Girl Least Likely To

30 years of fashion, fasting and Fleet Street

Liz Jones

• Publisher: Simon & Schuster UK
• Year: 2013
• Print ISBN:
  9781471101960
• eBook ISBN:
  9781471101977

Liz Jones is Fashion Editor of the Daily Mail, and a columnist for the Mail on Sunday. She is the former editor of Marie Claire, which sounds quite an achievement, but she was sacked three years in. A psychotherapist once told her, 'What you brood on will hatch', and she was right. Nothing Liz ever did in life ever worked out. Nothing. Not one single thing.

Liz grew up in Essex, the youngest of seven children. Her mother was a martyr, her dad so dashing that no other man could ever live up to his pressed and polished standards. Her siblings terrified her, with their Afghan coats, cigarettes, parties, sex and drugs. They made her father shout, and her mother cry.

Liz became an anorexic aged eleven, an illness that continues to blight her life today. She remained a virgin until her thirties, and even then found the wait wasn't really worth it; it was just one more thing to add to her to do list. She was named Columnist of the Year 2012 by the British Society of Magazine Editors, but is still too frightened to answer the phone, too filled with disgust at her own image to glance in the mirror or eat a whole avocado.

She lives alone with her four rescued collies, three horses and seventeen cats. Girl Least Likely Tois the opposite of 'having it all'. It is a life lesson in how NOT to be a woman.

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half-title page
• Title page
• Copyright page
• Dedication page
• Contents
• About the author
• Introduction: ‘I’m getting better. Thank you’
• 1 I’m either a plate or a boy
• 2 The floral needlecord years
• 3 ‘Please excuse Lizzie, she has a persistent verruca’
• 4 I’m singing, ‘Look at that ’at!’ in old lady make-up
• 5 ‘You have really bad skin’
• 6 Pluck, jog, ex, tan
• 7 ‘Pinewood Studios have burnt down? Oh no! All those trees!’
• 8 ‘The Queen Mum is NOT in hospital’
• 9 ‘Don’t introduce any errors’
• 10 ‘Victoria Beckham, Ooo eeez she?’
• 11 ‘Come on, Old Lady! Mind that hip!’
• 12 ‘You’re going to leave your house to a cat home!’
• 13 Quack, Quack. Get out of town!
• Epilogue
• Acknowledgements
• List of Illustrations