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(A young person, warm, nervous energy. This is KES. Maybe we don’t identify them as the audience congregate.)
(Perhaps the audience form a circle, of which KES is part.)
(For some time we are KES’s mirror as KES unselfconsciously examines the reflected body.)
(As KES imitates the body language of audience-members-as-reflection.)
(As KES dances to music)
(maybe)
(camply)
(maybe)
(as we have all done alone.)
(Then:)
The suede waistcoat is my favourite.
Brown suede.
Um.
I have a waistcoat with elephants stitched on it too.
And I have a silky waistcoat.
With cats on it.
Maybe mice.
Not sure.
I am a ‘deb-bon-air eight-year-old’ Granda says.
I have a bouncy-ball collection.
I’m shaping up to be a real ah, ‘heartbreaker’ Granda says.
He called the self-service machine in Tescos ‘young lady’ though, so…
(Brightly.) I have lots of waistcoats. I love them.
(Thinks.)
Try weeing standing up.
Yeah. Wee standing up.
I have a brother and boy cousins, so um, think it’s cos I haven’t tried.
I’m wearing cords. Stand at the toilet. Confident. Then this stain, down my favourite blue corduroys. Hide them in the rockery.
Wonder what Mum thinks when she digs them up.
‘That is not a carrot,’ probably.
Uhm.
Wake up and boobs. You know? Like, no one asked me. Just pop up overnight. Like in Alien. The film? With Sigourney Weaver? Only out of my chest. Twice: (Demonstrates.) pft. Pft.
Want to give them back thank you bye.
I’m a boy. Then eleven. Then boobs.
High school’s okay. It’s okay. In high school I have the same friends. Climb trees, football, et cetera et cetera tomboy grow-out-of-it phase et cetera.
Try being girly.
Try to – Thirteen. Lipgloss. Quite excited. Free with a magazine about. Ponies or something. Try to – try to drop ‘boyfy’ into conversation.
‘Boyfy.’
Do people say ‘boyfy’? Or is it like when I tried to say ‘oke’ but it turns out it’s ‘O’–‘K’ as in the same as O –K–A–Y and you don’t say it ‘oke’ it’s not like a cool way of saying it, it just looks that way before anyone tells you it’s not.
‘Boyfy.’
(Maybe KES tries the lipgloss, then tries saying ‘boyfy’.)
‘Boyfy.’
Boyfy.
Boyfy.
Boyfy.
Boyfy.
Boyfy.
Boyfuh.
Boyfah.
Boyf.
Buh
(Until there is an absurd amount of lipgloss.)
(Until ‘boyfy’ sounds absurd.)
Try it. But. Feel daft. Pretending. I’m pretending. Get bored.
…
Bioshock. Minecraft. Black Ops. The Last of Us Assassins Creed HaloGrandTheftAuto WatchDogs
Gaming online. I am twelve, thirteen, fourteen.
Always choose the coolest avatar, always dudes. If not,
a mushroom. But usually dudes. Gaming stuff, made by dudes. All the characters are dudes. Never even think about it. Just, normal. You can be whatever you want.
(Sings enthusiastically.) Whatever whatever whatever you waaaaant.
BLEEP.
Her name equals bleep.
Never answer straight away, no one likes a keeno. Think you’re just waiting like some kind of nut, which we both are obviously. Bleep: ‘Hi yah.’ Jules calls it Player Ready Twitch haha. Jules is funny. She has a cool tattoo a line from Jurassic Park but it’s cool. She loves Leonard Cohen. And eyeliner. And gifs. We’re always laughing at stupid things. Little cry-y emoticon faces hahaha.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
(Full house lights. We are a support group.)
I’m trying to say it from the top.
Everything. Okay?
Okay.
Cool cool coooool. Just, channel someone cool. David Bowie or, Fiona Bruce.
She is pretty bloody cool.
Make eye contact with the circle.
We sit in a circle.
A circle is about trust.
A square, well a square is for fascists, obviously. A circle is
for t...
