CHAPTER I
Ā Ā MY VILLAGE HOME
Ā Ā I was a foundling. But until I was eight years of
age I thought I had a mother like other children, for when I cried
a woman held me tightly in her arms and rocked me gently until my
tears stopped falling. I never got into bed without her coming to
kiss me, and when the December winds blew the icy snow against the
window panes, she would take my feet between her hands and warm
them, while she sang to me. Even now I can remember the song she
used to sing. If a storm came on while I was out minding our cow,
she would run down the lane to meet me, and cover my head and
shoulders with her cotton skirt so that I should not get wet.
Ā Ā When I had a quarrel with one of the village boys
she made me tell her all about it, and she would talk kindly to me
when I was wrong and praise me when I was in the right. By these
and many other things, by the way she spoke to me and looked at me,
and the gentle way she scolded me, I believed that she was my
mother.
Ā Ā My village, or, to be more exact, the village where
I was brought up, for I did not have a village of my own, no
birthplace, any more than I had a father or mother ā the village
where I spent my childhood was called Chavanon; it is one of the
poorest in France. Only sections of the land could be cultivated,
for the great stretch of moors was covered with heather and broom.
We lived in a little house down by the brook.
Ā Ā Until I was eight years of age I had never seen a
man in our house; yet my adopted mother was not a widow, but her
husband, who was a stone-cutter, worked in Paris, and he had not
been back to the village since I was of an age to notice what was
going on around me. Occasionally he sent news by some companion who
returned to the village, for there were many of the peasants who
were employed as stone-cutters in the city. "Mother Barberin," the
man would say, "your husband is quite well, and he told me to tell
you that he's still working, and to give you this money. Will you
count it?"
Ā Ā That was all. Mother Barberin was satisfied, her
husband was well and he had work.
Ā Ā Because Barberin was away from home it must not be
thought that he was not on good terms with his wife. He stayed in
Paris because his work kept him there. When he was old he would
come back and live with his wife on the money that he had
saved.
Ā Ā One November evening a man stopped at our gate. I
was standing on the doorstep breaking sticks. He looked over the
top bar of the gate and called to me to know if Mother Barberin
lived there. I shouted yes and told him to come in. He pushed open
the old gate and came slowly up to the house. I had never seen such
a dirty man. He was covered with mud from head to foot. It was easy
to see that he had come a distance on bad roads. Upon hearing our
voices Mother Barberin ran out. "I've brought some news from
Paris," said the man.
Ā Ā Something in the man's tone alarmed Mother Barberin.
"Oh, dear," she cried, wringing her hands, "something has happened
to Jerome!" "Yes, there is, but don't get scared. He's been hurt,
but he ain't dead, but maybe he'll be deformed. I used to share a
room with him, and as I was coming back home he asked me to give
you the message. I can't stop as I've got several miles to go, and
it's getting late."
Ā Ā But Mother Barberin wanted to know more; she begged
him to stay to supper. The roads were so bad! and they did say that
wolves had been seen on the outskirts of the wood. He could go
early in the morning. Wouldn't he stay?
Ā Ā Yes, he would. He sat down by the corner of the fire
and while eating his supper told us how the accident had occurred.
Barberin had been terribly hurt by a falling scaffold, and as he
had had no business to be in that particular spot, the builder had
refused to pay an indemnity. "Poor Barberin," said the man as he
dried the legs of his trousers, which were now quite stiff under
the coating of mud, "he's got no luck, no luck! Some chaps would
get a mint o' money out of an affair like this, but your man won't
get nothing!" "No luck!" he said again in such a sympathetic tone,
which showed plainly that he for one would willingly have the life
half crushed out of his body if he could get a pension. "As I tell
him, he ought to sue that builder." "A lawsuit," exclaimed Mother
Barberin, "that costs a lot of money." "Yes, but if you win!"
Ā Ā Mother Barberin wanted to start off to Paris, only
it was such a terrible affair ... the journey was so long, and cost
so much!
Ā Ā The next morning we went into the village and
consulted the priest. He advised her not to go without first
finding out if she could be of any use. He wrote to the hospital
where they had taken Barberin, and a few days later received a
reply saying that Barberin's wife was not to go, but that she could
send a certain sum of money to her husband, because he was going to
sue the builder upon whose works he had met with the accident.
Ā Ā Days and weeks passed, and from time to time letters
came asking for more money. The last, more insistent than the
previous ones, said that if there was no more money the cow must be
sold to procure the sum.
Ā Ā Only those who have lived in the country with the
peasants know what distress there is in these three words, "Sell
the cow." As long as they have their cow in the shed they know that
they will not suffer from hunger. We got butter from ours to put in
the soup, and milk to moisten the potatoes. We lived so well from
ours that until the time of which I write I had hardly ever tasted
meat. But our cow not only gave us nourishment, she was our friend.
Some people imagine that a cow is a stupid animal. It is not so, a
cow is most intelligent. When we spoke to ours and stroked her and
kissed her, she understood us, and with her big round eyes which
looked so soft, she knew well enough how to make us know what she
wanted and what she did not want. In fact, she loved us and we
loved her, and that is all there is to say. However, we had to part
with her, for it was only by the sale of the cow that Barberin's
husband would be satisfied.
Ā Ā A cattle dealer came to our house, and after
thoroughly examining Rousette, ā all the time shaking his head and
saying that she would not suit him at all, he could never sell her
again, she had no milk, she made bad butter, ā he ended by saying
that he would take her, but only out of kindness because Mother
Barberin was an honest good woman.
Ā Ā Poor Rousette, as though she knew what was
happening, refused to come out of the barn and began to bellow. "Go
in at the back of her and chase her out," the man said to me,
holding out a whip which he had carried hanging round his neck.
"No, that he won't," cried mother. Taking poor Rousette by the
loins, she spoke to her softly: "There, my beauty, come ... come
along then."
Ā Ā Rousette could not resist her, and then, when she
got to the road, the man tied her up behind his cart and his horse
trotted off and she had to follow.
Ā Ā We went back to the house, but for a long time we
could hear her bellowing. No more milk, no butter! In the morning a
piece of bread, at night some potatoes with salt.
Ā Ā Shrove Tuesday happened to be a few days after we
had sold the cow. The year before Mother Barberin had made a feast
for me with pancakes and apple fritters, and I had eaten so many
that she had beamed and laughed with pleasure. But now we had no
Rousette to give us milk or butter, so there would be no Shrove
Tuesday, I said to myself sadly.
Ā Ā But Mother Barberin had a surprise for me. Although
she was not in the habit of borrowing, she had asked for a cup of
milk from one of the neighbors, a piece of butter from another, and
when I got home about midday she was emptying the flour into a big
earthenware bowl. "Oh," I said, going up to her, "flour?" "Why,
yes," she said, smiling, "it's flour, my little Remi, beautiful
flour. See what lovely flakes it makes."
Ā Ā Just because I was so anxious to know what the flour
was for I did not dare ask. And besides I did not want her to know
that I remembered that it was Shrove Tuesday for fear she might
feel unhappy. "What does one make with flour?" she asked, smiling
at me. "Bread." "What else?" "Pap." "And what else?" "Why, I don't
know." "Yes, you know, only as you are a good little boy, you don't
dare say. You know that to-day is Pancake day, and because you
think we haven't any butter and milk you don't dare speak. Isn't
that so, eh? "Oh, Mother." "I didn't mean that Pancake day should
be so bad after all for my little Remi. Look in that bin."
Ā Ā I lifted up the lid quickly and saw some milk,
butter, eggs, and three apples. "Give me the eggs," she said;
"while I break them, you peel the apples."
Ā Ā While I cut the apples into slices, she broke the
eggs into the flour and began to beat the mixture, adding a little
milk from time to time. When the paste was well beaten she placed
the big earthenware bowl on the warm cinders, for it was not until
supper time that we were to have the pancakes and fritters. I must
say frankly that it was a very long day, and more than once I
lifted up the cloth that she had thrown over the bowl. "You'll make
the paste cold," she cried; "and it won't rise well."
Ā Ā But it was rising well, little bubbles were coming
up on the top. And the eggs and milk were beginning to smell good.
"Go and chop some wood," Mother Barberin said; "we need a good
clear fire."
Ā Ā At last the candle was lit. "Put the wood on the
fire!"
Ā Ā She did not have to say this twice; I had been
waiting impatiently to hear these words. Soon a bright flame leaped
up the chimney and the light from the fire lit up all the kitchen.
Then Mother Barberin took down the frying pan from its hook and
placed it on the fire. "Give me the butter!"
Ā Ā With the end of her knife she slipped a piece as
large as a nut into the pan, where it melted and spluttered. It was
a long time since we had smelled that odor. How good that butter
smelled! I was listening to it fizzing when I heard footsteps out
in our yard.
Ā Ā Whoever could be coming to disturb us at this hour?
A neighbor perhaps to ask for some firewood. I couldn't think, for
just at that moment Mother Barberin put her big wooden spoon into
the bowl and was pouring a spoonful of the paste into the pan, and
it was not the moment to let one's thoughts wander. Somebody
knocked on the door with a stick, then it was flung open. "Who's
there?" asked Mother Barberin, without turning round.
Ā Ā A man had come in. By the bright flame which lit him
up I could see that he carried a big stick in his hand. "So, you're
having a feast here, don't disturb yourselves," he said roughly.
"Oh, Lord!" cried Mother Barberin, putting the frying pan quickly
on the floor, "is it you, Jerome."
Ā Ā Then, taking me by the arm she dragged me towards
the man who had stopped in the doorway. "Here's your father."
CHAPTER II
MY ADOPTED FATHER
Mother Barberin kissed her husband; I was about to do the same when he put out his stick and stopped me. "What's this?... you told me...." "Well, yes, but it isn't true ... because...." "Ah, it isn't true, eh?"
He stepped towards me with his stick raised; instinctively I shrunk back. What had I done? Nothing wrong, surely! I was only going to kiss him. I looked at him timidly, but he had turned from me and was speaking to Mother Barberin. "So you're keeping Shrove Tuesday," he said. "I'm glad, for I'm famished. What have you got for supper?" "I was making some pancakes and apple fritters." "So I see, but you're not going to give pancakes to a man who has covered the miles that I have." "I haven't anything else. You see we didn't expect you." "What? nothing else! Nothing for supper!" He glanced round the kitchen. "There's some butter."
He looked up at the ceiling, at the spot where the bacon used to hang, but for a long time there had been nothing on the hook; only a few ropes of onions and garlic hung from the beam now. "Here's some onions," he said, knocking a rope down with his big stick; "with four or five onions and a piece of butter we'll have a good soup. Take out the pancakes and fry the onions in the pan!" "Take the pancakes out of the frying pan!"
Without a word, Mother Barberin hurried to do what her husband asked. He sat down on a chair by the corner of the fireplace. I had not dared to leave the place where his stick had sent me. Leaning against the table, I looked at him.
He was a man about fifty with a hard face and rough ways. His head leaned a little bit towards his right shoulder, on account of the wound he had received, and this deformity gave him a still more forbidding aspect.
Mother Barberin had put the frying pan again on the fire. "Is it with a little bit of butter like that you're going to try and make a soup?" he asked. Thereupon he seized the plate with the butter and threw it all into the pan. No more butter ... then ... no more pancakes.
At any other moment I should have been greatly upset at this catastrophe, but I was not thinking of the pancakes and fritters now. The thought that was uppermost in my mind was, that this man who seemed so cruel was my father! My father! Absently I said the word over and over again to myself. I had never thought much what a father would be. Vaguely, I had imagined him to be a sort of mother with a big voice, but in looking at this one who had fallen from heaven, I felt greatly worried and frightened. I had wanted to kiss him and he had pushed me away with his stick. Why? My mother had never pushed me away when I went to kiss her; on the contrary, she always took me in her arms and held me tight. "Instead of standing there as though you're made of wood," he said, "put the plates on the table."
I nearly fell down in my haste to obey. The soup was made. Mother Barberin served it on the plates. Then, leaving the big chimney corner, he came and sat down and commenced to eat, stopping only from time to time to glance at me. I felt so uncomfortable that I could not eat. I looked at him also, but out of the corner of my eye, then I turned my head quickly when I caught his eye. "Doesn't he eat more than that usually?" he asked suddenly. "Oh, yes, he's got a good appetite." "That's a pity. He doesn't seem to want his supper now, though."
Mother Barberin did not seem to want to talk. She went to and fro, waiting on her husband. "Ain't you hungry?" "No." "Well then, go to bed and go to sleep at once. If you don't I'll be angry."
My mother gave me a look which told me to obey without answering. But there was no occasion for this warning. I had not thought of saying a word.
As in a great many poor homes, our kitchen was also the bedroom. Near the fireplace were all the things for the meals ā the table, the pots and pans, and the sideboard; at the other end was the bedroom. In a corner stood Mother Barberin's big bed, in the opposite corner, in a little alcove, was my bed under a red figured curtain.
I hurriedly undressed and got into bed. But to go to sleep was another thing. I was terribly worried and very unhappy. How could this man be my father? And if he was, why did he treat me so badly?
With my nose flattened against the wall I tried to drive these thoughts away and go to sleep as he had ordered me, but it was impossible. Sleep would not come. I had never felt so wide awake.
After a time, I could not say how long, I heard some one coming over to my bed. The slow step was heavy and dragged, so I knew at once that it was not Mother Barberin. I felt a warm breath on my cheek. "Are you asleep?" This was said in a harsh whisper.
I took care not to answer, for the terrible words, "I'll be angry" still rang in my ears. "He's asleep," said Mother Barberin; "the moment he gets into bed he drops off. You can talk without being afraid that he'll hear."
I ought, of course, to have told him that I was not asleep, but I did not dare. I had been ordered to go to sleep, I was not yet asleep, so I was in the wrong. "Well, what about your lawsuit?" asked Mother Barberin. "Lost it. The judge said that I was to blame for being under the scaffold." Thereupon he banged his fist on the table and began to swear, without saying anything that meant anything. "Case lost," he went on after a moment; "money lost, all gone, poverty staring us in the face. And as though that isn't enough, when I get back here, I find a child. Why didn't you do what I told you to do?" "Because I couldn't." "You could not take him to a Foundlings' Home?" "A woman can't give up a little mite like that if she's fed it with her own milk and grown to love it." "It's not your child." "Well, I wanted to do what you told me, but just at that very moment he fell ill." "Ill?" "Yes. Then I couldn't take him to that place. He might have died." "But when he got better?" "Well, he didn't get better all at once. After that sickness another came. He coughed so it would have made your heart bleed to hear him, poor little mite. Our little Nicolas died like that. It seemed to me that if I sent him to the Foundlings' Home he'd died also." "But after?... after?" "Well, time went on and I thought that as I'd put off going I'd put it off a bit longer." "How old is he now?" "Eight." "Well then, he'll go now to the place where he should have gone sooner, and he won't like it so well now." "Oh, Jerome, you can't ... you won't do that!" "Won't I? and who's going to stop me? Do you think we can keep him always?"
There was a moment's silence. I was hardly able to breathe. The lump in my throat nearly choked me. After a time Mother Barberin went on: "How Paris has changed you! You wouldn't have spoken like that to me before you went away." "Perhaps not. But if Paris has changed me, it's also pretty near killed me. I can't work now. We've got no money. The cow's sold. When we haven't enough to feed ourselves, have we got to feed a child that don't belong to us?" "He's mine." "He's no more yours than mine. Besides, he ain't a country boy. He's no poor man's child. He's a delicate morsel, no arms, no legs." "He's the prettiest boy in the village!" "I don't say he ain't pretty. But sturdy, no! Do you think you can make a working man out of a chit with shoulders like his? He's a city child and there's no place for city children here." "I tell you he's a fine boy and as intelligent and cute as a little cat, and he's got a good heart, and he'll work for us...." "In the meantime we've got to work for him, and I'm no good for much now." "If his parents claim him, what will you say?" "His parents! Has he got any parents? They would have found him by now if he had. It was a crazy thing for me to think that his parents would come and claim him some day and pay us for his keep. I was a fool. 'Cause he was wrapped up in fine clothes tri...