# 1
A scrub of land in a town in the North East of England.
LORNA is scratching her head vigorously.
GRACEStop scratching.
LORNA snatches her hand away.
GRACE turns away for a moment.
Furtively, LORNA scratches her head again.
I saw that.
LORNASorry.
GRACEIt makes it worse.
LORNA folds her hand in her lap.
She drums her feet on the ground.
LORNAArgh but itâs so itchy!
GRACEHere.
GRACE takes LORNAâs hands.
She sits on them.
Now you canât.
LORNA breathes deeply.
GRACE peers at LORNAâs head.
I can see them.
LORNAWhat?
GRACEOn your head.
LORNANo you canât.
GRACELook.
GRACE leans over and plucks something from LORNAâs scalp.
There.
See?
LORNA looks.
Itâs alright.
Iâve got them as well.
GRACE extracts something from her scalp.
Here.
They look at it together.
They eat our blood.
Look.
When I squash himâŚ
LORNADonât.
GRACEThatâs my blood coming out.
I love blood.
Do you dare me to eat it?
GEORGE enters.
He looks at the girls warily.
GEORGEHave you still got them?
GRACEWhat?
GEORGEI canât play with you if youâve still got them.
GRACEYouâve got them too.
GEORGENo I donât.
GRACEAll the kids in the cottages have got them.
LORNAHello George.
LORNA gives GEORGE a winning smile.
GEORGEAlright, Lorna.
GRACE looks at GEORGE and LORNA.
GRACEShall we play weddings?
GEORGENot again.
LORNAYes.
GEORGEAlright.
GRACEWhich one of us today?
GEORGELorna.
GRACEThatâs not allowed.
You married her last time.
LORNAIt is allowed.
GRACEAlright then.
But get to the good bit.
GEORGE approaches LORNA.
LORNA holds her breath.
GEORGE is about to lean in and kiss her.
You have to do it with your tongue.
GEORGEWhat?
LORNAGrace.
GRACEThatâs the proper way.
LORNA and GEORGE look at GRACE.
They look at each other.
GEORGE sticks out his tongue.
LORNA looks at GRACE.
GRACE nods.
LORNA sticks out her tongue.
LORNA and GEORGE lick one anotherâs tongues experimentally.
They break away.
Now take your knickers off.
LORNANo.
GRACEThatâs what happens at the end of a wedding.
LORNAButâŚ
GRACEGo on.
Do it.
Miserably, LORNA removes her knickers.
GEORGE and LORNA look at GRACE, awaiting further instructions.
Now you look like your mum.
LORNANo I donât.
GRACESheâs running around without any knickers on.
Thatâs why theyâre getting a divorce.
LORNAThey arenât.
GRACEWhere are you going?
LORNAHome.
GRACETell George youâre sorry.
Then you can go.
LORNAI wonât.
GRACEGo on.
Tell him.
LORNAIâm sorry.
GRACEAnd you give her a slap.
GEORGENoâŚ
GRACEYes.
He slaps LORNA gently on the face.
No not there.
On her bum.
GEORGEBut â
GRACEGo on.
GEORGE slaps LORNA on her bum.
And again.
GEORGE slaps LORNA on her bum again.
LORNAOw.
GRACETell her you won...