Stones in His Pockets & A Night in November: Two Plays

Two Plays

Marie Jones

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2014
• Print ISBN: 9781854594945
• eBook ISBN: 9781780011479
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

Two plays by award-winning playwright Marie Jones: the smash hit Stones in His Pockets, which ran for four years in London's West End; and an earlier monologue, A Night in November, exploring the subjects of football and sectarianism, set during the 1994 World Cup.

Stones in His Pockets is a comedy with a poignant undercurrent, about a small rural town in Ireland where a Hollywood epic is being filmed. The story centres on Charlie Conlon and Jake Quinn, who, like much of the town, are employed as extras for the filming. After a tragic incident concerning a local teenager, Charlie and Jake assume responsibility for giving an account of events, taking on all the roles themselves.

A two-hander that delights in exploring the limits of comedy and theatricality, and the collision of romanticised notions of 'Irishness' and the harsher reality, Stones in His Pockets has delighted audiences around the world.

Marie Jones's play was first staged at the Lyric Theatre in Belfast in June 1999 before opening at the Tricycle Theatre, London, in August 1999. It transferred to the New Ambassadors Theatre, London, in May 2000.

Stones in His Pockets won the 2001 Olivier Award for Best New Comedy.

A Night in November is a one-man show following Kenneth McCallister, family man and Ulsterman, on the fateful night in November in Belfast when the Republic of Ireland qualifies against Northern Ireland for the World Cup, and Kenneth finds himself watching the sectarian hatred of the crowd rather than the football.

A Night in November was first performed at The West Belfast Festival, Whiterock, Belfast, in August 1994, then toured extensively throughout Ireland, and was also seen in New York. It was staged in London at the Tricycle Theatre in March 1995.

Characters

CHARLIE CONLON, mid-thirties

JAKE QUINN, mid-thirties

CHARLIE and JAKE play all the other characters in the play:

SIMON, first A.D. (Ambitious Dublin-4 type)

AISLING, third A.D., young, pretty, anxious to impress those above her, no interest in those beneath

MICKEY, a local in his seventies, was an extra in The Quiet Man

CLEM, the director, English, quiet nature, not much understanding of the local community

SEAN, a young local lad

FIN, a young local, Sean’s friend

CAROLINE GIOVANNI, American star

JOHN, accent coach

BROTHER GERARD, local teacher

DAVE, a crew member, Cockney

JOCK CAMPBELL, Caroline’s security man, Scottish

MR HARKIN, Sean’s father

INTERVIEWER

Setting

A scenic spot near a small village in Co. Kerry

ACT ONE

CHARLIE stands front stage as if queuing up at a catering truck.

JAKE is lounging in the sun.

CHARLIE. I’ll have the lemon meringue pie please . . . I know I was up before but it’s not for me . . . it’s for my mate . . . yes he is, he is an extra I swear . . . he can’t come and get it himself because he has just sprained his ankle . . . okay . . . (To MAN behind him.) don’t shuv there’s plenty left . . . (To CATERER.) An accident report sheet? . . . he only went over on it, it’s not life threatening . . . no he doesn’t want a full dinner, he only wants the sweet . . . (To MAN behind him.) I know we are only meant to have one helping but it’s not for me . . . (To CATERER.) Look, I don’t know why he can eat a sweet and not his dinner if he’s sick, what am I, a doctor or something . . . the fella asked me to go and get him a helping of lemon meringue pie . . . fine fine . . . No problem. (Walks away.)

Jesus Christ, the Spanish Inquisition to get a bloody pudding.

JAKE. They’ve got wise to the extras . . . first couple of days ones were bringing their families down and feeding them too . . . (Laughs.) My mate has sprained his ankle . . . not very good was it . . . have you Ballycastle men no imagination . . .

CHARLIE. How do you know I am from Ballycastle?

JAKE. You were in the pub last night talking to a few of the locals . . . small town, word gets round . . . Jake Quinn . . . how are you doin’, Charlie.

CHARLIE. What is this, the caterer gettin’ on like he was trained by the RUC and you by the Special Branch . . . no fear of gettin’ homesick anyway.

JAKE. How did you end up here?

CHARLIE (furtively looks around him). You mean you don’t know . . . was there a breakdown in intelligence?

JAKE. You’re very jumpy.

CHARLIE. Have to be, man . . . I’m on the run.

SIMON. Aisling, get this lot back to work. Use a cattle prod if you have to. What about these catering vans?

AISLING. Just moving them now, Simon. Thank you. (Gesturing to vehicles.)

SIMON. I’m going to get Miss Giovanni from her Winnebago now.

AISLING. Quiet everyone, settle . . . please finish your lunch quickly before we lose the light . . . the next shot is a closeup on Maeve reacting to you . . . then we will turn the camera and have you reacting to Maeve . . . remember what you are reacting to . . . Maeve is telling you she will plead your case to her father . . . remember your positions exactly and those of you who were wearing caps . . . please put them on.

CHARLIE (to JAKE). Was I wearing a cap, I can’t remember.

JAKE (smirks). So you’re on the run then.

CHARLIE. Keep your voice down.

JAKE. On the run.

CHARLIE. Aye.

JAKE. On the run from who?

CHARLIE. The Boys . . . understand.

JAKE. Jesus . . . no messin’.

CHARLIE. Aye they weren’t bad though, they give me a head start . . . they says, Charlie, we will close our eyes and count to twenty and you run like the hammers . . . I thought that it was very dacent.

JAKE (to CHARLIE). You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to . . . only making conversation.

CHARLIE. Aye, sorry mate, it was the lemon meringue pie interrogation that got to me . . . well I am on the run, sort of . . . had a video shop that went bust . . . them Extra Vision bastards . . . I never heard one person in Ballycastle complain to me before them hures opened up . . . you know . . . if a video was out, the customers would take something else, no problem . . . the big boys move in and gullible Charlie here thinks . . . my customers are loyal.

JAKE. Look out, here she comes . . . You were just in front of me beside oul Mickey and you had your hat on.

CHARLIE. Sure it doesn’t matter.

MICKEY. Oh it will surely matter, they will check thon Polaroid and see for sure who was wearing what and you don’t want to be gettin’ yourself in trouble with your one with the yoke on her ear . . . you have to keep your nose clean for thon one has a gob on her that would turn milk.

CHARLIE (puts his cap on). Happy now, Mickey?

MICKEY. Not me, fella, I’m only warning you, if you don’t want to be replaced you do as you’re bid . . . just say nothin’ and you will be forty quid a day the wiser, that’s my motto, Jake.

JAKE. Aye right, Mickey.

CHARLIE. Right pain in the ass.

JAKE (to CHARLIE). My mother’s third cousin. Do you know that man’s famous. He’s the last surviving extra on The Quiet Man . . . but don’t get him started. Where were we . . . aye, the Extra Vision hures.

CHARLIE. Aye . . . I says to myself . . . they won’t desert me . . . my customers won’t desert me . . . I am one of them, support your own and all that . . . fuck was I wrong . . . (Mimics them.) Charlie, you have to have more than two copies of a video, Extra Vision has loads . . . Charlie you want to see the range Extra Vision has . . . then they stopped saying anything ’cos they just stopped coming . . . so I got up one morning, . . . all my plans for the future in a heap of outof-date movies . . . I couldn’t start all over again . . . started all over again so many times I’ve lost count . . . this time I just couldn’t do it . . . so I closed the door on the shop . . . videos still on the shelves, nothing touched . . . threw the tent in the boot and decided to do Ireland . . . what about you?

JAKE. Well I can’t follow that.

CHARLIE. Ah don’t mind me . . . just thought I would get it all out at once, save the locals making it up for me . . . oh and the other thing, my girlfriend dumped me too . . . talk about kicking a man when he is on the floor . . . and you’ll not believe this.

JAKE. She is going out with the manager of Extra Vision.

CHARLIE. How did you know?

JAKE. You told the story last night in the pub to a second cousin of mine.

CHARLIE. Jesus, that’s me and gin . . . bad combo . . . any way, the place is coming down with Hollywood stars . . . it’s a who’s who of who’s bonked who, and me, Charlie Conlon, is a topic of conversation . . .

JAKE. We are used to that lot . . . it’s outsiders coming in and takin...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Contents
• Stones in His Pockets
• Original Production
• Characters and Setting
• A Night in November
• Original Production
• About the Author
• Copyright and Performing Rights Information