Our Lady of Blundellsands

Jonathan Harvey

• Publisher: Methuen Drama
• Year: 2020
• Print ISBN: 9781350181748
• eBook ISBN: 9781350181762
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Media & Performing Arts
• Subtopic: British Drama

It's no secret that Sylvie is unravelling. Frozen in time in her Blundellsands house, she inhabits a fantasy world that never was. Garnet, her sister, is older and wiser – and wearier, with her shopping lists and tired love. She's always fanned the flames of Sylvie's fantasies. Because if she didn't… who knows where they'd both end up?

But now the whole family's up in Liverpool for a birthday, and Garnet's got a secret of her own to pass on. There'll be a party… but it's not going to be pretty.

Welcome to a family more messed up than your own.

Our Lady of Blundellsands

Characters

Sylvie, a fading beauty at 60 – though she doesn’t look it – who has retreated into a fantasy world as she finds real life so challenging. Wine helps. We’re not sure where she’s from. It’s like she’s landed from another planet, another age. Although she’s Mickey-Joe’s mother she looks more like his slightly older sister.

Garnet, Sylvie’s steely older sister, the practical one at 65. Helped to raise Sylvie’s sons. Happy to feed Sylvie’s fantasies to keep the status quo. Originally from the Midlands, she and Sylvie’s accents have been erased.

Mickey-Joe, Sylvie’s elder son. 46. Looks older. A moderately successful drag queen on the South Coast, who goes by the name of Crystal Fist.

Frankie, Mickey-Joe’s partner. 38. Black or mixed race. From Essex. Originally a fan of Crystal. Now her manager.

Lee Lee, Sylvie’s younger son, 26.

Alyssa, Lee Lee’s girlfriend, 20s.

The play is set in Blundellsands, Liverpool, 2020.

Although Mickey-Joe and Lee Lee’s accents are Liverpool, having been raised there, Garnet and Sylvie are more RP having been privately educated away and only moving to Merseyside later. Sylvie might have her own unique accent. Sometimes American, sometimes RP sometimes a soft Birmingham, depending on her mood. It should all add to that element in the play where we’re not sure what is real and what is fantasy.

Act One

Scene One

Mersey View

A modest 1960s or 1970s house overlooking the sea. A living room. A kitchen. A door that opens to a hallway which leads to another room. A staircase leading to the bedrooms and bathroom. A front door off the living room opens straight out a path and bit of garden. We should feel like we’re floating. There is nothing ordinary about the furnishings. Everything is slightly too big for the space, moved from a grander house many moons ago. A dining table and chairs. A couch and coffee table. The couch is covered in books, magazines, bills next to an ashtray and a space – someone has been sitting there until recently. There may be some taxidermy dotted here and there. Photos in frames of people we can’t make out. On the coffee table sits a record player with microphone beside it. A home made radio station that broadcasts via speakers throughout the house. As the lights come up a record is playing on the record player. It’s Painter Man by Boney M.

Sylvie comes down the stairs from her bedroom. She wears old Ugg boots and a kimono. She is carrying a clutch of LPs, a glass of wine, and has a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. She comes to the sofa and sits, throwing the records on the sofa beside her. She slips the cigarette into an ashtray, leaving it to burn. She turns the sound down on the record, speaking into the microphone. As she speaks she takes the record from the player and prepares another to play.

SylvieJust. . . sifting through my fan mail there. (Sighs.) You know. A lot of you lovely people take the time to write in and I do try and get back to each and every one of you but so often . . . the clock gets the better of me. So many of you remember my little time in the sun. And ask . . . would I ever resurrect my famous song and dance . . . that so many of you recall with such fondness. Well my answer to that is . . . Never say never! Maybe I’ll . . . dust it down for a charity event or village fête sometime soon. We’ll see. The Girl from Z Cars. Whither didst she go? Well she’s here. And she’s talking to you. And she’s saying that that was of course Boney M and Painter Man . . . and it barely needs pointing out that it was the walk down music for Miss New Brighton Bathing Girl Pageant 1978. Some very happy memories for me right there. Now. It’s five to eleven, I’ve got a coffee on the go and we’re gonna shift the mood down a little because . . .

She takes a sip of her wine and checks the next record through a magnifying glass.

SylvieTaking us up to the news, it’s the space age siren with the racy robot Romeo. You guessed it folks – say hello to Dee D. Jackson and Automatic Lover.

She puts it on to play then takes a drag of her cigarette before stubbing it out. As she does Garnet enters from outside laden down with bag...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Contents
• Thank you
• Cast
• Company
• With thanks to
• Our Lady of Blundellsands
• eCopyright