If You Ask Me

Essential Advice from Eleanor Roosevelt

Eleanor Roosevelt, Mary Jo Binker, Mary Jo Binker

• Publisher: Atria Books
• Year: 2018
• ISBN:
  9781501179815
• Topic: History
• Subtopic: North American History
• Index: History

Experience the "heartwarming, smart, and at times even humorous" ( Woman's World ) wisdom of Eleanor Roosevelt in this annotated collection of the candid advice columns that she wrote for more than twenty years. In 1941, Eleanor Roosevelt embarked on a new career as an advice columnist. She had already transformed the role of first lady with her regular press conferences, her activism on behalf of women, minorities, and youth, her lecture tours, and her syndicated newspaper column. When Ladies Home Journal offered her an advice column, she embraced it as yet another way for her to connect with the public. "If You Ask Me" quickly became a lifeline for Americans of all ages.Over the twenty years that Eleanor wrote her advice column, no question was too trivial and no topic was out of bounds. Practical, warm-hearted, and often witty, Eleanor's answers were so forthright her editors included a disclaimer that her views were not necessarily those of the magazines or the Roosevelt administration. Asked, for example, if she had any Republican friends, she replied, "I hope so." Queried about whether or when she would retire, she said, "I never plan ahead." As for the suggestion that federal or state governments build public bomb shelters, she considered the idea "nonsense." Covering a wide variety of topics—everything from war, peace, and politics to love, marriage, religion, and popular culture—these columns reveal Eleanor Roosevelt's warmth, humanity, and timeless relevance.

Chapter 1

WOMEN AND GENDER

THE THIRTY YEARS between the election of Franklin D. Roosevelt in 1932 and Eleanor Roosevelt’s death in 1962 were a study in contrasts for American women. During the Great Depression, women were often denied jobs because government policy and popular attitudes prioritized male employment. Once America entered World War II in 1941, women were deemed essential labor, and millions of them went to work in defense industries only to be fired once male veterans began returning. In the postwar period, a revived economy and the advent of an expansive consumer culture enabled many white women to enjoy a middle-class standard of living for the first time. Some used this newfound status to build lives as housewives and mothers, roles that popular culture celebrated in the Mad Men era of the 1950s and early ’60s. However, many women—more than a quarter of all females in 1950—also continued to work, thus ensuring that Eleanor’s column would continue to be a forum for questions about work-life balance and other issues related to women’s lives.¹

By virtue of her position, her activism, and her own experience, Eleanor could offer advice for navigating this time of social change and demolish stereotypes of “typical” female behavior. As early as 1933, she had argued, in a book titled It’s Up to the Women, that the modern woman was a worker capable of combining a job with marriage and motherhood. In her view, a woman ought “to be able to do something which expresses her own personality even though she may be a wife and mother.” She never deviated from that position. To the very end of her life, Eleanor actively encouraged women to work, enter politics, and engage with the outside world. In fact, her last official duty was to chair the President’s Commission on the Status of Women, which reviewed women’s progress in all sectors of American life and made recommendations for “constructive action” in such areas as employment; legislation; political, civil, and property rights; and family relations. The group’s final report, issued after her death, reflected her concern for equal opportunity, equal pay, and expanded opportunities for women.²

Although she did not live to see the rise of the modern women’s movement, Eleanor’s fingerprints are all over it. The work she and her allies did between 1920 and 1962 laid the political, economic, and social groundwork that later generations would use as a launchpad for efforts such as Title IX and Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaigns. Echoes of her insistence on a woman’s right to make her own choices are also apparent in the “leaning in” and “having it all” movements.

While Eleanor celebrated the gains women had made and looked forward to their continued progress, she understood that the quest for equality was far from over. “The battle for the individual rights of women is one of long standing,” she wrote in 1941, “and none of us should countenance anything which undermines it.” In a culture where women still struggle to be heard and where issues such as pay inequality, domestic violence, and sexual harassment dominate the news cycle, that insight resonates as powerfully as her suggestion that women use the accomplishments of their forebears as an impetus to “go out and work harder.”³

Do you think equal pay to women who fill men’s jobs is economically justified?

Certainly. If women do the same work I have always believed that they should receive the same pay. [MARCH 1944]

What can be done to help saleswomen to obtain a living wage?

The only thing that can be done to help any workers to obtain proper working conditions and to get better wages is to organize. Only the strength of an organization of workers can bring about any changes. [JUNE 1944]

Which do you think is the harder—working in an office all day or doing the housework for a family?

Doing housework for a family. Usually work in the office is centered about a particular job that needs to be done, and when it is done it is over for the day. The housework for the family, however, may start when the youngest member of the family wakes up and it goes on through the vicissitudes of the day until late into the night. [NOVEMBER 1945]

Women need more time to be women, not merely cogs in the machinery of the business world. Why don’t more employers use double shifts or something that will make it possible for more women to work part-time?

I am afraid if women want to be considered on a par with men in the business world they must work a man’s hours and find time for their own interests in their spare time. Part-time shifts in most businesses are very difficult and not as efficient as full-time work. However, where there is a possibility of giving part-time work it should be arranged so it does not hurt the work to be done, and where women need part-time work because of home duties it should be available. [OCTOBER 1949]

It seems to me that women who hold jobs outside the home should be allowed income-tax deductions for domestic help they would not otherwise employ. What is your opinion of this?

I do not see why women who work outside the home should be allowed to deduct the cost of domestic help any more than men who employ domestic help in their homes are allowed to deduct the wages from their income tax. If a woman wants to hold a job outside of the home, she does it on exactly the same basis as a man, and should take the same deductions on her business expenses as he does. If she has help for reasons that are connected with her business, such as entertainment, she can legitimately, I imagine, show the connection and make a deduction. But what deductions she makes should be on that basis and not on the basis of “I want to work and therefore need help in my home.” [MARCH 1951]

Eleanor Roosevelt’s views on deductions changed particularly with regard to working mothers, who by the end of the 1950s were a third of the female workforce. Two years after she answered the question below, Eleanor described the rule against working mothers deducting the cost of a “home worker” as “unrealistic and unfair.”⁴

Don’t you think a working mother should be allowed to deduct the salary of a housekeeper from her income tax?

Yes, I do. The working mother must have someone to stay with her children and to take the burden of the house from her shoulders. It is certainly a part of her business to have someone in her house to help her, so it would seem to me a legitimate deduction from her income tax. [MARCH 1959]

Although she had long fought for women’s rights, Eleanor Roosevelt was ambivalent about the effort to ratify an Equal Rights Amendment. Based on her experience with the women’s labor movement in the 1920s, ’30s, and ’40s, she believed ratification of such an amendment would adversely affect hard-won protections for women working in industry by invalidating protective legislation that among other things set maximum working hours and exempted them from jobs then considered too dangerous for them. As her answer below indicates, she believed it would be more productive to concentrate on repealing state laws limiting women’s rights and activities because “it is usually the state laws that really affect their lives.” However, the movement of women into male-dominated trade unions during and after World War II combined with her work with the U.N. Human Rights Commission and the U.N.’s Commission on the Status of Women did make her rethink her position. Still, she never fully endorsed the Equal Rights Amendment.⁵

I know that you used to be against the Equal Rights Amendment. Since its form has changed somewhat, and since various organizations have changed their minds in regard to it, I am wondering what your present opinion is. If you are now for the amendment what are your reasons?

I have always felt that the Equal Rights Amendment was unnecessary and that, if we put half the work which has to be expended on getting an amendment to the Constitution into amending the state laws which are really objectionable as they concern women in our various states, we would be better off and further ahead than we are now. I objected to the Equal Rights Amendment at first because of its effect on women in industry, particularly the unorganized women in industry. I am not sure that I think even now there is sufficient organization among the working women to make it possible to do away with all protective legislation for women. For that reason I think I would still prefer to see us give our energies to the removal from the statute books of really harmful legislation which handicaps women. However, if the majority of women in the country decide that they desire an Equal Rights Amendment of course all of us will accept it, since we all believe, in this country, in majority rule. [JUNE 1949]

Don’t you think we should have a law protecting the victims of sex crimes from the publicity they receive when they report these crimes to the police?

I think there should be a law to protect anyone who does not wish to be given publicity. [JULY 1952]

Have you ever said to yourself, “If only I were a man”? Or are you quite content with being a woman?

No, I have never wanted to be a man. I have often wanted to be more effective as a woman, but I have never felt that trousers would do the trick! [OCTOBER 1941]

Men frequently claim that women show little loyalty between themselves, have practically no sense of sex solidarity. What do you think about this?

I do not think you can talk about sex solidarity in women any more than you can in men. Both men and women will stand up for each other at times, and both men and women are sometimes disloyal to each other, but I do not think women are apt to be any more disloyal to other women than men are to other men. It is the person and not the sex which counts. [JANUARY 1942]

Generally speaking, do you think women are less truthful than men?

No. Women are quite as truthful as men, sometimes even more so. [JANUARY 1942]

Do you think women have as much sense of humor as men?

A sense of humor is purely personal and has nothing to do with sex. I have known men with no sense of humor and I have known women with none. Both men and women can have a keen sense of humor and both can have none.

Sometimes I think that women are more apt to have a greater sense of fun because they have traditionally adapted themselves to the mood of the people they are with and therefore reflect the atmosphere around them more quickly than do men. [JULY 1944]

What do you think is American women’s commonest fault? American men’s?

I am surprised that you should even suggest that the American woman has any faults; but since you do suggest it, I think perhaps it is their inability to take criticism and use it to the best advantage. This is a fault shared by both men and women very frequently. [OCTOBER 1941]

A very intelligent man I know complains that women now spend most of this country’s money, and by the end of the war they will have all the jobs and men will have no chance at all. Do you think there is any truth in this?

I think it is complete nonsense. If men go around, however, talking like that they will create a psychology which will bring about the very thing they wish to prevent. [JUNE 1942]

What do you consider the most unattractive characteristic of a woman’s manner in social activities—loquaciousness, reticence, aloofness, insincere enthusiasm, cattiness, and so on?

I consider the most unattractive characteristic anyone can have, man or woman, is the kind of selfishness or lack of consideration which leads to all the other things you have mentioned. One of the very important social attributes of a woman is that she be interested in other people more than in herself. [MARCH 1945]

Since American women spend so much of their time in business and politics, what can be done to keep them out of the taverns? Do you think if taverns were licensed to sell spiritous liquors only, and if tables and chairs for women and soft drinks and all food and music were banned in taverns, it would do any good?

I haven’t the faintest idea. Women nearly always go where men go. In the long run, it seems to me, the important thing is to make whatever place people go to a decent place in which to be. [FEBRUARY 1946]

What do you consider the best years of a woman’s life?

I do not really know what are the best years of a woman’s life, because it depends so much on how she develops. If she is able...