ACT TWO
Scene Eight
ALEX and SIMON stand opposite looking at each other. His bags on the floor.
ALEX. Do you like music?
SIMON. Of course.
ALEX. What kind of music do you like?
SIMON. Hip hop.
ALEX. Do you?
SIMON. Do you?
ALEX. Not really. I like alternative stuff, indie stuff, you know, stuff outside the mainstream, unusual stuff like⦠I donāt know, just⦠it doesnāt really matter. Yeah, I like some hip hop, I suppose.
SIMON. 50 Cent?
ALEX. No, not 50 Cent.
SIMON. Lil Wayne?
ALEX. No, not really, no. I mean, I donāt really like that kind of hip hop, not really. I donāt ā
SIMON. Celine Dion?
ALEX laughs. SIMON looks at her.
ALEX. Did you eat on the plane?
SIMON. Yes.
Beat.
ALEX. What did you have?
SIMON. Beef in the juice of tomatoes.
ALEX. Was it nice?
SIMON. Yes.
ALEX. What else did you have?
SIMON. Rice.
ALEX. And for pudding?
SIMON. Pudding?
ALEX. Dessert.
SIMON. A pastry.
ALEX. Did you like it?
SIMON. Yes.
Beat.
ALEX. Did you sleep at all?
SIMON. Yes.
ALEX. Good.
Beat.
I never sleep on planes. Itās so uncomfortable. It always smells funny. I think itās all the farting. You know, because of the high altitude, everyone⦠you knowā¦
Pause.
Do you want something else? To eat?
SIMON. Thank you, no.
Pause.
ALEX. When I went to Russia, we were given peas and mashed potato for our meal. That was it.
SIMON. It sounds very delicious.
ALEX. No, it wasnāt⦠I meanā¦
Beat.
Shall I show you to your room?
SIMON. No, thank you.
Pause. He looks at her. The door slams.
JOSEPH (shouting from outside). Oi-oi! Got some supplies for our guest from Africa! Africa! (Kicks open the door.) Give us a hand, you lazy⦠(Sees SIMON.) Oh God, sorry, I didnāt realise⦠I thought you were going to call from the airport⦠I thoughtā¦
SIMON (offers his hand). It is a pleasure to meet you.
JOSEPH. Right, yes, and you ā (Tries to hold his hand out, but canāt.) Hold on, let me get rid of this lot.
He struggles to puts the bags down. SIMON and ALEX stand awkwardly in silence.
(Offers his hand.) Hi, Simon, Iām Joseph, Alexās dad.
SIMON. Yes, it is wonderful to meet you and thank you for inviting me.
JOSEPH. No, no, the pleasure is all ours.
SIMON. It is a great honour to be welcomed into your home.
JOSEPH. Yes, well, okay, thank you for coming.
SIMON. Thank you for the invitation.
JOSEPH. Right, okay, soā¦
Beat.
Have you had a drink? Has my daughter offered you a drink?
SIMON (indicating water). Yes, thank you.
JOSEPH. And how was the flight?
SIMON. Very comfortable, thank you.
Pause.
JOSEPH. And youāve met Alex.
SIMON. Yes.
Pause.
JOSEPH. What did you eat on the plane?
Beat.
SIMON. Beef in juice of a tomato and rice. And a pastry. It was very enjoyable.
Beat.
JOSEPH (to ALEX). Remember when we went to Moscow? We had ā
ALEX. I told him.
SIMON. Delicious.
Pause.
JOSEPH. How did you get from the airport?
SIMON. The train and two buses.
JOSEPH. I wouldāve picked you up. I said in the email that Iād pick you up.
SIMON. It was no trouble.
JOSEPH. You should have called.
SIMON. It was no trouble.
JOSEPH. But still, if youād ā
ALEX. Dad.
Pause.
JOSEPH. How did you know which buses to get?
SIMON. I asked the people at the bus stop and the bus officer.
JOSEPH. The bus officer?
SIMON. Yes.
Pause. SIMON stares at ALEX.
JOSEPH. Right, well, shall we show to your room?
SIMON. No, thank you.
JOSEPH. What about some food?
SIMON. No, thank you.
JOSEPH. We could go out. Letās do that.
SIMON. No, thank you.
JOSEPH. God, no, sorry, of course, you probably want to rest or shower or something. How long was the flight?
Beat. SIMON stares at ALEX. ALEX looks at JOSEPH.
SIMON (staring at ALEX). It was seven hours.
JOSEPH. Right and did you have to change?
Beat. SIMON stares at ALEX. ALEX looks at JOSEPH.
SIMON (staring at ALEX). At Brussels.
JOSEPH. Yeah, of course. Bloody Belgians. It was all their fault in the first place, wasnāt it? The⦠you know, colonising Rwanda and all that, bloody bastards. Good chocolate though, Belgium chocolate, bloody good chocolate. Fucking good chocolate actually. And the waffles. The waffles are really terrific too.
Pause. SIMON looks at ALEX. A long time.
ALEX starts giggling.
ALEX (giggling). Iām sorry. This is so weird. This is so ā
JOSEPH. Alexā¦
ALEX. Sorry.
She stops. She looks at SIMON.
(To JOSEPH.) Do you think we loo...