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Two
September, 2005. The same room. It’s mid-morning and the room is filled with sunlight. There’s no furniture in the room and it’s clearly been empty for some time. In the middle of the living room stand BECCI and LAURA.
Both BECCI and LAURA are heavily pregnant.
LAURA is looking intently at the house. BECCI is looking intently at LAURA.
LAURA. Do you think it’s floorboards? (Springs lightly up and down on the floor.) It would be floorboards, wouldn’t it?
Pause.
Love the coving. Or is it cornicing? Never really know the…(Looks at BECCI.) What? (Beat.)Have I got [something]?
Beat.
(Not unkindly.) What is it?
BECCI. Laura Prowse.
LAURA. Oh. Right.
Beat.
Becci. Prowsey.
A polite laugh from LAURA.
Prowse the Mouse.
LAURA (quietly). Never really liked that one.
BECCI. God. (Beat.) And you’ve got boobs.
Another polite laugh.
(Laughing.) You never had friggin’ boobs.
LAURA. Well. I am [pregnant] so…
Beat.
BECCI. Can I have a touch?
LAURA. Of my – breasts?
BECCI. Eww, no, lezza. That – (Indicates bump.)
LAURA. Oh. Right. Um. (Beat.)Okay.
LAURA submits to BECCI placing her hands on her stomach.
BECCI. Fuck me. And how many months?
LAURA. Er, almost seven.
BECCI. So weird. I mean good weird, but… oh, guess who else’s in the club?
LAURA. Um.
BECCI. Guess.
LAURA. I really don’t –
BECCI. Dawn Bennett’s sister.
LAURA. Oh.
BECCI. Right old fatty-bum-bum she is, not that she was ever anorexic.
LAURA. Right.
BECCI. Keeps making up all these cravings, Dawn says. ‘Baby wants a Double Sausage and Egg McMuffin.’ ‘Baby made me eat a whole Chocolate Orange.’ (Laughs.)
LAURA (laughs). Right (Beat.) Becci, I’ve just got a few –
BECCI(a thought). Hey! Just a sec.
LAURA. Oh, sure.
BECCI gets her phone out of her bag. Rings a number.
BECCI (into the phone). Wotcha, babes.
Beat.
Yeah, same to you. Listen –
Beat. LAURA gets out her phone and starts checking texts, etc.
Yeah, I know. Listen – so I turn up for an appointment at that house today –
Beat.
That house. Nine New Park Road.
Beat.
(Quieter.) Yeah, I know it’s… (Looking round nervously.) Fucking Phil, I said to him I wouldn’t…
Beat.
Yeah, I know but. (Bit louder.) But – listen, guess – guess who I’m showing around, Chantelle?
LAURA (looks up from phone). Oh. (Smiles a little too politely.)
BECCI. Go on, Chantelle, guess.
Beat.
No. Why would it be [him]?
Beat.
(Filthy laugh.) Oh, well, no. (Beat.) Laura Prowse!
Beat.
I’m not shitting you, Chantelle. Laura friggin’ Prowse.
LAURA. Actually it’s Higgins now but –
BECCI (to Chantelle). I know!
Beat.
Says she’s had enough of that London. (Winks at LAURA.)
LAURA. I didn’t say that…
Beat.
BECCI. Says she’s moving back down.
LAURA. That’s not really –
BECCI (to Chantelle). I know! (Beat.) Yeah to Plymouth.
Beat.
(To LAURA.) Chantelle says about-friggin’-time. (To Chantelle.) And hey, guess what. She’s only having a baby.
Beat.
I know! She’s got tits now and everything.
Beat.
(Laughs.)Yeah, I know. They’re, like – massive.
Be...
