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Isaac
A psychiatrist’s office.
ISAAC sits in a chair.
ISAAC. My father called last week to wish me happy birthday. It’s the first time that he’s done it in years. I didn’t talk to him – Jessica, my wife, she – She’s the one who – She thought it might be good to talk to –
So she’s the one who spoke to him, which was difficult because she didn’t know I still had a dad. I’d told her that he’d died years ago and that was all fine, except when this guy rings up out of the blue and says ‘Can I speak to Isaac, please?’ And she’s like ‘He’s not in right now, can I take a message?’ and he says ‘Can you tell him his father called?’ And she’s like ‘Okay – who is this?’ and he says ‘This is Isaac’s father – who is this?’ and she says ‘I’m his wife’ and he sorta laughs and says ‘He never told me that he got married.’
Now most people’d would be like, ‘Oh screw you this, this is bullshit, I –’ Sorry, sorry I don’t – I don’t usually – swear, I’m not – Most people would say this is – bullcrap but you have to understand that my father is very persuasive. He’s got this voice, this sorta rumbly low kinda burr. Very solid and trustworthy, you know? I didn’t inherit it, I’ve got this kind of – I sound like a Jewish dentist. It’s not a voice that inspires devotion in others.
So before she could say anything my father began talking and Jessica listened and by the sounds of it they had quite the chat. Talked about how long we’d been married and the kids and pretty soon the two of them are getting on like a house on fire.
I’m getting this all second hand, you understand – from my wife – who’s layin’ into me, asking ‘Why?’, why I don’t wanna talk to him and she won’t quit going at it, won’t quit – even though it is my birthday, I might add, I’m still the – But I tell her fine, okay, fine. I’ll tell you why we don’t speak any more.
My mother died when I was very young. That left just my father and I and he raised me all by himself. I don’t really remember her. But my father. Jesus, he was – like a rock, just – He had stone-grey hair and smelt of Old Spice. He was a pastor, admired, respected. He was very serious, he – I mean – he wasn’t one of those touchy-feely kinda dads, you know, I – I mean you weren’t exactly gonna be throwing a football around in the backyard or – or be horsin’ around with him or nothin’ but – but – I knew that he loved me. Cos I was the only one who could make him smile. Like when I’d – I dunno, I’d come into his study when he was writing one of his sermons and show him like some magic trick I’d been working on or a picture I’d drawn or something – you know like how your kids, they – And he wouldn’t just be like ‘Oh yeah, that’s great, honey, yeah – woo’, no, no he – he – He would stop what he was doing and he would sit and watch and his serious face would thaw into this smile that cocked the one side of his mouth and he’d get little crow’s feet around his eyes from the smiling and the wrinkling. I was the only one who could make him smile like that. Really smile, like from the – like from the middle, you know? And when he smiled at me like that I could see how much he loved me. And there were two things that he loved more than anything else in this world: me and God.
And then one day God started speaking to him. Yes, yes, I know, I said he was a pastor, that sorta comes with the territory but I don’t mean – This wasn’t a kind of, you know, ‘He’s always there when I need him’, I mean this was well and truly like ‘Abraham, this is God – listen up!’ We were having breakfast and he just dropped his coffee cup on the floor, smashed it and I looked up and he was just staring into space, his eyes were like – Like he was looking at something I couldn’t see and – And he started smiling and I said,
‘What is it, Daddy?’
and he said,
‘He just spoke to me.’
‘Who?’
‘God.’
I hardly saw him after that – I mean he was still at home, still looked after me and carried on working and preaching but he’d go out for hours at a time I don’t know where and just – I found him one night in the backyard. I went outside in my pyjamas – I was waiting for him to come tuck me in – and I saw him looking up at the sky at this big, blue black sky fulla stars. It was a big sky, I mean it was – huge, you – And I stood next to him, slid my hand in his and saw him smiling, and I remember thinking – feeling like a real grown-up, being like ‘Wow, here I am, up late like a proper grown-up and sharing this moment with my dad!’ And then I looked up and I realised – He had no idea I was there. He was miles away. And I say,
‘Dad? Daddy?’
and he looks down at me he says,
‘Yes, son?’
And I said,
‘What ya doing?’
And he was quiet for a moment, then he just smiles and says,
‘Just listening. Just listenin’ to Him.’
And he goes back to lookin’ at the sky and smilin’.
Two weeks later, I wake up in the middle of the night and he’s sitting on the edge of my bed, hands resting on his lap and his big dark eyes looking out at me from under his brows. And I’m like,
‘Daddy? What’s –’
– I can see through my curtains it’s still dark outside – and he says,
‘It’s okay, son, we need to get up. Don’t worry, just – get up and get dressed and I’ll tell you more on the way.’
So he gets me up and he takes me to the bathroom and I can see he’s run a fresh bath and he stands outside the door while I go pee then he peels off my pyjamas and he gets me in the tub and starts scrubbing away at me, real thorough – scrubbing away at me till there’s not a speck of dirt left. Then he lifts me out the tub, wraps me up in this big pink towel and starts dryi...
