ACT THREE
Scene One
The flat.
MAGGIE and ANDREWS are having sex. She’s riding him.
MAGGIE. Left a bit.
He concentrates.
Left a bit more.
He concentrates.
Left a bit more.
He throws her over on to her back.
Oh.
ANDREWS. Fuck your left a bit.
MAGGIE. Oh. That’s better.
ANDREWS. Fuck you.
MAGGIE. Pull my hair.
He does.
Put your hand over my mouth. Call me a cunt.
He puts his hand over her mouth.
ANDREWS. You’re a cunt.
He hollers out in pain.
You bit my hand.
MAGGIE. I’m a cunt. And you’re a brute. Fuck me.
ANDREWS. You’re a cunt.
MAGGIE. You’re a brute.
ANDREWS. You’re a cunt.
MAGGIE. You’re a brute.
ANDREWS. You’re a cunt.
MAGGIE. You’re a grunt.
ANDREWS. You’re a cunt.
MAGGIE. You’re a grunt.
ANDREWS. You’re a cunt.
MAGGIE. You’re a grunt.
She orgasms.
ANDREWS. You’re there.
MAGGIE. I’m there, my lover. I’m there.
ANDREWS. You’re there?
MAGGIE. I am.
He orgasms.
They both lie panting on the bed.
Shit.
ANDREWS. Shit.
They both lie panting a bit more.
MAGGIE. You don’t know what it is – to be as bored as I am.
ANDREWS. You’re fucking bored? You should try being a grunt.
MAGGIE. A grunt is a very good word for you. And cunt is a very good word for me. I think. Sometimes. And then I hope that I’m better than that. I’m probably not. Have you a cigarette?
ANDREWS. She’s got a baby.
MAGGIE. If the baby can survive living here it can survive a little smoke. Give me a fag, slag.
ANDREWS grabs his jeans and pulls out a packet of fags and gives her one. She lights it.
She smokes it luxuriously.
Jesus. This place…
ANDREWS. Grunts don’t get good pay. We’re expected to live in barracks. They’re not married so she can’t live in barracks. I tried it once before. Though I didn’t have a kiddie.
MAGGIE. You’ve got a strong back. This muscle. I don’t think my husband has this muscle.
ANDREWS. Squats.
MAGGIE nods. She touches his back.
MAGGIE. My husband thinks he might be retarded.
ANDREWS. Woyzeck’s not retarded.
MAGGIE. My husband thinks everyone’s retarded.
ANDREWS. Everyone hates him. He went AWOL in Belfast. We all had to go look for him. Turned out he – well, you don’t want to know where he was hiding. When they found him he was crying. I’m the only one who’ll do patrol with him now.
MAGGIE. You don’t care. You’ve got a strong back. You can carry him.
ANDREWS. I don’t mind feeling pity. I quite like it.
There’s a knocking.
And then more knocking.
You can come through.
He pulls the sheet up over them both.
MARIE enters the room. MAGGIE continues to smoke.
MARIE. Sorry. He needed his bear.
She looks around for his bear.
ANDREWS finds it wedged in the bed. He hands it to MARIE.
MAGGIE. Thank you for not finding this embarrassing, Marie.
MARIE. No.
MAGGIE. And thank you for your hospitality.
MARIE. Sorry, I needed to be inside the flat.
MAGGIE. No. That’s quite understandable. You’ve a child after all.
She looks at MARIE. She looks at ANDREWS.
Those envelopes. Still on top of it?
MARIE. Yes.
MAGGIE. I think I may have found you a pram. No promises. One of the girls who’s looking to impress me. She won’t take any money. May I use your shower? I smell of meat.
MARIE. Yes.
MAGGIE. Though does your shower smell of meat too? Does it rain meat?
MARIE. It doesn’t.
MAGGIE. Good-oh.
She walks off to the shower. ANDREWS watches her go.
ANDREWS. A fine woman.
MARIE. Yes.
ANDREWS. The eldest I’ve had.
MARIE. Did she even care – about smoking?
He gets out of bed. He doesn’t attempt to cover himself.
ANDREWS. We’re very grateful for this –
MARIE. It was not from me you asked permission. For I wouldn’t have given it.
ANDREWS. So should I be apologetic to you?
MARIE. Just don’t be grateful.
ANDREWS turns and looks at her.
He lifts her head.
ANDREWS. You need a strong man, you know that?
MARIE. Put some clothes on.
ANDREWS pulls on his trousers, he puts his pants in his pocket.
ANDREWS. What washing powder do you use?
MARIE. You can fuck off if you think I’ll wash your clothes.
ANDREWS. I’ll bet he buys you the cheap stuff, right? Omo washing powder, that’s the one you want to use.
ANDREWS looks at her and smiles.
It really does smell of meat.
WOYZECK enters the house. He’s in full uniform. He looks at MARIE and then the half-dressed ANDREWS. It looks odd and everyone knows it.
MARIE. Hi.
WOYZECK. Hi.
ANDREWS. This man I’m allowed to be grateful to, right, Marie?
MARIE. Sure.
ANDREWS. Job done, mate.
WOYZECK. Okay.
WOYZECK looks at him, ANDREWS pulls on his top.
ANDREWS. She’s just washing the sex off her. I’ll keep it on me. Time for a drink? It’s happy hour in The Lion and Unicorn I think.
WOYZECK looks at MARIE and then ANDREWS.
WOYZECK. I’m due on shift.
Scene Two
Captain’s quarters.
WOYZECK is gently massaging the CAPTAIN.
CAPTAIN THOMPSON. I have decided you fascinate me, Woyzeck.
WOYZECK. Do I, sir?
CAPTAIN THOMPSON. Always full of brio. Always full of can-do attitude. The army needs men like you. And yet – there’s something missing, isn’t there?
WOYZECK. Is there, sir?
CAPTAIN THOMPSON. A missing synapse perhaps – a missing beat in the drum –
WOYZECK. I’m not sure that’s true, sir.
CAPTAIN THOMPSON. And I don’t just mean your mad fucking dances across Belfast.
WOYZECK. No, sir.
CAPTAIN THOMPSON. Or your illiteracy. You are illiterate, right?
WOYZECK says nothing.
Quite crafty, to not let anyone know, how did you do the forms?
WOYZECK. Paid someone.
CAPTAIN THOMPSON. Did you never want to read?
WOYZECK. Yes.
CAPTAIN THOMPSON. Did you never go to school?
WOYZECK. No.
CAPTAIN THOMPSON. Why not?
WOYZECK. People called me thick.
CAPTAIN THOMPSON. If you don’t mind me saying, that’s a very thick reason not to go.
WO...