Benefit of Farting Explained

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• Publisher: Alma Classics
• Year: 2018
• eBook ISBN: 9780714546438

What is the nature, essence and definition of a fart? What are the consequences and disadvantages of suppressing one? Why is farting considered to be taboo? Swift's The Benefit of Farting argues eloquently, in a forceful a posteriori fashion, that most of the distempers thought to affect the fairer sex are due to flatulences not adequately vented. To complete the excursus into this venerable and age-old human activity, Charles James Fox's Essay upon Wind provides a detailed analysis, classification and history of farting, peppered with wit and curious anecdotes about particularly eminent farters of the past.

Arse Musica

or

The Lady’s Back Report

to

Don Fartinhando Puffindorst, Professor of Bumbast in the University of Cracow on the Benefit of Farting, with a Congratulatory Epistle, by Way of an Address of Thanks to the Said Author.

Written by the Countess of Fizzlerumpff

NB: This address is signed by the fifty-two ladies of quality as the Lady Bumfizzle her sister, the Ladies Rumfart, Mumfart, Bombfart, Rattlefart, Rousingfart, Bouncefart, etc., whose names are subscribed, and not one of them either Whig or Tory.

A receipt for the further encouragement of farting, taking from the Ladies’ secret cabinet opened. Page 107.

Take of vipers two male, For the vipers are styptic

And the sperm of a whale And the sperm is so peptic

Infused in racy canary. They’ll drive the wind out at your fun.

If they do not prevail So elastic’s the blast,

In the head or the tail, That it scours out as fast

I’ll be hanged for a witch or a fairy; As a ball from the mouth of a gun.

LONDON

Printed for A. Moore, near St Paul’s, and Sold by the Booksellers of London and Westminster. (Price Three Pence)

To the Learned

Don Fartinhando Puffindorst

May it please Your Worship,

Since you have so liberally vented your airy notions in favour of the fair sex in general, etc., which tends by a legal descent to the benefit of us and our posterity, we thought the whole body of our family could do no less than return you our hearty thanks and congratulate you upon our happy thoughts a posteriori; for to speak truth, and a fart for you, we have received little advantage from your sex of late years a priori; you have been so backward in your doing for some time past that we have had just reason to fear an irruption into our quarters, and that you would invade the province that our whole family possessed time immemorial. It was the greatest pleasure and satisfaction to us, as well as a particular delight and ease to our grandmother, Madam Bombfart, and to my Lady Bumfizzle my sister, when we found we were like to be rescued out of the tyranny and oppression of some of your sex, who had a mind to bung us all up in the hole.

The enlargement you have given us to make escape without fear or danger – but from some of your own family who are suspected of illegitimacy – has created such insupportable pleasure in my cousin Scapefart that she takes the liberty to crack of your performances every day and, when once set down to whisk, makes nothing of it to trump about all the game.

With what you are pleased to mention about our musical performances, though backwards at first, we have been encouraged to style the ensuing tract by the name of Arse Musica, and with the humble submission to your posterior judgement do design to advertise the public that we will every day during the merry month of March, as the winds fit in the back quarter of our microcosms, perform symphonies, concertos, sonatas, ridottos,*duets, etc., which we ourselves compose in the pyloric style from the bass, tenor or treble, called colon, iliac and the jejune pipes; for as you know from the learned languages, the Greeks had the Attic, Doric and Ionic dialects; so we have a musical machine which consists of a bundle of bagpipes, all wind instruments, which are distributed artfully with an organical pipe that produces great variety of sounds, being the fundamental invention of this family of the Fartalls.

We could enlarge our tale, but as we find you to be a perfect master of the subject, we leave it to you to follow the scent, while we endeavour to secure our bottom ray and consider further how much we are indebted to a gentleman who struggles so hard for the benefit of farting.

We are with all deference to your Worship’s nose-on,*as with ease to ourselves we ought to be the backward way.

Yours to command,

Fandilla, Countess of Fizzlerumpfart

Babarissa, Lady Bumfizzle

Mevrouw Bombfart

Lady Lackfart

Lady Pinchfart

Lady Scapefart

Miss Slyfart

Mrs Ticklefart

Madam Bouncefart

Madam Bundlefart

Yo-frow, Mumfart

Madam Rumfart, a West India Merchant’s Lady

Miss Popfart

Mrs Smoothfart

Fanny Foistfart, spinster

Mrs Susan Stopfart

Madam Dorothy Dropfart

Mrs Abigail Sweetfart

Madam Alefart, the brewer’s wife

Berinthia Baulkfart, spinster

Mrs Blowzebella Bottomfart

Dame...

Table of contents

• The Benefit of Farting
• An Essay upon Wind
• An Essay upon Farting
• Postscript
• Afterthoughts upon Farting
• Afterthoughts upon Farting
• Notes
• The Benefit of Farting Explained
• The Benefit of Farting Explained
• A Certificate from the Court of the Princess Arsemini
• Postscript by Way of Preface
• On Miss V***e’s F***t, in the Philippic Style
• The Benefit of Farting Explained
• Meditation on a T***d, Written in a Place of Ease
• Arse Musica
• Notes
• Biographical Notes
• Note on the Texts
• other titles in the alma Quirky Classics Series