Saving Face

How to Preserve Dignity and Build Trust

Maya Hu-Chan

• Publisher: Berrett-Koehler Publishers
• Year: 2020
• eBook ISBN: 9781523088621
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Art Techniques
• Index: Business

"Maya Hu-Chan shares a blueprint for becoming a more empathetic, self-aware, and inclusive leader. Saving Face guides us to consider different perspectives, to think first and speak last, and to respect others above all else."
—Frances Hesselbein, former CEO, Girl Scouts of the USA, and Presidential Medal of Freedom recipient Organizations now need to attract, retain, and motivate teams and employees across distance, time zones, and cultural differences. Building authentic and lasting human relations may be the most important calling for leaders in this century. According to management and global leadership specialist Maya Hu-Chan, the concept of "saving face" can help any leader preserve dignity and create more empathetic cross-cultural relationships. "Face" represents one's self-esteem, self-worth, identity, reputation, status, pride, and dignity. Saving face is often understood as saving someone from embarrassment, but it's also about developing an understanding of the background and motivations of others to discover the unique facets we all possess. Without that understanding, we risk causing others to lose face without even knowing it. Hu-Chan explains saving face through anecdotes and practical tools, such as her BUILD leadership model (Benevolence, Understanding, Interacting, Learning, and Delivery). This book illustrates how we can give face to create positive first impressions, avoid causing others to lose face, and, most importantly, build trust and lasting relationships inside and outside the workplace.

CHAPTER 1

Saving Face as Social Currency

WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORDS “save face,” what do you think of? You might imagine someone trying to recover after saying something embarrassing. Maybe they made a misstep in the workplace and now need to repair their reputation. Egos get hurt and somehow must be mended.

The concept of “face” in many cultures extends to something far deeper. It speaks to a deeper need for dignity and acceptance, and the ways we convey that dignity to one another. The ability of people to successfully apply concepts of face as a type of social currency might be the single most integral part of establishing successful business partnerships.

Many have heard the term “face” as in “losing face.” But not many understand how complex and widespread the concept is in Asia and in other cultures. Face represents a person’s status and reputation in business and politics, among family and friends, in local communities—even the nation at large. The concept of face has influenced nearly every aspect of life and culture for 2,500 years.

The concept of face (miàn zi, in Chinese) is difficult to define because there is no English word that is a direct equivalent. “Respect” or “dignity” come close, but do not fully encapsulate all its nuance. In the historical Chinese perspective, face represents a person’s reputation, credibility, and level of prestige within the family, among personal friends, and in society at large. Whatever word or phrase is used for it, in Chinese, English, or any other language, the importance of face is universal within just about every culture.

The influence of face in Asian culture typically affects three parts of society—self, community, and action.

Self relates to how an individual perceives the level of prestige they believe they’ve earned through their accomplishments or status within the community.

Community represents the level of respect and courtesy that should be bestowed upon someone based on their status within a business, family, or other social network.

Action corresponds to the behavior or deeds that can cause someone else to either lose or gain face.

To put it all together in terms of face, self is how you see yourself, community is how you see others, and action is what each of us does to each other that impacts face positively or negatively.

From a business perspective, the Chinese perception of face is very apparent in all levels of communications and relationships. Adherence to company hierarchy is ever present and plays a much more important role than in many Western countries. Leaders and senior managers are placed on a pedestal, and the distinction between various levels of management is clearly defined. Many leaders expect their orders to be followed without question, and when someone does not follow the intent of their leader, they are perceived as not giving the necessary prestige that the leader is owed.

While our objective here isn’t to duplicate that model of business hierarchy, the concept of face is just as important in the West, and we’ll be looking at how that is so throughout this book.

“THROW AWAY THE FACE”

The concept of face is so entrenched globally that common phrases about face are a normal part of everyday conversation. The Chinese phrase diulian translates as “throw away the face”—that is, to be so ashamed or embarrassed you feel as though you have removed your face and tossed it away. And let’s not forget the Western phrase “putting your best face forward”—another way of presenting yourself with respect and honor.

The idea of saving face isn’t just some theoretical concept that affects communication between groups in far-flung locations. As the following story shows, issues about face can just as easily happen in the same building.

A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Errors

My colleague Jeremy Solomons, a global leadership consultant and columnist based in Kigali, Rwanda, shared an incident involving face between the sales team and the software engineers in the same company.¹ This is Jeremy’s story.

I was working with a group of software engineers in Texas and one of the engineers was working very closely with the sales manager of the company.

They met frequently and they seemed to have a good rapport. That was, until one occasion when they were doing a product review and the sales manager was in a rush to board a flight for a business meeting the next day. Much of what the two discussed in their meeting had been illustrated by the engineer on a whiteboard. Instead of taking notes, the sales manager quickly used his smartphone to take a photo of what was on the whiteboard.

During his trip, he noticed that communication with the engineering team was suddenly more formal and terse than before, and deadlines were not being met. When he brought this up with his engineering contact, the engineer initially claimed nothing was wrong. But instinct told the sales manager that something was wrong, and he found an excuse to get back and meet the engineer in person as soon as possible.

The engineering lead at first pretended nothing was wrong but, when pressed, he finally reminded the sales manager of the photograph, which contained some errors that the engineers had made and, as such, seemed like a betrayal to the team, who did not know who was going to see it.

The team felt they had lost face, and the team lead said that when the sales manager did that, “it was humiliating.” The sales manager apologized sincerely and profusely, and relations between him and the engineers gradually improved again. Needless to say, he did not take any more photos!

As you go through this book, you may notice that I sprinkle a lot of anecdotes about what I’ve observed in my interactions with clients. It’s intentional! Instead of reciting abstract theories in a vacuum, I want to show how the concept of face actually has an impact on people through real-life experiences.

Here’s a terrific example of how the chief operating officer (COO) of a major corporation helped to preserve face for one of his managers when something negative happened.

Why “Saving Face” Is More Than Just a Saying

Helping someone “save face” requires empathy, kindness, and authenticity. One of my clients, Dan Nesselroth, described an experience he witnessed while working for a global company.²

Dan was hired by the company’s finance director, who was facing a crisis. Under his watch, a frontline employee had stolen more than $100,000 in an eight-month period. Dan’s manager had designed and deployed the entire cash flow process that allowed this employee to commit the fraud undetected. An optimistic and trusting person, he had included minimal anti-fraud and anti-theft controls in the design.

The case was a high-profile one; not only was it discussed in security meetings but also knowledge of it spread quickly through whispers throughout the company.

“When the theft was revealed and the scope of it ballooned with each day of the investigation, my boss felt entirely responsible and personally victimized,” Dan says. “It was an example of ‘losing face.’”

Soon, the company’s COO planned a meeting with Dan and his manager. The stress consumed Dan’s boss: He lost weight, lost sleep, and developed anxiety.

“For days he felt like a dead man walking, perhaps made even worse by the hardline reputation the COO had,” Dan says.

When the day arrived, Dan and his boss waited nervously in a conference room. The COO walked in. His manager’s dread and anxiety were impossible to ignore. The COO broke the tension with one sentence: “I don’t care about the theft.” He continued, saying that theft is unavoidable, whether one runs a hotdog stand or a multinational company. The company was insured and would be made whole. “I only want to know that you plan to review the process and fix it. And you seem well on your way, from what I can see,” the COO said.

Dan reports that his manager’s demeanor immediately brightened. He returned to his job with renewed energy.

The COO had saved the manager’s face and did so authentically.

• He was firm but kind. Saving face requires having the other person’s best interest in mind, understanding their perspective, and delivering constructive feedback. The COO considered the circumstances before making decisions. Humanity is key. Ego is the enemy.
• It’s important to point out that saving face isn’t the same as just letting someone off the hook. When a mistake is made, there still needs to be accountability. In this case, the COO communicated directly and clearly about his expectations and trusted that the financial director would see to it that the problem was fixed.
• He employed emotional intelligence. When he walked in the room, the COO was aware of the finance director’s stress level. He “raised his antenna” and reacted with empathy. He was respectful, choosing his words carefully. He didn’t make assumptions. He treated the finance director with decency.
• He was intentional. When having emotionally delicate conversations, start with the end goal in mind. Ask, “What is my intention? What do we want to achieve?” Stating your intention creates openness and breaks down barriers.
• He made the finance director feel worthy. The COO didn’t demean or embarrass him. Instead, he did the opposite—he recognized, in front of Dan, the work the finance director had been doing to improve security measures. He acknowledged the finance director’s self-worth and affirmed it.
• He helped the finance director overcome shame and embarrassment quickly and refocus his energy on solving the problem and moving forward. He showed the finance director that he trusted him and had confidence that he would do the right thing.

Saving face is done authentically when you are intentional, respectful, and sensitive. Act with empathy and leave ego and judgment at the door. When you help someone save face in this way, you not only inspire loyalty—you also bring out the best in others, having made them feel appreciated and valued.

The act of saving face can take many forms. It may be very subtle or overt depending on the culture and environment, but it is always there.

THE BANK OF FACE

When we are attuned to face, we begin to use it as social currency. In this sense, it is possible to imagine how we build a supply of face with someone by continuously making deposits, just like a bank account. The more we deposit, the more we build trust. We express gratitude and appreciation. We compliment others and recognize them for their contributions, in public and in private. Or we empathize, putting ourselves in their place to understand their challenges. We give them and their voice equal time and weight. This is how we make a deposit.

When we need to make a withdrawal, we’re careful not to “tear the face apart.” We provide criticism or feedback in a way that saves face and preserves dignity. If we mistakenly cause someone to lose face, the relationship can still be saved if there are enough deposits to cover the withdrawal.

Face is also traded as currency. Global business leaders use face as a commodity, trading and borrowing face to strike mutual deals or to gain entry into one another’s markets or networks. A global business leader’s success depends on how he or she understands face and its crucial role in cross-cultural communication.

The more “face” you have, the easier and quicker it is to get things done.

Face as a social currency isn’t solely focused on business. It matters in every interaction you have, whether it’s professional or personal. Here are a couple of examples of how face works on a personal level.

You Don’t Remember Me, Do You?

A good friend of mine and community influencer,
Yen Tu, shared an observation many of us can identify with.³ As Yen recalls,

When I meet someone I met a while ago, I often recognize their face but don’t always recall their name. To be courteous and avoid awkwardness, I always reintroduce myself. It doesn’t take anything away from me. They always seem relieved and happy that I helped them save face.

Yet on occasion, when the tables are turned, some people are not so kind or courteous. They might say, “You don’t remember my name, do you?” It’s a bit humiliating and, obviously, I know it doesn’t have to be that way.

How a Wedding, a Truck, and a $10 Bill
Can Lead to Losing Face

Here is an example of how even the best of intentions can lead to someone losing face on a personal level.

My husband, Wayne, and I were preparing to get married and move into a brand-new home. Wayne asked a family friend, Daniel, a friend of his fathe...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Dedication
• Contents
• Foreword
• Preface
• Introduction: Honoring Face, Losing Face, and Saving Face
• Chapter 1. Saving Face as Social Currency
• Chapter 2. How to Avoid Losing Face
• Chapter 3. Authentic Acts of Saving and Honoring Face
• Chapter 4. Saving Face for the Wrong Reason
• Chapter 5. Psychological Safety, Innovation, . . . and Face
• Chapter 6. How to BUILD Relationships Using Face
• Chapter 7. Relearning How to Drive
• Chapter 8. Cultural Agility
• Chapter 9. Seeing beyond the Glass Ceiling
• Chapter 10. Face and the Value of Feedback
• Chapter 11. Facetime
• The Toolkit
• Notes
• Acknowledgments
• Index
• About the Author