Queen Anne

Helen Edmunson, Helen Edmundson

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2017
• Print ISBN: 9781848426665
• eBook ISBN: 9781780016870
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

Helen Edmundson's gripping play tells the little-known story of a monarch caught between friendship and duty.

1702. William III is on the throne and England is on the verge of war.

Princess Anne is soon to become Queen, and her advisors vie for influence over the future monarch. Who can Anne turn to when even her most trusted friends seem bent on pursuing power?

Contending with deceit and blackmail, Anne must decide where her allegiances lie, and whether to sacrifice her closest relationships for the sake of the country.

Commissioned by the Royal Shakespeare Company, Queen Anne premiered at the Swan Theatre, Stratford-upon-Avon, in November 2015, and was revived at the Theatre Royal Haymarket, London, in 2017.

ACT ONE

Scene One

HARLEY’s rooms. The Inns of Court, London, February 1702. Various GENTLEMEN are drinking and smoking. Here and there a WOMAN, for the sake of titillation. In one corner, DR JOHN RADCLIFFE, ARTHUR MAYNWARING, DEFOE and JEZEBEL prepare for a performance. At RADCLIFFE’s direction, a small group of MUSICIANS strikes up. RADCLIFFE steps forward –

RADCLIFFE. Pray be upstanding for Her Royal Highness the Princess Anne!

Enter MAYNWARING, dressed, crudely, as Anne. He is greeted by cheers, whistles and laughter from the assembled COMPANY, who get to their feet.

And for her estimable husband, Prince George of Denmark!

Enter DANIEL DEFOE, dressed as George. He bows, and makes a show of delight about the cheers that greet him. They begin to sing.

DEFOE. Tonight?

MAYNWARING. Tonight it has to be,

I’m ripe as a cherry upon the tree,

Pray come and squeeze the pips from me,

We’ll do it tonight for England.

RADCLIFFE and JEZEBEL lead MUSICIANS and anyone who will sing in a chorus.

COMPANY.

So here’s a cheer for Princess Anne,

She’s doing her duty the way she can,

She’s up and down like any man,

She’s giving it all for England.

As the chorus is sung, MAYNWARING and DEFOE as Anne and George, chase each other and then simulate copulation in a bawdy way. They sing again.

MAYNWARING. Oh, George, Oh George,
I think I swell –

DEFOE. But Annie, my pudding, how can you tell?

MAYNWARING. I felt it move –

DEFOE. Then all is well,
But better make sure for England.

COMPANY.

So here’s a cheer for Princess Anne,

She’s doing her duty the way she can,

She’s up and down like any man,

She’s giving it all for England.

The whole room joins in the chorus now as ‘George’ chases ‘Anne’ – ‘Come here, my little one!’, ‘Oh, Georgie!’ He catches her and they start to copulate again.

MAYNWARING. Oh, George, come quick…

He does so.

I think I start…

RADCLIFFE steps into the scene, brandishing a surgical instrument.

RADCLIFFE. Lie down please, madam, and legs apart –

A cheer goes up from the COMPANY. ‘Anne’ lies down on a table. JEZEBEL makes a show of shielding ‘Anne’s’ rear from view, using a sheet.

JEZEBEL. Now brace yourself, for this may smart…

The audience love this. RADCLIFFE ducks under the sheet to examine ‘Anne’. The music creates a sense of suspension. ‘Anne’ begins to moan loudly – there is an ambiguity as to whether this is with pain or pleasure.

HECKLER. Think of Hanover!

More laughter.

DEFOE. What news, good doctor, is she near?

RADCLIFFE. No head. No feet. What have we here?

MAYNWARING. It comes! It comes!

RADCLIFFE. Watch out! Stand clear!

‘Anne’ begins to make the sound of bearing down and pushing. There is a drum roll.

The Princess Anne,

God bless her heart,

Is now delivered of…

‘Anne’ lets out an enormous and protracted fart. This is met with cheers and laughter. The sheet is blown away. RADCLIFFE, ‘George’ and JEZEBEL look as though they will be blown away too. The fart stops for a second or two, but then continues, until it finally stops.

DEFOE (mystically). A fart.

‘Anne’ sits up.

MAYNWARING. Oh, but what a pretty one.

As the whole room sings the chorus, JEZEBEL makes a bundle of the sheet, and puts it into ‘Anne’s’ arms, as though it is a baby. ‘Anne’ and ‘George’ look at it, lovingly.

COMPANY.

So here’s a cheer for Princess Anne,

She’s doing her duty the way she can,

She’s up and down like any man,

She’s giving it all for England.

‘Anne’ and ‘George’ dance and the song comes to an end. The PERFORMERS take the applause.

A woman (ABIGAIL HILL) has entered during the song and listened to the end of it. She looks about the room. She is exceptionally plain with pox-scarred skin, poorly dressed, with a woollen cloak about her. DEFOE crosses in front of her.

ABIGAIL. Excuse me? Is this… can this be the Inns of Court?

DEFOE. The Inns of Court it is. Though some might say we’re better called the ‘Outs’.

ABIGAIL. And are these Mr Harley’s rooms?

MAYNWARING (calling from across the room). Defoe, your drink!

DEFOE indicates a table to ABIGAIL.

DEFOE. He’s over there. (To MAYNWARING.) J’arrive, ma chère!

DEFOE moves off and ABIGAIL crosses to the table, where sit ROBERT HARLEY and JONATHAN SWIFT, deep in conversation. SWIFT, as a clergyman, wears a dog collar, although it is presently concealed.

ABIGAIL. Mr Robert Harley?

SWIFT. Who wants to know?

ABIGAIL. My name is Hill.

SWIFT. Hill?

ABIGAIL. Miss Abigail Hill.

SWIFT. Ah. Female then.

ABIGAIL. I’m sorry for intruding upon your evening, Mr Harley, but your housekeeper was kind enough to tell me I might find you here.

SWIFT. Had we an appointment?

ABIGAIL. No, sir, but…

SWIFT. Then you are here with some petition?

ABIGAIL. We are related, sir. On my father’s side. Hill. Perhaps you recognise the name?

SWIFT. And this kinship you allege entitles you to touch me now for money, I suppose?

ABIGAIL. I’m not here to ask for money, sir.

SWIFT. Oh?

ABIGAIL. I’ve travelled from the country and am looking for employment. I wish to know if there are any jobs I might perform within your household?

SWIFT. Well, that rather depends, Miss Hill.

ABIGAIL. On what, sir?

SWIFT. On whether your arse is prettier than your face.

HARLEY almost chokes on his drink.

ABIGAIL. At least I keep my arse where it belongs, and do not choose to talk through it like some.

HARLEY. Hoo, hoo. I say!

SWIFT. Very good. That’s really very good. You have a talented tongue, Miss Hill.

HARLEY spies RADCLIFFE passing close by.

HARLEY. Dr Radcliffe! A word, sir, if you will!

RADCLIFFE approaches. He nods to HARLEY.

RADCLIFFE. Harley.

And then to SWIFT.

Swift.

ABIGAIL looks from one man to the other, realising she’s been tricked.

I trust you both enjoyed our little entertainment.

HARLEY. You are confirmed then in your opinion that the Princess Anne is not with child?

RADCLIFFE. The Princess is as likely to produce another child as you or I. Her age is now against her. And I have seen for myself, at closer quarters than I would wish, the d...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Contents
• Original Production
• Characters
• Queen Anne
• Music
• About the Author
• Copyright and Performing Rights Information