the person with a positive, can-do spirit has the advantage every time.

The Devil Made Me Do It

Blame is one of the most destructive emotions that keeps people from living a full and free life. In fact, what makes blame even more powerful is that if we allow it to sneak into our perspective, even just a little, it will grow into a full-blown mentality that impacts every part of our life.

In Genesis 3, we see the story of how Adam and Eve gave in to temptation and ate the fruit God told them not to. Sin entered God’s perfect, flawless creation for the first time. It was the moment that changed everything.

After they ate it, Adam and Eve immediately knew they had done something wrong. As we read the story, it seems Adam and Eve would walk with God each evening. But this night was different. God went to meet them but they weren’t there. They were hiding in the bushes, filled with shame. God calls out to them, and an interesting dialog between God, Adam, and Eve begins:

But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?”

He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (vv. 9–13)

Adam and Eve’s first reaction when they were caught was to look for someone to blame. Sin steps into the world—and right on its heels is blame. I think it’s important to notice the connection. Where one is, the other is not far behind.

God asks if they’ve eaten from the tree he told them not to—it’s a simple yes or no question. Instead of answering, Adam starts grasping for a “reason.” “Uh, well, you see, God . . . that woman . . . you know, God, the woman you put here with me? Well, she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” Then God turns to Eve to hear her side of the story, and she points the finger at the snake and says, “He tricked me into eating it!” They immediately looked to displace responsibility for their actions.

The Buck Stops Here

For many people, a blame-based perspective is the single greatest factor keeping them stuck in life. A desire to displace responsibility will always sabotage our success in life. You may have heard the saying, “Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure.” If we’re serious about moving forward, we need to do some renovation work on the foundation of our life—the core beliefs and mentalities that drive us. We’ve got to break down and remove any blame-based mindsets so that we can have a solid foundation to build on.

Blame Buster 1: I am responsible for my life.

Sometimes we need to stop and say this to ourselves: I am responsible for my life. That means I’m responsible for my attitude. I’m responsible for my finances. I’m responsible for my choices. I’m responsible. This is a foundational principle we have to embrace if we’re going to live the life God wants us to live.

Think honestly about your life and how often you may be preventing success in a certain area because you are making excuses for the state things are in. Is there any area of your life you wish was further along or in a better position? It could be your mood. It could be your marriage. It could be your career. Ask yourself, Is there an excuse I am standing behind? Am I blaming someone or something for the condition of that particular area of my life?

The truth is, our excuses will excuse success from our life. Author and productivity consultant Denis Waitley puts it this way: “There are two primary choices in life: accept conditions as they exist or accept the responsibility for changing them.”3 Responsibility allows us to close the gap between where we are and where we want to be.

Blame Buster 2: Blame is the hallmark of unfulfilled potential.

When we make an excuse or place blame, we’re displacing responsibility. We’re taking responsibility away from ourselves and placing it in the hands of someone or something else. The biggest problem is that as we hand them the responsibility, we are also handing them the power over our life. When we blame, we actually empower the person or thing we are blaming.

I think it’s so interesting that the original Greek word in the New Testament for sin means “to miss the mark,” and the original word for excuse means “a reason to miss the mark.”

The mark is God’s plan and his purpose for our life. It’s being the person God has called us to be and living the thriving, overcoming life God has called us to live.

A lot of times we’re tempted to turn a blind eye to the issues in our life that hold us back. But the truth is, that’s not really a luxury we have. James 4:17 says if we know the good we ought to do, and don’t do it, that’s sin. We need to deal swiftly with anything that’s hindering us. Choosing to settle for less than God’s best causes us to miss the mark. When we blame and make excuses, we find ourselves trapped in a vicious cycle.

If we stay on that track, ultimately we will develop a victim mentality, which will always keep us focused on the problem and on ourselves. When this happens, we can’t see the better future God planned for us.

In his book No Excuses!, Brian Tracy says:

As long as you are blaming someone else for something in your life you don’t like, you will remain a “mental child.” You continue to see yourself as small and helpless, like a victim. You continue to lash out. However, when you begin to accept responsibility . . . you transform yourself into a “mental adult.” You will see yourself as being in charge of your own life, and no longer a victim.4

For many of us, this requires a major shift in our thinking. Blame elevates people and situations above the power of God placed inside you. When we think of it that way, then we can recognize this type of thinking is totally contrary to what the Word of God says. First John 4:4 reminds us that “the Spirit in you is far greater than anything in the world” (MSG).

Instead of seeing ourselves as a victim of our circumstances, we need to see ourselves with the potential God sees in us—to be strong, capable, and able to make good decisions. The moment we take responsibility is the moment we have started on the path to success.

Blame Buster 3: Blame will rob me. Accepting responsibility will arm me.

Blame always takes, but accepting responsibility always gives. Accepting responsibility may not be the easy route, and it may not feel good in the moment, but it will always be the option that moves our life forward the most in the long run.

In Luke 14, Jesus tells a simple story we can learn a lot from. It’s about a man who was preparing a great feast. He invited many people, but when the servant went to confirm their RSVPs, they started to back out one by one.

But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said, “I have just bought a field, and I must go and see it. Please excuse me.”

Another said, “I have just bought five yoke of oxen, and I’m on my way to try them out. Please excuse me.”

Still another said, “I just got married, so I can’t come.”

The servant came back and reported this to his master. Then the owner of the house became angry and ordered his servant, “Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame.”

“Sir,” the servant said, “what you ordered has been done, but there is still room.”

Then the master told his servant, “Go out to the roads and country lanes and compel them to come in, so that my house will be full. I tell you, not one of those who were invited will get a taste of my banquet.” (vv. 18–24)

Jesus is giving us an illustration about the kingdom of God and the great things God has for you and me. The master prepared all kinds of wonderful things for his guests, but they excused themselves from the opportunity to receive them. We see three attitudes that produced excu...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Endorsements
• Contents
• Introduction: It's Time
• 1. The Blame Game
• 2. Steady On
• 3. Winning over Worry
• 4. So Long, Stinkin’ Thinkin’
• 5. Time to Press Reset
• 6. Restricted Access
• 7. Unlock the Door (and Throw Away the Key)
• 8. Believe Big, Hustle Hard
• 9. The Seven Pillars of Financial Wisdom
• 10. Don’t Hate While You Wait
• Afterword: The Spirit of an Overcomer
• Appendix: Budget Guide
• Acknowledgments
• Notes
• About the Author
• Back Ads
• Back Cover