LA RONDE
Ten Dialogues
Characters
PROSTITUTE
SOLDIER
MAID
YOUNG MASTER
YOUNG WIFE
HUSBAND
SWEET YOUNG THING
POET
ACTRESS
COUNT
1. The Prostitute and the Soldier
Late evening. By the Augarten Bridge. The SOLDIER enters, whistling, on his way home.
PROSTITUTE. Come on, handsome.
He turns, then keeps walking.
Dāyou want some company?
SOLDIER. Me? Handsome?
PROSTITUTE. Course. Who else? Come on, Iām just up the road.
SOLDIER. Aināt got time. Got to get back to barracks.
PROSTITUTE. Youāll get back to barracks all right. Better at my place, though.
SOLDIER (closer). Maybe.
PROSTITUTE. Ssh. A copper might turn up.
SOLDIER. Yeah, right. Like to see a copper deal with this.
Pats his bayonet-case.
PROSTITUTE. Come on then.
SOLDIER. Piss off. Anyway, I aināt got no money.
PROSTITUTE. Donāt need any.
SOLDIER (stops short. Under a street lamp). No money? Who are you, anyway?
PROSTITUTE. Ordinary blokes pay. Soldiers like you get it for free.
SOLDIER. I bet youāre the one Huber told me about.
PROSTITUTE. Never heard of him.
SOLDIER. You must be. You know ā the cafĆ© in the Schiffgasse ā you went home with him.
PROSTITUTE. Wouldnāt be the first from there. Mmm . . .
SOLDIER. Come on then. Come on.
PROSTITUTE. In a hurry now, are we?
SOLDIER. Well, whatāre we hanging about for? And Iāve got to be in barracks by ten.
PROSTITUTE. When did you join up, then?
SOLDIER. Whatās it matter to you? How farās your place?
PROSTITUTE. Ten minutes.
SOLDIER. Thatās too far. Give us a snog.
PROSTITUTE (kisses him). I always think thatās the best bit. When I really fancy a bloke.
SOLDIER. Dunno ābout that. Forget it, itās too far.
PROSTITUTE. Tell you what, come round tomorrow then. In the afternoon.
SOLDIER. All right. Give us your address.
PROSTITUTE. But you aināt gonna come, are you?
SOLDIER. I told you.
PROSTITUTE. Tell you what, if my place is too far ā what about down there?
Towards the Danube.
SOLDIER. You what?
PROSTITUTE. Itās quiet down there. No one about.
SOLDIER. Nah. Not my idea of a good time.
PROSTITUTE. Iāll give you a good time, donāt you worry about that. Come on, stay with me. Who knows, we could all be dead by tomorrow.
SOLDIER. All right. But hurry up.
PROSTITUTE. Watch out. Itās dark. One slip, and youāre in the river.
SOLDIER. Best place for me.
PROSTITUTE. Afterwards, maybe . . . Hey, slow down a bit. Thereās a bench just ahead.
SOLDIER. You know your way around.
PROSTITUTE. I could do with someone like you.
SOLDIER. You couldnāt handle me.
PROSTITUTE. I could have fun trying.
SOLDIER. Ha ha.
PROSTITUTE. Keep it down. Coppers come wandering round even down here sometimes. Wouldnāt think it, would you: here we are, right in the middle of the city.
SOLDIER. Come here. Come on.
PROSTITUTE. Careful, or weāll both be in the river.
SOLDIER (has got hold of her). Oh yeah.
PROSTITUTE. Hold on tight.
SOLDIER. Donāt you worry . . . ah . . .
PROSTITUTE. Would have been better on the bench.
SOLDIER. Who cares? Come on, get up.
PROSTITUTE. Whatās the rush?
SOLDIER. Got to get to barracks. Iām late.
PROSTITUTE. So whatās your name, then?
SOLDIER. What do you care?
PROSTITUTE. Iām Leocadia.
SOLDIER. Uh! Thatās a new one.
PROSTITUTE. Hey . . . I want to tell you something . . . you were so good . . . so . . . ooh . . . so . . . come here . . .
SOLDIER. Youāve got to be kidding.
PROSTITUTE. Hey.
SOLDIER. What is it now?
PROSTITUTE. At least gimme sixpence for the housekeeper.
SOLDIER. Huh! What sort of a sucker do you think I am? See you, āLeocadiaā.
PROSTITUTE. You scum! Bastard!
Heās gone.
2. The Soldier and the Maid
The Prater. Sunday evening. A path leading from the Wurstelprater towards a dark avenue of trees. The distant sounds of the amusement park; and the āFive-Kreutzer Polkaā, a corny dance tune, played by a brass band.
MAID. Go on, tell me. Why do you have to go so early?
The SOLDIER is embarrassed, and laughs stupidly.
It was lovely. I love dancing.
He holds the MAID around the waist. She lets him.
Weāre not dancing now. Why are you holding me so tight?
SOLDIER. What was your name again? Kathi, isnāt it?
MAID. Youāve got some Kathi on the brain.
SOLDIER. Oh, yeah, I know: Marie.
MAID. Itās getting dark. Spooky.
SOLDIER. You got nothing to worry about. Youāre with me. Iāll look after you.
MAID. What are we doing out here? All on our own. Come on, letās go back inside. Itās all dark out here.
SOLDIER (draws on his cigar, making the end glow). There, thatās lit things up!
Laughs.
Hello, gorgeous!
MAID. Hey, what are you doing? I might have known . . .
SOLDIER. Damn, if yours arenāt the nicest handful in there tonight.
MAID. Tested all the rest, then, have you?
SOLDIER. You can tell, dancing with someone. Quite a lot you can tell that way, wouldnāt you say?
MAID. But you was dancing with that blonde a lot more than you was with me. That squinty one.
SOLDIER. Friend of a friend, you might say.
MAID. What, that corporal with the twirly moustache?
SOLDIER. No, my friend was the civvy: you know, he was sat next to me, the bloke with a croaky voice.
MAID. Oh, him. Heās got a bloody nerve.
SOLDIER. Whatād he do to you? Iāll show him. Whatād he do?
MAID. Oh, nothing. Just how he was with the other girls.
SOLDIER. So tell me, Marie.
MAID. Watch it with that cigar, will you?
SOLDIER. Sorry. Marie. Come here, darling.
MAID. Youāre being a bit familiar, arenāt you?
SOLDIER. Donāt you like me calling you darling? Come on, itās just an expression . . .
MAID. Bit soon for that, isnāt it? Now then, Franz . . .
SOLDIER. You remember my name, then?
MAID. Course I do, Franz . . .
SOLDIER. The lads call me Franzi. And the girls, too . . .
MAID. Steady on. What if someone was to come out?
SOLDIER. So what if they do? Theyāll never see us.
MAID. Where are you taking me?
SOLDIER. Hey, look, a couple over there, just like us.
MAID. Where? I canāt see...