ACT ONE
Scene One
The kitchen of KRISTIN’s cottage. Impressive, chaotic, eclectic – like its owner. Full of interesting and beautiful objects. The space is dominated by a large dining table.
KRISTIN is standing on one side of the room, PETER and TRUDI are on the other side, by the door. They have just arrived. They have two bags with them – an overnight travel bag and a large plastic one.
PETER. Mother.
KRISTIN. Darling.
PETER. We’re early.
KRISTIN. You are.
PETER. No traffic.
KRISTIN. It’s fine.
PETER. And Trudi wanted to see it before the sun went down.
KRISTIN. Did she?
TRUDI. The countryside is so beautiful.
KRISTIN. As long as you don’t mind me in my dressing gown.
Pause. PETER and TRUDI put the bags down.
PETER. Mum, this is Trudi.
KRISTIN. Hello, Trudi.
TRUDI. Hi, Mrs Miller.
KRISTIN. Kristin.
TRUDI. Kristin.
KRISTIN. Welcome to my house.
TRUDI. I’ve heard so much about you.
KRISTIN. Have you?
TRUDI. And I’ve read your work.
KRISTIN. What a pretty name you have, Trudi.
TRUDI. Thank you.
KRISTIN. It’s so American.
TRUDI. I know.
KRISTIN. Like Disneyland.
TRUDI. Yes.
KRISTIN. Or Coca-Cola.
A slight pause.
We have a bit of a crisis on our hands.
PETER. What kind of crisis?
KRISTIN. I need you to look at the oven.
PETER. The oven?
KRISTIN. It just doesn’t feel to me like it’s getting hot enough.
PETER. Have you got something in there now?
KRISTIN. Chicken.
TRUDI. Okay.
PETER. I thought I told you Trudi was a vegetarian.
KRISTIN. There’s potatoes. And vegetables, of course.
TRUDI. I love potatoes.
KRISTIN. But I can’t remember you telling me she was a vegetarian.
TRUDI. Really, Kristin, it’s fine.
PETER opens the oven.
PETER. It’s not that hot.
KRISTIN. And I’ve put it on full.
PETER. What time is it?
TRUDI. Just turned six.
KRISTIN. I mean, we won’t be eating for at least another hour so maybe –
PETER. It doesn’t feel that hot in there.
KRISTIN. Can you look at it?
PETER. Look at it?
KRISTIN. I mean, check the electrics, that kind of thing. Might be a switch.
PETER. It’s not a switch, and no, I can’t look at it. I mean, I wouldn’t know where to start. You need an electrician.
KRISTIN. The irony of it. I mean, tonight of all bloody nights. I wanted everything to be –
PETER. What’s your contingency plan?
KRISTIN. Contingency plan?
PETER. I mean, if it doesn’t get any hotter. Pasta, or something?
KRISTIN. The hobs seem to have gone as well. I tried them earlier. I was thinking I could poach it or something. As a last resort. Cut it up and fry it.
PETER. Fry the chicken?
KRISTIN. But the hobs seem to have gone as well. The whole damn thing.
PETER. So what do we do?
KRISTIN. I could drive it over to Phil and Lou’s. Borrow their oven.
PETER. That’s twenty miles away.
KRISTIN. I know.
PETER. You can’t be driving up and down the motorway with a chicken in the back seat.
KRISTIN. Or we could just have a cold meal. I’m sure I could be inventive. Forage for food in the cupboards, you know. Look for things.
PETER. Look for things?
KRISTIN (looking in the cupboard). There’s anchovies, nuts.
PETER. Nuts?
KRISTIN. I have a cos lettuce in the fridge.
PETER. We’re not bloody squirrels.
KRISTIN. Make a salad, you know.
PETER. Anchovy nut salad?
KRISTIN. Be inventive is what I mean.
TRUDI. I love salads.
KRISTIN. It’s still early. It’ll probably warm up.
PETER. Unlikely.
KRISTIN. We won’t be eating for another hour.
PETER. It’s broken.
KRISTIN. So in the meantime let’s just try and be positive, shall we?
PETER. We’ll try.
KRISTIN. And I’m sure you didn’t tell me Trudi was a vegetarian.
PETER. My version of events against yours.
A slightly awkward pause.
KRISTIN. I was just about to have some tea.
PETER. Okay.
KRISTIN. But I think, under the circumstances, a glass of wine would be more appropriate.
TRUDI. That would be lovely.
KRISTIN. Good.
PETER. I’ll do it.
PETER gets three glasses out of a cupboard and a bottle of wine out of the fridge. It is already uncorked – maybe KRISTIN has had a glass before they arrived.
TRUDI (remembering). Oh, happy birthday.
PETER. Of course.
KRISTIN. Thank you.
TRUDI. Shall we…?
PETER. What?
TRUDI. You know…
PETER. Oh.
TRUDI. Should we…?
PETER. Oh, that.
TRUDI. We’ve brought you something.
PETER. Maybe we should wait.
TRUDI. Or you could open it now.
She opens the plastic bag she’s brought with her and takes out quite a large, strangely shaped object which is wrapped in paper.
KRISTIN. My goodness.
TRUDI. Happy birthday.
KRISTIN. Well, it isn’t a book.
TRUDI. It’s from somewhere far away.
KRISTIN. How exciting.
TRUDI. I hope you like it.
KRISTIN. Shall I open it now?
PETER. Go on then.
KRISTIN. All right.
She starts to unwrap it. PETER has poured the three glasses of wine.
TRUDI. We kind of chose it together.
PETER. Trudi chose it.
TRUDI. I thought it was very, very beautiful.
PETER. She sort of fell in love with it.
TRUDI. And I said to Peter, ‘Maybe your mother will love it too.’ I knew it was kind of risky but –
PETER. But we took the chance.
TRUDI. And we really hope you like it.
KRISTIN has taken the paper off and the object is revealed – an African tribal mask. It is beautiful and disturbing the way these masks can often be – it has an exaggerated long face and a very broad forehead. ...