Older Widows and the Life Course

Multiple Narratives of Hidden Lives

Pat Chambers

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2018
• Print ISBN: 9781138354821, 9780815390817
• eBook ISBN: 9781351152143
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Social Sciences
• Subtopic: Sociology
• Index: Social Sciences

Later-life widowhood is the expectation of most older wives, since statistically women live longer than men and tend to marry men older than themselves. Despite this there has been little coverage of the complexities of later-life widowhood. In this book Pat Chambers redresses this balance, combining an analysis of the literature that does exist with qualitative research amongst older widows. The research reveals a multi-faceted experience of later-life widowhood. Older widows life stories challenge the dominant public narrative of misery and decline, pointing instead to a complexity of experience which is rooted in personal biography and the female life course rather than in later-life widowhood itself. Chambers develops the concept of multiple narratives as a way of uncovering the complex, but often hidden lives of older widows. Without such an understanding, she argues, it is all too easy to subscribe to the powerfully dominant public narrative and thus to misinterpret older widows current needs and aspirations. This is an engaging and original study of a key topic for gerontological research and will be of great interest to sociologists and social policy scholars who study ageing and the life course.

Chapter 1
Introduction: The Experience of Later Life Widowhood

Beginnings

I first became interested in the 'lived' experience of older widows at the beginning of the 1990s as a result of a number of encounters in both my public, professional life and my private, domestic life. In my (then) role as a Lecturer in Social Care I facilitated a number of intergenerational projects, which comprised younger, mainly female, students working with and learning from older people, the majority of whom were female and widowed. The focus of these projects was to challenge younger people's pre-conceptions of old age as a time of decline and inevitable dependency and to foster instead both interdependence and reciprocity.

Increasingly, I also found some of my own pre-conceptions being challenged as I worked alongside the students and older women in a variety of care settings. In particular, I found my assumptions about the inevitable loneliness and unhappiness of widowhood confronted. I gradually began to realize that my ideas about widowhood were shaped by powerful cultural stereotypes of 'tragedy' and 'ongoing grief, and a strong patriarchal view of women alone being somehow 'less than' whole. I now know that my views were also influenced by my own personal history and my close, albeit second hand, knowledge of widowhood (my aunt and godmother, my mother-in-law, the mothers of two school friends, my father) all of whom were widowed, unexpectedly, at a young age, certainly before they might have expected to be widowed in the normal course of events, and all of whom found themselves in circumstances very different from their peers.

In the course of my work I met a diverse group of older women whose ages ranged from late 60s to late 80s, most of whom had been in one long term marriage terminated only by the death of their spouse, all of whom had different stories to tell about their present lives as widows. Their experiences covered a whole spectrum, from those who identified themselves as 'depressed' and still grieving after many years, to those for whom widowhood had been a blessed relief. I also became aware of the large number of older widows who lived in my own immediate neighbourhood. The area of the north of England in which I lived comprised mainly late nineteenth/early twentieth century terraced houses, many of which are owned or rented by single, older women. Specialist, retirement housing had also been developed in recent years. Not surprisingly then, there was a flourishing older people's 'scene' anchored in the Senior Citizen's Centre and the bowling club. It is interesting to note that as my interest in widowhood developed, these women became increasingly 'visible' to me. They had obviously always been there but were previously 'invisible'. I guessed that they were widows because they rarely had a male partner. Sometimes they were on their own, but very often they were with other women in twos or threes. And many of them seemed to be having fun! There was lots of laughter, talk and activity.

At the same time I started to read about older widows and was immediately struck by the contrast between what I was 'seeing' and what I was reading. The literature presented a much gloomier, more uniform picture than the one that was being revealed to me. I felt as though I had stumbled upon something quite extraordinary and passionately wanted to find out more. And so, in 1993, I undertook a small qualitative study which focused on the experience of five older widows (Chambers 1993).

These older women, now in their late sixties to late eighties, had been in a long term marriage, ended only by the death of their spouse, after which they had been living alone for quite a significant period of time. As such they were different from the women who preceded them and also the ones that would succeed them. The former had their marriages terminated by the early death of one partner, whereas later generations of women are much more likely to see their marriage end in divorce.

Embarking on a journey

This was the tentative beginning of my journey into the exploration of the lives, as I discuss in Chapter 9, of a particular 'generation' of older widows. At the end of my initial study, and as I began to review the literature in more depth, I became aware of yet more contradictions and omissions. Simultaneously, my interest in oral history and biography was being fueled by new developments in my working life. At this point I consulted Mason (1996:11-18), who recommends the researcher to ask herself five, difficult questions about the essence of her enquiry:

• What is the nature of the phenomena or entities or social reality that I wish to investigate? The phenomena that I wanted to investigate were the contradictions that confronted me. I wanted to explore the nature of later life widowhood as 'experienced' by older widows, in order to investigate their social reality.
• What might represent knowledge or evidence of the entities or social reality that I wish to investigate? Because I wanted to understand the different ways that older women made sense of their lives in widowhood, my evidence would to come from the women themselves.
• What topic or broad substantive area is the research concerned with? My own knowledge of the significance of the whole life course on later life, my earlier exposure to the diversity of experience in widowhood and my strong belief in 'giving voice' to older women, convinced me that I needed to engage with the life stories of older widows, before I could even begin to understand their current experience. I would therefore have to embrace the life course of the current generation of older widows as well as exploring widowhood itself.
• What is the intellectual puzzle? What do I wish to explain? My intellectual puzzle was to test my conviction that widowhood was integral to a woman's whole life rather than an entity in itself.
• What is the purpose of my research? What am I doing it for? As an academic, I welcomed the opportunity to embark on new research, but at a personal level, as an ageing woman, I wanted to attempt to render this normally 'invisible' group of women more visible.

In summary, I wanted to find out more about the complexities underpinning both the objective and subjective experience of later life widowhood, and to ascertain the extent to which an older woman's life course impacted on her current experience. I wanted to understand how she makes sense of 'who' she is in widowhood and to do this within a framework that gives her a 'voice'.

This then was the starting point of my journey: to investigate the lived experience of later life widowhood through a review of the literature and by engaging older widows in a dialogue about their lives and the place of widowhood within those lives

The likelihood of widowhood in later life

I now discuss, in general terms what the literature tells us about widowhood in later life. I draw attention to the fact that most older, married women will spend a significant period of their later years as a widow. I then set the scene for the following three chapters by discussing the predominant way in which widowhood is conceptualised in the research literature as a 'problem' of later life.

Gender differences in mortality and the social norm that women marry men older than themselves mean that widowhood is the norm for older women in the UK. Half of women aged 65 and over are widowed, reaching four fifths at ages 85 and over (ONS, 2001). Older widows tend not to remarry, usually through choice (Davidson 1999) and so, for many women, the likelihood is that they may spend a substantial number of years as an older widow.

In contrast, over three quarters of men aged 65 to 69 are married, 66 per cent in first marriages and 11 per cent remarried (ONS, 2001). Indeed, marriage rather than widowhood is the norm for older men. These trends seem set to continue and we are likely to see even greater numbers of older widows in subsequent cohorts. Unlike the current generation of older widows, there is a greater likelihood that future older women will have experienced divorce and remarriage. Among older men and women, the likelihood of being divorced has increased from 2 per cent to 5 per cent in the period 1980-1998 (ONS 2001). During the same period, the proportion of those who have remained 'ever single' has declined from 11 per cent to 6 per cent.

Given that widowhood is such a major feature of later life for older women, it is surprising to discover how little we know about the daily lives of older widows and the diversity of their experience. The ongoing 'lived experience' of widowhood is blurred in the literature on later life, which tends to homogenise women and is rarely alluded to in the literature on bereavement which, as we shall see, focuses on the disruption of the early days of widowhood.

The 'problem' of widowhood

Research in Great Britain on the long-term experience of older widows is scarce. The little research there is concentrates on loss and bereavement, and focuses on the period of adjustment following the death of a spouse (Marris 1958; Torrie 1975; Bowling and Cartwright 1982). Davidson's (1999) illuminating work on gender differences in widowhood is one notable exception. North American research is more abundant (Lopata 1973, 1987; Arling 1976; O'Bryant 1982, 1987, 1991; Bankoff 1983; Ferraro 1984; Morgan 1989) but, until recently, there was a still a concentration on bereavement (Martin Mathews 1991; Jones Porter 1994; Lieberman 1996; Lopata 1996; Van Den Hoonard 1997, 1999). Indeed, a fairly uniform, problem-focused picture, which I now describe, emerges from the existing research literature.

Loss

Widowhood is identified as one of the major sources of loss in old age, in which the loss of a central role partner is compounded by the absence of any cultural expectations concerning a widow's proper role. Indeed, a body of literature exists which construes widowhood as a major stressful life event (see Holmes and Ray 1967) and Martin Matthews (1991) confirms that a major characteristic of Canadian widowhood research is its stress related nature. According to Bankoff (1983), the death of a spouse is a fundamental disruption which removes a key relationship in one's emotional life. Those with poor health, a lack of economic resources and poor education are likely to suffer most (Lopata 1973, 1979). According to Jerrome (1993) the loss of a partner through death involves a series of losses which include companionship, material support, a partner in a world which is couple oriented and someone to negotiate on the woman's behalf in a male dominated society. Torrie's (1975:3) description of the loss is more emotive:

the death of a husband is in large measure the shattering of a home, as evident as any bomb blast which shears off the front of a house leaving all its intimate affairs exposed.

The literature tells us that older widows are more likely to be poor, emotionally troubled and to lack meaningful life patterns (Bankoff 1983; Gorer 1965; Gurin et al 1960; Lopata 1973, 1979, 1988; Madisson and Walker 1967; Parkes 1972). In addition, they have an elevated risk of deterioration and death (Jacobson and Ostfield 1977; Rees and Lutkins 1967). Widowhood brings with it an emotional impact and a loss of status, economic independence, mobility and social interaction (Hansson and Remondet 1988). For many older women, a combination of physical ill-health, financial insecurity, problems with housing and transport after the death of their spouse, all contribute to the loss and isolation commonly associated with widowhood (Arling 1976; Lopata 1973, 1979). Age too is a significant factor. Bowling and Cartwright (1982) remind us that it is the old who are most likely to face the crisis of widowhood at a time when they may also be adjusting to ill health and infirmity. They suggest that as a result of this, older widows are often apathetic and depressed.

For some older widows, the crisis of widowhood is complicated by an absence of DIY skills and a lack of financial knowledge, areas of married life which were managed by their husbands. In a study by O'Bryant et al (1989), 28% of widows had neither substantial experience nor preparation for handling money prior to their widowhood. Lopata (1973) found that many widows, lacking traditionally male DIY skills, felt taken advantage of by unscrupulous workmen.

Loneliness

Many widows experience pain, grief and loneliness as a result of the loss of a significant other (Lopata 1979). For some, the response will be resilience and adaptation (Jerome 1990) but for others, the loss of their spouse is the loss of their only intimate. Ford and Sinclair (1987:89) interviewed Mrs Hatch, whose life had revolved around her husband and family; she had no independent interests while her husband was alive, preferring to spend her leisure time in their shared love of ballroom dancing. In widowhood 'her loneliness is acute ... the mechanics of life-shopping, doing things 'properly', a set of routines are the ways through the difficult days ... '

It is suggested that most women who find themselves alone and without male companionship after they have lived in partnership, find widowhood very painful and disturbing (Torrie 1975). In a sample of 81 widows, Sable (1989:555), found a considerable degree of loneliness identified. One of her respondents, when asked if her bereavement had changed her, replied: 'Now, I know what fear is.'

A mythology of widowhood

Loss and loneliness are such key features in the literature that it is hardly surprising that widowhood is deemed to be so problematic (Pihlblad and Adams 1972; Lopata 1973, 1987; Atchley 1975; Arling 1976; Bowling and Cartwright 1982; Bankoff 1983; O'Bryant 1988; Babchuk and Anderson 1989; Sable 1989; Rosik 1989). This picture has led to the development of a popular mythology surrounding later life widowhood. Adlersberg and Thorne (1992: 9) confirm this view:

The vast quantity of literature on older widows in our society convincingly portrays widowhood as an experience fraught with poverty, ill health, loneliness, grief and readjustment.

As Lopata (1996: 5) reminds us, the problem with myths is their 'stereotypical nature'. We begin to believe that they apply to all older widows to such an extent that 'widowhood as a problem' becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Hunter and Sundel (1989:21) suggest that myths are dangerous when they result in oversimplified stereotypes that influence personal perceptions, social interaction and social policy.

Our attention is also drawn to the sometimes, contradictory nature of the mythology surrounding widowhood (Lopata 1996). For example, 'older widows suffer more than younger widows' versus 'younger widows suffer more than older widows'; 'widows have close friends' versus 'older widows lose their friends'; 'sudden death is more difficult for the widow' versus 'prolonged death is more difficult for the widow' and so on. This may be something to do with the fact that in current American (and British) society there are no longer any formal rules for behaviour in widowhood; what has developed instead is a contradictory mythology. Lieberman (1994 cited in Lopata 1996:6) develops this further:

Widows are probably one of the most misunderstood groups in America today. As pernicious as they are pervasive, the myths about widowhood are far more harmful than its realities.

He also suggests that Psychiatry and its practitioners have reinforced this problem model by viewing widowhood as a disease which requires either therapy or tranquillisers for recovery. In a later work (Liebermanl996) Lieberman acknowledges that most women, after a period of disruption in their lives during which they express their grief in their own way, experience both change and development.

Challenging the mythology

Adlersberg and Thorne (1992) acknowledge the influence of this pathological model when they embarked on a project that sought to find ways of helping older widows to 'recover'. From the very beginning, their preconceptions were challenged by many of the older women who were referred to them. Rather than being 'in recovery' a number of them saw widowhood as a time of opportunity and freedom. These women also reported that the myths of widowhood got in the way of them openly expressing these views to their families and friends, who expected them to feel sad and have problems. In addition, the women themselves felt they had internalized the myths and consequently felt guilty at reporting feelings of satisfaction and personal growth. Other qualitative research (Martin Matthews 1991; Pickard 1994; Davidson 1999) has started to question some of the prevailing myths of widowho...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half Title
• Title
• Copyright
• Contents
• List of Figures
• Acknowledgements
• 1 Introduction: The Experience of Later Life Widowhood
• 2 Becoming and Being an Older Widow
• 3 The Social World of Older Widows
• 4 Conceptualising and Re-conceptualising Widowhood
• 5 Researching Later Life Widowhood
• 6 Out in the Field
• 7 Twenty Older Widows
• 8 Me, Myself
• 9 History and Me
• 10 Me and My Social World
• 11 Me Now
• 12 Multiple Narratives of Later Life Widowhood
• 13 Reflecting
• 14 Conclusion
• Bibliography
• Index