Bureaucracy

Balzac, Honore de

• Publisher: pubOne.info
• Year: 2010
• eBook ISBN: 9782819931331
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: Classics
• Index: Literature

pubOne.info present you this new edition. To the Comtesse Seraphina San Severino, with the respectful homage of sincere and deep admiration

CHAPTER VI. THE WORMS AT WORK

Rabourdin's bureau was during his absence a prey to the keenest excitement; for the relation between the head officials and the clerks in a government office is so regulated that, when a minister's messenger summons the head of a bureau to his Excellency's presence (above all at the latter's breakfast hour), there is no end to the comments that are made. The fact that the present unusual summons followed so closely on the death of Monsieur de la Billardiere seemed to give special importance to the circumstance, which was made known to Monsieur Saillard, who came at once to confer with Baudoyer. Bixiou, who happened at the moment to be at work with the latter, left him to converse with his father-in-law and betook himself to the bureau Rabourdin, where the usual routine was of course interrupted.

Bixiou [entering]. “I thought I should find you at a white heat! Don't you know what's going on down below? The virtuous woman is done for! yes, done for, crushed! Terrible scene at the ministry! ”

Dutocq [looking fixedly at him]. “Are you telling the truth? ”

Bixiou. “Pray, who would regret it? Not you, certainly, for you will be made under-head-clerk and du Bruel head of the bureau. Monsieur Baudoyer gets the division. ”

Fleury. “I'll bet a hundred francs that Baudoyer will never be head of the division. ”

Vimeux. “I'll join in the bet; will you, Monsieur Poiret? ”

Poiret. “I retire in January. ”

Bixiou. “Is it possible? are we to lose the sight of those shoe-ties? What will the ministry be without you? Will nobody take up the bet on my side? ”

Dutocq. “I can't, for I know the facts. Monsieur Rabourdin is appointed. Monsieur de la Billardiere requested it of the two ministers on his death-bed, blaming himself for having taken the emoluments of an office of which Rabourdin did all the work; he felt remorse of conscience, and the ministers, to quiet him, promised to appoint Rabourdin unless higher powers intervened. ”

Bixiou. “Gentlemen, are you all against me? seven to one, — for I know which side you'll take, Monsieur Phellion. Well, I'll bet a dinner costing five hundred francs at the Rocher de Cancale that Rabourdin does not get La Billardiere's place. That will cost you only a hundred francs each, and I'm risking five hundred, — five to one against me! Do you take it up? ” [Shouting into the next room. ] “Du Bruel, what say you? ”

Phellion [laying down his pen]. “Monsieur, may I ask on what you base that contingent proposal? — for contingent it is. But stay, I am wrong to call it a proposal; I should say contract. A wager constitutes a contract. ”

Fleury. “No, no; you can only apply the word 'contract' to agreements that are recognized in the Code. Now the Code allows of no action for the recovery of a bet. ”

Dutocq. “Proscribe a thing and you recognize it. ”

Bixiou. “Good! my little man. ”

Poiret. “Dear me! ”

Fleury. “True! when one refuses to pay one's debts, that's recognizing them. ”

Thuillier. “You would make famous lawyers. ”

Poiret. “I am as curious as Monsieur Phellion to know what grounds Monsieur Bixiou has for— ”

Bixiou [shouting across the office]. “Du Bruel! Will you bet? ”

Du Bruel [appearing at the door]. “Heavens and earth, gentlemen, I'm very busy; I have something very difficult to do; I've got to write an obituary notice of Monsieur de la Billardiere. I do beg you to be quiet; you can laugh and bet afterwards. ”

Bixiou. “That's true, du Bruel; the praise of an honest man is a very difficult thing to write. I'd rather any day draw a caricature of him. ”

Du Bruel. “Do come and help me, Bixiou. ”

Bixiou [following him]. “I'm willing; though I can do such things much better when eating. ”

Du Bruel. “Well, we will go and dine together afterwards. But listen, this is what I have written” [reads] “'The Church and the Monarchy are daily losing many of those who fought for them in Revolutionary times. '”

Bixiou. “Bad, very bad; why don't you say, 'Death carries on its ravages amongst the few surviving defenders of the monarchy and the old and faithful servants of the King, whose heart bleeds under these reiterated blows? '” [Du Bruel writes rapidly. ] “'Monsieur le Baron Flamet de la Billardiere died this morning of dropsy, caused by heart disease. ' You see, it is just as well to show there are hearts in government offices; and you ought to slip in a little flummery about the emotions of the Royalists during the Terror, — might be useful, hey! But stay, — no! the petty papers would be sure to say the emotions came more from the stomach than the heart. Better leave that out. What are you writing now? ”

Du Bruel [reading]. “'Issuing from an old parliamentary stock in which devotion to the throne was hereditary, as was also attachment to the faith of our fathers, Monsieur de la Billardiere— '”

Bixiou. “Better say Monsieur le Baron de la Billardiere. ”

Du Bruel. “But he wasn't baron in 1793. ”

Bixiou. “No matter. Don't you remember that under the Empire Fouche was telling an anecdote about the Convention, in which he had to quote Robespierre, and he said, 'Robespierre called out to me, ”Duc d'Otrante, go to the Hotel de Ville. “' There's a precedent for you! ”

Du Bruel. “Let me just write that down; I can use it in a vaudeville. — But to go back to what we were saying. I don't want to put 'Monsieur le baron, ' because I am reserving his honors till the last, when they rained upon him. ”

Bixiou. “Oh! very good; that's theatrical, — the finale of the article. ”

Du Bruel [continuing]. “'In appointing Monsieur de la Billardiere gentleman-in-ordinary— '”

Bixiou. “Very ordinary! ”

Du Bruel. “'— of the Bedchamber, the King rewarded not only the services rendered by the Provost, who knew how to harmonize the severity of his functions with the customary urbanity of the Bourbons, but the bravery of the Vendean hero, who never bent the knee to the imperial idol. He leaves a son, who inherits his loyalty and his talents. '”

Bixiou. “Don't you think all that is a little too florid? I should tone down the poetry. 'Imperial idol! ' 'bent the knee! ' damn it, my dear fellow, writing vaudevilles has ruined your style; you can't come down to pedestrial prose. I should say, 'He belonged to the small number of those who. ' Simplify, simplify! the man himself was a simpleton. ”

Du Bruel. “That's vaudeville, if you like! You would make your fortune at the theatre, Bixiou. ”

Bixiou. “What have you said about Quiberon? ” [Reads over du Bruel's shoulder. ] “Oh, that won't do! Here, this is what you must say: 'He took upon himself, in a book recently published, the responsibility for all the blunders of the expedition to Quiberon, — thus proving the nature of his loyalty, which did not shrink from any sacrifice. ' That's clever and witty, and exalts La Billardiere. ”

Du Bruel. “At whose expense? ”

Bixiou [solemn as a priest in a pulpit]. “Why, Hoche and Tallien, of course; don't you read history? ”

Du Bruel. “No. I subscribed to the Baudouin series, but I've never had time to open a volume; one can't find matter for vaudevilles there. ”

Phellion [at the door]. “We all want to know, Monsieur Bixiou, what made you think that the worthy and honorable Monsieur Rabourdin, who has so long done the work of this division for Monsieur de la Billardiere, — he, who is the senior head of all the bureaus, and whom, moreover, the minister summoned as soon as he heard of the departure of the late Monsieur de la Billardiere, — will not be appointed head of the division. ”

Bixiou. “Papa Phellion, you know geography? ”

Phellion [bridling up]. “I should say so! ”

Bixiou. “And history? ”

Phellion [affecting modesty]. “Possibly. ”

Bixiou [looking fixedly at him]. “Your diamond pin is loose, it is coming out. Well, you may know all that, but you don't know the human heart; you have gone no further in the geography and history of that organ than you have in the environs of the city of Paris. ”

Poiret [to Vimeux]. “Environs of Paris? I thought they were talking of Monsieur Rabourdin. ”

Bixiou. “About that bet? Does the entire bureau Rabourdin bet against me? ”

All. “Yes. ”

Bixiou. “Du Bruel, do you count in? ”

Du Bruel. “Of course I do. We want Rabourdin to go up a step and make room for others. ”

Bixiou. “Well, I accept the bet, — for this reason; you can hardly understand it, but I'll tell it to you all the same. It would be right and just to appoint Monsieur Rabourdin” [looking full at Dutocq], “because, in that case, long and faithful service, honor, and talent would be recognized, appreciated, and properly rewarded. Such an appointment is in the best interests of the administration. ” [Phellion, Poiret, and Thuillier listen stupidly, with the look of those who try to peer before them in the darkness. ] “Well, it is just because the promotion would be so fitting, and because the man has such merit, and because the measure is so eminently wise and equitable that I bet Rabourdin will not be appointed. Yes, you'll see, that appointment will slip up, just like the invasion from Boulogne, and the march to Russia, for the success of which a great genius has gathered together all the chances. It will fail as all good and just things do fail in this low world. I am only backing the devil's game. ”

Du Bruel. “Who do you think will be appointed? ”

Bixiou. “The more I think about Baudoyer, the more sure I feel that he unites all the opposite qualities; therefore I think he will be the next head of this division. ”

Dutocq. “But Monsieur des Lupeaulx, who sent for me to borrow my Charlet, told me positively that Monsieur Rabourdin was appointed, and that the little La Billardiere would be made Clerk of the Seals. ”

Bixiou. “Appointed, indeed! The appointment can't be made and signed under ten days. It will certainly not be known before New-Year's day. There he goes now across the courtyard; look at him, and say if the virtuous Rabourdin looks like a man in the sunshine of favor. I should say he knows he's dismissed. ” [Fleury rushes to the window. ] “Gentlemen, adieu; I'll go and tell Monsieur Baudoyer that I hear from you that Rabourdin is appointed; it will make him furious, the pious creature! Then I'll tell him of our wager, to cool him down, — a process we call at the theatre turning the Wheel of Fortune, don't we, du Bruel? Why do I care who gets the place? simply because if Baudoyer does he will make me under-head-clerk” [goes out].

Poiret. “Everybody says that man is clever, but as for me, I can never understand a word he says” [goes on copying]. “I listen and listen; I hear words, but I never get at any meaning; he talks about the environs of Paris when he discusses the human heart and” [lays down his pen and goes to the stove] “declares he backs the devil's game when it is a question of Russia and Boulogne; now what is there so clever in that, I'd like to know? We must first admit that the devil plays any game at all, and then find out what game; possibly dominoes” [blows his nose].

Fleury [interrupting]. “Pere Poiret is blowing his nose; it must be eleven o'clock. ”

Du Bruel. “So it is! Goodness! I'm off to the secretary; he wants to read the obituary. ”

Poiret. “What was I saying? ”

Thuillier. “Dominoes, — perhaps the devil plays dominoes. ” [Sebastien enters to gather up the different papers and circulars for signature. ]

Vimeux. “Ah! there you are, my fine young man. Your days of hardship are nearly over; you'll get a post. Monsieur Rabourdin will be appointed. Weren't you at Madame Rabourdin's last night? Lucky fellow! they say that really superb women go there. ”

Sebastien. “Do they? I didn't know. ”

Fleury. “Are you blind? ”

Sebastien. “I don't like to look at what I ought not to see. ”

Phellion [delighted]. “Well said, young man! ”

Vimeux. “The devil! well, ...

Table of contents

• DEDICATION
• BUREAUCRACY
• CHAPTER II. MONSIEUR DES LUPEAULX
• CHAPTER III. THE TEREDOS NAVALIS, OTHERWISE CALLED SHIP-WORM
• CHAPTER IV. THREE-QUARTER LENGTH PORTRAITS OF CERTAIN GOVERNMENT
• CHAPTER V. THE MACHINE IN MOTION
• CHAPTER VI. THE WORMS AT WORK
• CHAPTER VII. SCENES FROM DOMESTIC LIFE
• CHAPTER VIII. FORWARD, MOLLUSKS!
• CHAPTER IX. THE RESIGNATION
• ADDENDUM
• Copyright