Nell Gwynn

Jessica Swale

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2016
• Print ISBN: 9781848425590
• eBook ISBN: 9781780016627
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

London, 1660. King Charles II has exploded onto the scene with a love of all things loud, extravagant and sexy. And at Drury Lane, a young Nell Gwynn is causing stirrings amongst the theatregoers.

Nell Gwynn charts the rise of an unlikely heroine, from her roots in Coal Yard Alley to her success as Britain's most celebrated actress, and her hard-won place in the heart of the King. But at a time when women are second-class citizens, can her charm and spirit protect her from the dangers of the Court?

Jessica Swale's exhilarating take on the heady world of Restoration theatre premiered at Shakespeare's Globe, London, in September 2015, before transferring to the West End in February 2016, starring Gemma Arterton. It won the Olivier Award for Best New Comedy in 2016.

ACT ONE

Scene One

Prologue

Fanfare. The play is about to begin! The doors open and the young actor NED SPIGGETT steps out onto the stage to speak the prologue of John Dryden’s new play.

NED. ‘’Tis said that you, the judges of the town,

Would pass a vote to put all prologues down.

For who can show me, since they first were writ,

They e’er converted one hard-hearted nit.’

(Realising his mistake.) Wit. Wit!

NED tries to carry on, but he’s thrown. He continues awkwardly.

‘Yet London’s mended well; in former days

Good prologues were as scarce as now good plays.

Our poet hopes / you – ’

HECKLER 1. Can’t hear you!

NED (a little louder). ‘Our poet hopes you ladies will not find

His rhyme and prose to be so ill designed.

Or contemplate that, once the prologue’s done;

The wit is ended…’ Um, sorry. (He’s dried.)

‘The wit…’

HECKLER 2. Oh no.

NED. ‘Wit is ended…’

He subtly checks the lines he has written on his hand.

‘ – Ere the play’s begun!’

HECKLER 3. He’s got it written on his hand!

HECKLER 1. Cheat!

NELL (in the audience). Let him alone! (To NED.) I want to hear the play.

NED. Thank you.

Meanwhile, an actor enters surreptitiously, dressed as an astrologer, carrying a telescope, his face covered by his hood.

‘So to the heavens must we cast our gaze.’

HECKLER 1. Hey! Blockhead, make us laugh.

NELL (to the HECKLER). You want a laugh? Why don’t you look in a glass?

HECKLER 1. Enough of your cheek.

NELL. Don’t think you’ve ever seen my cheeks, sir.

HECKLER 1. Everybody else has.

NELL. Every fellow that could afford them, sir. Not you.

NED. Um… shall I carry on?

NELL. Yes, you carry on. (To the HECKLER.) Let him play his part. (To NED and the crowd.) He’s just jealous cos no one’s played on his part for a while.

HECKLER 1. Think you’re so quick, don’t ya?

NELL. Not as quick as you, sir. So your good wife says.

Laughter from the audience.

NED. Ladies and gentlemen, the lady’s a wit!

HECKLER 1. She’s an orange hawker! Fool! Have done, woman, we’ve all had enough of your fruit.

He throws an orange at NED, which lands on the stage. NELL GWYNN decides, against all convention, to walk onto the stage to retrieve it.

NELL. I am an orange hawker, sir. So thank you for the compliment – and for the return of my stock. But I think you’ll find that you are the fool. You paid me a sixpence for this. And now I have it back. So you are left with nowt, while I just doubled my profits.

She puts it back in her basket.

Carry on.

NED. Where was I?

NELL. Gazing at the heavens.

NED. Ah, yes.

‘So to the heavens must we cast our gaze,

To peer upon the fortune of our plays.’

He takes a bow. Spooky music. The disguised actor pulls

down his hood to reveal CHARLES HART, the most

popular actor of his day. Rapturous applause.

HART. Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. And thank you, Miss…

NELL. Gwynn. Nell Gwynn.

HART. Miss Gwynn, thank you for the prologue to the prologue. Now, onwards. What secrets do the heavenly bodies hold?

HART strikes an attitude and peers through the telescope.

‘Aha! First Jupiter o’er Saturn is to reign,

And in ascendance bears the sign of Spain!

Whence I conclude, it is our author’s lot

To be endangered by a Spanish plot! (Boo!)

But hold! Now Mars in his apartment rises

Perchance this English wit may yet surprise us.

And though he can’t the heav’nly bodies steer

Perhaps his friends on earth may raise a cheer.’

Music. The COMPANY arrive and burst into song as the

play’s opening number begins.

Song – ‘A Brimmer to the King’

ALL (singing).

Come boys, fill us a bumper,

We’ll make the nation cheer.

Bang the drum and the thumper,

The days of joy are here.

Sing, for London is merry,

Let no man balk his wine,

We’ll sink the sack of canary

To toast the King divine.

CHORUS

Fill the pottles and gallons

And bring the hogshead in.

We’ll begin with a tallen

And a brimmer to the King!

Into…

Scene Two

The Attitudes

Later that same day, after the performance, NELL is gathering spilled oranges from the yard. CHARLES HART arrives from backstage and calls to her, which takes her by surprise. He is something of a star.

HART. Gwynn!

NELL. Mr Hart!

HART. What was that?

NELL. Sir?

HART. What exactly did you think you were doing?

NELL. I was just jesting.

HART. Your audacity astounds me.

NELL. Sir, I –

HART. You’ve got no right to interrupt the prologue.

NELL. I was only trying / to help.

HART. In the middle of Mr Spiggett’s performance!

NELL. I didn’t mean / to –

HART. You can’t just stride up here and talk to him!

NELL....

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Contents
• An Interview with Jessica Swale
• Acknowledgements
• Original Production
• Dedication
• Characters
• Nell Gwynn
• About the Author
• Copyright and Performing Rights Information