Mr Incredible

Camilla Whitehill

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2016
• eBook ISBN: 9781780018102
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

Adam is single. He doesn't like it. He misses Holly. He deserves Holly. Doesn't he?

A brutal one-man play about modern love and old-fashioned entitlement, Camilla Whitehill's Mr Incredible was produced at the 2016 Edinburgh Festival Fringe by Longsight Theatre, following its preview run earlier that year at VAULT Festival, London.

This volume also contains Camilla Whitehill's short plays One Thousand and One and Aloe Aloe.

MR INCREDIBLE

This version of Mr Incredible was first produced by Longsight Theatre at the Underbelly Cowgate, Edinburgh Festival Fringe on 4 August 2016. The cast was as follows:

ADAM	Alistair Donegan
Director	Sarah Meadows
Producer	Rosalyn Newbery
Designers	Justin Nardella
	Catherine Morgan
Lighting Designer	Jamie Platt
Composer/Sound Designer	Benedict Taylor
Stage Manager	Anna Hunscott

Mr Incredible was first performed at VAULT Festival, London, on 10 February 2016, with the following cast:

ADAM	Alistair Donegan
Director	Sarah Meadows
Producer	Rosalyn Newbery
Designers	Justin Nardella
	Catherine Morgan
Lighting Designer	Jamie Platt
Composer/Sound Designer	Benedict Taylor
Stage Manager	Laura Merryweather

For my sisters

‘Men are afraid that women will laugh at them.
Women are afraid that men will kill them.’

Margaret Atwood

‘If the complainant (I do not refer to her as the victim)
was under the influence of alcohol or drugs, or both, when
she was “raped”, this provides the accused with a complete
defence. End of story and a victory for fairness, moderation
and common sense!’

Top UK barrister David Osborne, in a blog post entitled
‘She Was Gagging For It’, February 2015

Characters

ADAM FREEMAN, a thirty-one-year-old man from London MAN, voice-over

This ebook was created before the end of rehearsals and so may differ slightly from the play as performed.

Scene One

Lights snap up on a modern, sparse office. Very little on stage other than an expensive leather office chair and a large pot plant. ADAM FREEMAN is kneeling next to the plant. He vomits into the plant pot. He breathes heavily. He spits. After a minute he looks up apologetically.

ADAM Mate

God. I’m sorry.

I’d never normally vomit into another man’s ficus.

He laughs.

I feel completely

Yeah

I don’t know what this feeling is, but whatever it is, it’s a bit er

Nauseating

In a good

It was a happy vomit

Should I…?

He looks at the plant.

I’m really really sorry, I don’t know where that came from

Shock, maybe. Relief. I don’t know.

Sort of

A

Can I get a drink, a

A

A beer?

A beer would be

I knew that mini-fridge was packing something fun

He leaves to grab a beer.

MAN (V.O.) Mr Freeman?

Adam Freeman?

ADAM (Returning.) Feeling much better after that.

I’ll er, replace the plant. Don’t worry.

He drinks beer.

Honestly I er

I knew, I know

But just to have it all sorted out is

Because I’ve been through hell

The worst I I mean the worst feelings

The er

He is close to tears, and turns away.

MAN (V.O.) You are Adam Freeman?

Of 67 Wilders Avenue –

ADAM Mate I’m sorry

I’m literally acting like a pregnant woman. Puking and crying.

Maybe I should just get pissed

He drinks deeply.

MAN (V.O.) Is there anyone else home

ADAM What do people do now

Typically

Usually I’d

MAN (V.O.) Do you mind if we come in

ADAM (Softly.) I wish I could call

He pulls his tie off.

It’s hot, is it hot

MAN (V.O.) Is this where you

ADAM It’s hot

He starts to unbutton his shirt.

Is it

MAN (V.O.) Is this where

Is this where

Is this where you

ADAM I hate this stuff this office… wear, if you

He pulls off the shirt. He has a ratty T-shirt on underneath.

Better

MAN (V.O.) Is this where

Is

Is

Is

You

ADAM What do people do now

When it’s over

MAN (V.O.) You you you you you you you – (Repeats.)

ADAM Fucking hell

He pulls his trousers off. Underneath he is wearing crap shorts. The male voice is still repeating the word ‘you’.

It’s hot

Is it

ADAM looks overwhelmed. He leans on his knees, like he’s just run a race.

Is it

The voice-over and background noise grow louder. ADAM takes off his shoes. He kneels on the ground.

IS IT

Everything stops. Silence. ADAM looks up.

MAN (V.O.) Can you come with us please?

Blackout. The male voice breaks, repeats and refracts.

Scene Two

The sound dissolves into the chorus of ‘The Power of Goodbye’ by Madonna on a thirty-second loop. The lights come up. A coat is slung over the office chair. The chorus repeats several times.

ADAM comes in, wearing the shorts and T-shirt from the previous scene, but with trainers and a red hoodie. He notices the music and rushes over to grab his phone out of his jacket pocket. He presses a button. The music stops.

Awkward pause.

ADAM Haha, sorry about that, that er

Haha

Did that, um

Was that playing for long?

He checks the screen.

Oh, eight missed calls. That’s good. Just eight.

Just eight choruses of ‘The Power of Goodbye’

Which, is clearly

My ringtone

Bet y...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Contents
• Mr Incredible
• Aloe Aloe
• One Thousand and One
• About the Author
• Copyright and Performing Rights Information