Chapter 1 The Letter
Ā Ā I HAVE read of men who, when forced by their calling
to live for long periods in utter solitudeā save for a few black
facesā have made it a rule to dress regularly for dinner in order
to maintain their self-respect and prevent a relapse into
barbarism. It was in some such spirit, with an added touch of
self-consciousness, that, at seven o'clock in the evening of 23rd
September in a recent year, I was making my evening toilet in my
chambers in Pall Mall. I thought the date and the place justified
the parallel; to my advantage even; for the obscure Burmese
administrator might well be a man of blunted sensibilities and
coarse fibre, and at least he is alone with nature, while Iā well,
a young man of condition and fashion, who knows the right people,
belongs to the right clubs, has a safe, possibly a brilliant,
future in the Foreign Officeā may be excused for a sense of
complacent martyrdom, when, with his keen appreciation of the
social calendar, he is doomed to the outer solitude of London in
September. I say 'martyrdom', but in fact the case was infinitely
worse. For to feel oneself a martyr, as everybody knows, is a
pleasurable thing, and the true tragedy of my position was that I
had passed that stage. I had enjoyed what sweets it had to offer in
ever dwindling degree since the middle of August, when ties were
still fresh and sympathy abundant. I had been conscious that I was
missed at Morven Lodge party. Lady Ashleigh herself had said so in
the kindest possible manner, when she wrote to acknowledge the
letter in which I explained, with an effectively austere reserve of
language, that circumstances compelled me to remain at my office.
'We know how busy you must be just now', she wrote, 'and I do hope
you won't overwork; we shall all miss you very much. '
Friend after friend 'got away' to sport and fresh air, with
promises to write and chaffing condolences, and as each deserted
the sinking ship, I took a grim delight in my misery, positively
almost enjoying the first week or two after my world had been
finally dissipated to the four bracing winds of heaven.
Ā Ā I began to take a spurious interest in the remaining
five millions, and wrote several clever letters in a vein of cheap
satire, indirectly suggesting the pathos of my position, but
indicating that I was broad-minded enough to find intellectual
entertainment in the scenes, persons, and habits of London in the
dead season. I even did rational things at the instigation of
others. For, though I should have liked total isolation best, I, of
course, found that there was a sediment of unfortunates like
myself, who, unlike me, viewed the situation in a most prosaic
light. There were river excursions, and so on, after office-hours;
but I dislike the river at any time for its noisy vulgarity, and
most of all at this season. So I dropped out of the fresh air
brigade and declined Hā 's offer to share a riverside cottage and
run up to town in the mornings. I did spend one or two week-ends
with the Catesbys in Kent; but I was not inconsolable when they let
their house and went abroad, for I found that such partial
compensations did not suit me. Neither did the taste for satirical
observation last. A passing thirst, which I dare say many have
shared, for adventures of the fascinating kind described in the New
Arabian Nights led me on a few evenings into some shady haunts in
Soho and farther eastward; but was finally quenched one sultry
Saturday night after an hour's immersion in the reeking atmosphere
of a low music-hall in Ratcliffe Highway, where I sat next a portly
female who suffered from the heat, and at frequent intervals
refreshed herself and an infant from a bottle of tepid stout.
Ā Ā By the first week in September I had abandoned all
palliatives, and had settled into the dismal but dignified routine
of office, club, and chambers. And now came the most cruel trial,
for the hideous truth dawned on me that the world I found so
indispensable could after all dispense with me. It was all very
well for Lady Ashleigh to assure me that I was deeply missed; but a
letter from Fā , who was one of the party, written 'in haste, just
starting to shoot', and coming as a tardy reply to one of my
cleverest, made me aware that the house party had suffered little
from my absence, and that few sighs were wasted on me, even in the
quarter which I had assumed to have been discreetly alluded to by
the underlined all in Lady Ashleigh's 'we shall all
miss you'. A thrust which smarted more, if it bit less deeply, came
from my cousin Nesta, who wrote: 'It's horrid for you to have to be
baking in London now; but, after all, it must be a great pleasure
to you' (malicious little wretch! ) 'to have such interesting and
important work to do. ' Here was a nemesis for an innocent illusion
I had been accustomed to foster in the minds of my relations and
acquaintances, especially in the breasts of the trustful and
admiring maidens whom I had taken down to dinner in the last two
seasons; a fiction which I had almost reached the point of
believing in myself. For the plain truth was that my work was
neither interesting nor important, and consisted chiefly at present
in smoking cigarettes, in saying that Mr So-and-So was away and
would be back about 1st October, in being absent for lunch from
twelve till two, and in my spare moments making prĆ©cis ofā
let us sayā the less confidential consular reports, and squeezing
the results into cast-iron schedules. The reason of my detention
was not a cloud on the international horizonā though I may say in
passing that there was such a cloudā but a caprice on the part of a
remote and mighty personage, the effect of which, ramifying
downwards, had dislocated the carefully-laid holiday plans of the
humble juniors, and in my own small case had upset the arrangement
between myself and Kā , who positively liked the dog-days in
Whitehall.
Ā Ā Only one thing was needed to fill my cup of
bitterness, and this it was that specially occupied me as I dressed
for dinner this evening. Two days more in this dead and fermenting
city and my slavery would be at an end. Yes, butā irony of ironies!
ā I had nowhere to go to! The Morven Lodge party was breaking up. A
dreadful rumour as to an engagement which had been one of its
accursed fruits tormented me with the fresh certainty that I had
not been missed, and bred in me that most desolating brand of
cynicism which is produced by defeat through insignificance.
Invitations for a later date, which I had declined in July with a
gratifying sense of being much in request, now rose up spectrally
to taunt me. There was at least one which I could easily have
revived, but neither in this case nor in any other had there been
any renewal of pressure, and there are moments when the difference
between proposing oneself and surrendering as a prize to one of
several eagerly competing hostesses seems too crushing to be
contemplated. My own people were at Aix for my father's gout; to
join them was a pis aller whose banality was repellent.
Besides, they would be leaving soon for our home in Yorkshire, and
I was not a prophet in my own country. In short, I was at the
extremity of depression.
Ā Ā The usual preliminary scuffle on the staircase
prepared me for the knock and entry of Withers. (One of the things
which had for some time ceased to amuse me was the laxity of
manners, proper to the season, among the servants of the big block
of chambers where I lived. ) Withers demurely handed me a letter
bearing a German post-mark and marked 'Urgent'. I had just finished
dressing, and was collecting my money and gloves. A momentary
thrill of curiosity broke in upon my depression as I sat down to
open it. A comer on the reverse of the envelope bore the blotted
legend: 'Very sorry, but there's one other thingā a pair of rigging
screws from Carey and Neilson's, size 1 3/8, galvanized. '
Here it is:
Ā Ā _
Ā Ā Yacht 'Dulcibella, '
Ā Ā Flensburg, Schleswig-Holstein, 21st Sept. _
Ā Ā DEAR CARRUTHERS, ā I daresay you'll be surprised at
hearing from me, as it's ages since we met. It is more than likely,
too, that what I'm going to suggest won't suit you, for I know
nothing of your plans, and if you're in town at all you're probably
just getting into harness again and can't get away. So I merely
write on the offchance to ask if you would care to come out here
and join me in a little yachting, and, I hope, duck shooting. I
know you're keen on shooting, and I sort of remember that you have
done some yachting too, though I rather forget about that. This
part of the Balticā the Schleswig fiordsā is a splendid
cruising-groundā A1 sceneryā and there ought to be plenty of duck
about soon, if it gets cold enough. I came out here via
Holland and the Frisian Islands, starting early in August. My pals
have had to leave me, and I'm badly in want of another, as I don't
want to lay up yet for a bit. I needn't say how glad I should be if
you could come. If you can, send me a wire to the P. O. here.
Flushing and on by Hamburg will be your best route, I think. I'm
having a few repairs done here, and will have them ready sharp by
the time your train arrives. Bring your gun and a good lot of No.
4's; and would you mind calling at Lancaster's and asking for mine,
and bringing it too? Bring some oilskins. Better get the
eleven-shilling sort, jacket and trousersā not the 'yachting'
brand; and if you paint bring your gear. I know you speak German
like a native, and that will be a great help. Forgive this hail of
directions, but I've a sort of feeling that I'm in luck and that
you'll come. Anyway, I hope you and the F. O. both flourish.
Good-bye.
Ā Ā Yours ever, ARTHUR H. DAVIES.
Ā Ā Would you mind bringing me out a prismatic
compass, and a pound of
Ā Ā Raven Mixture.
Ā Ā This letter marked an epoch for me; but I little
suspected the fact as I crumpled it into my pocket and started
languidly on the voie douloureuse which I nightly followed
to the club. In Pall Mall there were no dignified greetings to be
exchanged now with well-groomed acquaintances. The only people to
be seen were some late stragglers from the park, with a
perambulator and some hot and dusty children lagging fretfully
behind; some rustic sightseers draining the last dregs of the
daylight in an effort to make out from their guide-books which of
these reverend piles was which; a policeman and a builder's cart.
Of course the club was a strange one, both of my own being closed
for cleaning, a coincidence expressly planned by Providence for my
inconvenience. The club which you are 'permitted to make use of' on
these occasions always irritates with its strangeness and
discomfort. The few occupants seem odd and oddly dressed, and you
wonder how they got there. The particular weekly that you want is
not taken in; the dinner is execrable, and the ventilation a farce.
All these evils oppressed me to-night. And yet I was puzzled to
find that somewhere within me there was a faint lightening of the
spirits; causeless, as far as I could discover. It could not be
Davies's letter. Yachting in the Baltic at the end of September!
The very idea made one shudder. Cowes, with a pleasant party and
hotels handy, was all very well. An August cruise on a steam yacht
in French waters or the Highlands was all very well; but what kind
of a yacht was this? It must be of a certain size to have got so
far, but I thought I remembered enough of Davies's means to know
that he had no money to waste on luxuries. That brought me to the
man himself. I had known him at Oxfordā not as one of my immediate
set; but we were a sociable college, and I had seen a good deal of
him, liking him for his physical energy combined with a certain
simplicity and modesty, though, indeed, he had nothing to be
conceited about; liked him, in fact, in the way that at that
receptive period one likes many men whom one never keeps up with
later. We had both gone down in the same yearā three years ago now.
I had gone to France and Germany for two years to learn the
languages; he had failed for the Indian Civil, and then had gone
into a solicitor's office. I had only seen him since at rare
intervals, though I admitted to myself that for his part he had
clung loyally to what ties of friendship there were between us. But
the truth was that we had drifted apart from the nature of things.
I had passed brilliantly into my profession, and on the few
occasions I had met him since I made my triumphant dƩbut in
society I had found nothing left in common between us. He seemed to
know none of my friends, he dressed indifferently, and I thought
him dull. I had always connected him with boats and the sea, but
never with yachting, in the sense that I understood it. In college
days he had nearly persuaded me into sharing a squalid week in some
open boat he had picked up, and was going to sail among some dreary
mud-flats somewhere on the east coast. There was nothing else, and
the funereal function of dinner drifted on. But I found myself
remembering at the entrƩe that I had recently heard, at
second or third hand, of something else about himā exactly what I
could not recall. When I reached the savoury, I had concluded, so
far as I had centred my mind on it at all, that the whole thing was
a culminating irony, as, indeed, was the savoury in its way. After
the wreck of my pleasant plans and the fiasco of my martyrdom, to
be asked as consolation to spend October freezing in the Baltic
with an eccentric nonentity who bored me! Yet, as I smoked my cigar
in the ghastly splendour of the empty smoking-room, the subject
came up again. Was there anything in it? There were certainly no
alternatives at hand. And to bury myself in the Baltic at this
unearthly time of year had at least a smack of tragic thoroughness
about it.
Ā Ā I pulled out the letter again, and ran down its
impulsive staccato sentences, affecting to ignore what a gust of
fresh air, high spirits, and good fellowship this flimsy bit of
paper wafted into the jaded club-room. On reperusal, it was full of
evil presageā 'Al scenery'ā but what of equinoctial storms and
October fogs? Every sane yachtsman was paying off his crew now.
'There ought to be duck'ā vague, very vague. 'If it gets cold
enough' . . . cold and yachting seemed to be a gratuitously
monstrous union. His pals had left him; why? 'Not the āyachtingā
brand'; and why not? As to the size, comfort, and crew of the
yachtā all cheerfully ignored; so many maddening blanks. And, by
the way, why in Heaven's name 'a prismatic compass'? I fingered a
few magazines, played a game of fifty with a friendly old fogey,
too importunate to be worth the labour of resisting, and went back
to my chambers to bed, ignorant that a friendly Providence had come
to my rescue; and, indeed, rather resenting any clumsy attempt at
such friendliness.
Chapter 2 The 'Dulcibella'
THAT two days later I should be found pacing the deck of the Flushing steamer with a ticket for Hamburg in my pocket may seem a strange result, yet not so strange if you have divined my state of mind. You will guess, at any rate, that I was armed with the conviction that I was doing an act of obscure penance, rumours of which might call attention to my lot and perhaps awaken remorse in the right quarter, while it left me free to enjoy myself unobtrusively in the remote event of enjoyment being possible.
The fact was that, at breakfast on the morning after the arrival of the letter, I had still found that inexplicable lightening which I mentioned before, and strong enough to warrant a revival of the pros and cons. An important pro which I had not thought of before was that after all it was a good-natured piece of unselfishness to join Davies; for he had spoken of the want of a pal, and seemed honestly to be in need of me. I almost clutched at this consideration. It was an admirable excuse, when I reached my office that day, for a resigned study of the Continental Bradshaw, and an order to Carter to unroll a great creaking wall-map of Germany and find me Flensburg. The latter labour I might have saved him, but it was good for Carter to have something to do; and his patient ignorance was amusing. With most of the map and what it suggested I was tolerably familiar, for I had not wasted my year in Germany, whatever I had done or not done since. Its people, history, progress, and future had interested me intensely, and I had still friends in Dresden and Berlin. Flensburg recalled the Danish war of '64, and by the time Carter's researches had ended in success I had forgotten the task set him, and was wondering whether the prospect of seeing something of that lovely region of Schleswig-Holstein, [See Map A] as I knew from hearsay that it was, was at all to be set against such an uncomfortable way of seeing it, with the season so late, the company so unattractive, and all the other drawbacks which I counted and treasured as proofs of my desperate condition, if I were to go. It needed little to decide me, and I think Kā 's arrival from Switzerland, offensively sunburnt, was the finishing touch. His greeting was 'Hullo, Carruthers, you here? Thought you had got away long ago. Lucky devil, though, to be going now, just in time for the best driving and the early pheasants. The heat's been shocking out there. Carter, bring me a Bradshaw'ā (an extraordinary book, Bradshaw, turned to from habit, even when least wanted, as men fondle guns and rods in the close season).
By lunch-time the weight of indecision had been removed, and I found myself entrusting Carter with a telegram to Davies, P. O. , Flensburg. 'Thanks; expect me 9. 34 p. m. 26th'; which produced, three hours later, a reply: 'Delighted; please bring a No. 3 Rippingille stove'ā a perplexing and ominous direction, which somehow chilled me in spite of its subject matter.
Indeed, my resolution was continually faltering. It faltered when I turned out my gun in the evening and thought of the grouse it ought to have accounted for. It faltered again when I contemplated the miscellaneous list of commissions, sown broadcast through Davies's letter, to fulfil which seemed to make me a willing tool where my chosen rƓle was that of an embittered exile, or at least a condescending ally. However, I faced the commissions manfully, after leaving the office.
At Lancaster's I inquired for his gun, was received coolly, and had to pay a heavy bill, which it seemed to have incurred, before it was handed over. Having ordered the gun and No. 4's to be sent to my chambers, I bought the Raven mixture with that peculiar sense of injury which the prospect of smuggling in another's behalf always entails; and wondered where in the world Carey and Neilson's was, a firm which Davies spoke of as though it were as well known as the Bank of England or the Stores, instead of specializing in 'rigging-screws', whatever they might be. They sounded important, though, and it would be only polite to unearth them. I connected them with the 'few repairs'
and awoke new misgivings. At the Stores I asked for a No. 3 Rippingille stove, and was confronted with a formidable and hideous piece of ironmongery, which burned petroleum in two capacious tanks, horribly prophetic of a smell of warm oil. I paid for this miserably, convinced of its grim efficiency, but speculating as to the domestic conditions which caused it to be sent for as an afterthought by telegram. I also asked about rigging-screws in the yachting department, but learnt that they were not kept in stock; that Carey and Neilson's would certainly have them, and that their shop was in the Minories, in the far east, meaning a journey nearly as long as to Flensburg, and twice as tiresome. They would be shut by the time I got there, so after this exhausting round of duty I went home in a cab, omitted dressing for dinner (an epoch in itself), ordered a chop up from the basement kitchen, and spent the rest of the evening packing and writing, with the methodical gloom of a man setting his affairs in order for the last time.
The last of those airless nights passed. The astonished Withers saw me breakfasting at eight, and at 9. 30 I was vacantly examining rigging-screws with what wits were left me after a sulphurous ride in the Underground to Aldgate. I laid great stress on the 3/8's, and the galvanism, and took them on trust, ignorant as to their functions. For the eleven-shilling oilskins I was referred to a villainous den in a back street, which the shopman said they always recommended, and where a dirty and bejewelled Hebrew chaffered with me (beginning at 18s. ) over two reeking orange slabs distantly resembling moieties of the human figure. Their odour made me close prematurely for 14s. , and I hurried back (for I was due there at eleven) to my office with my two disreputable brown-paper parcels, one of which made itself so noticeable in the close official air that Carter attentively asked if I would like to have it sent to my chambers, and Kā was inquisitive to bluntness about it and my movements. But I did not care to enlighten Kā , whose comm...