Wolves Are Coming For You

Joel Horwood

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2017
• Print ISBN:
  9781848427129
• eBook ISBN:
  9781780019710
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

Someone has seen a wolf. Where did it come from? How many are there? Someone must be able to do something about them. Otherwise, how will our children get to school? And how will we all get to line-dancing in the village hall?

Set over one extraordinary day in an ordinary village, Wolves Are Coming For You is a play for two actors – or many more – exploring just how much wild we're comfortable with.

Joel Horwood's play was first performed in a co-production between Pentabus Theatre Company and Everyman Theatre Cheltenham in 2017, on a tour of the UK.

ACT ONE

1.

5:13 a.m.

BEA. Wolf.

ANNA. Sorry?

BEA. Wolf, Anna.

ANNA. Mum –

BEA. Saw it.

ANNA. Okay. Okay, um… A, er, a wolf?

BEA. Yep.

ANNA. You saw –

BEA. Coming for the lambs. Not normally alone, are they?

ANNA. No they’re not – It’s just, bit of a surprising welcome after a long drive, this.

BEA. So? This is livestock.

ANNA. Sure, okay, yeah –

BEA. Saw it just now.

ANNA. Right.

BEA. Must be more coming or already about.

ANNA. Right. You’re serious, you’re telling me you’ve just seen a – a – ?

BEA. Wolf.

ANNA. Okay, so… where was this?

BEA. Here.

ANNA. Here?

BEA. There.

ANNA. So, first things first, Mum, it’s really early –

BEA. Not for me.

ANNA. You must be half-asleep.

BEA. Not early for a farmer.

ANNA. No, but for a woman who’s almost eighty –

BEA. Not early for animals, wolves.

ANNA. Still, I thought we could have breakfast together, I can make some coffee –

BEA. Breakfast?

ANNA. Yeah, parma ham, sourdough, I insist, the sheep can wait –

BEA. You mad? I’ve got livestock –

ANNA. Okay, okay. So you were just up and about in your wellies, your nightie, and you thought you saw –

BEA. Thought I saw?

ANNA. Yeah, can we actually just go in? Just for a minute, it’s been a long drive –

BEA. In? Now?

ANNA. It’s cold and you’re – Yes ‘in now’, Mum, can you hear yourself?

BEA. You go in, I’m not.

ANNA. Can we not start like this? Please? Not immediately at each other’s throats, all teeth and fangs.

BEA. Don’t look at me like that, then.

ANNA. Like what?

BEA. Like I’m at the bottom of some hole.

ANNA. Right, okay, let’s… okay, where did you see this… this wolf, you saw it just now, yes?

BEA. Headlights.

ANNA. My headlights? Mum?

BEA. You didn’t see it.

ANNA. No. I didn’t see it.

BEA. I did.

ANNA. Well, I didn’t –

BEA. Not used to seeing things, you. Not used to it.

ANNA. Let’s have a cup of tea, talk about this properly?

BEA. Talking won’t help my lambs.

ANNA. At least put something warmer on –

BEA. You don’t decide things for me.

ANNA. I know that.

BEA. Can’t feel cold when those things are after my lambs, there’s a nation to feed!

ANNA. Ugh –

BEA. More than income, this. It’s in my veins, yours too –

ANNA. Will you just put a coat on – ?

BEA. No!

ANNA. Right, you saw it in my headlights, yes? In the direction of my car – ? Where I came from, that’s where you think more wolves will be coming from, is it? Cos – Shall we just, let’s just be a little realistic, shall we? Think about the facts, for a minute.

BEA. Facts are, heard it first, howling, came out and saw it in your headlights.

ANNA. Okay. Okay, well, alternative facts might include: the fact it’s not very light, there are foxes, badgers –

BEA. Wasn’t a fox –

ANNA. No, but –

BEA. Think I am?

ANNA. Yeah, okay, but you may also have. Heard the music I was playing and maybe that somehow added to the confusion or –

BEA. I work this land, it’s what I do, these eyes, this body, me. Know a dog from a fox from music from a wolf from a daughter, I know these things.

ANNA. What’s more likely, Mum? You saw an actual real wolf or that you projected your, I don’t know, concerns, maybe? Upon seeing me, maybe because there’s something I might bring up, something you’re afraid of –

BEA. Not listening to this –

ANNA. Seeing things from my perspective, finding you out here, dressed like this –

BEA. Not listening –

ANNA. What’s most likely? Wolf or, you know, imagined wolf?

BEA. Are you saying something’s wrong with me?

ANNA.…no, not –

BEA. How would you know? Hey?

ANNA. I’m not –

BEA. Why would I believe you and not how I feel?

ANNA (carefully). Some diseases –

BEA. Getting the shotgun.

ANNA. No, Mum – Shotgun? Just wait until it’s properly light at least, stop being so –

BEA. Strong, is what I’m being. Strong like you wouldn’t know. You’d do the same if there was a danger, real danger to – to your own, your livestock, if you knew, if you knew what it felt like –

ANNA. If I knew what – ?

BEA. What family felt like.

ANNA. Right. Great. Thanks, Mum, that’s –

BEA. You don’t know the strength I’ve got.

ANNA. Oh, I know your strength.

BEA. I protect my stock.

ANNA. You think cruelty’s the same as strength.

BEA. Me, cruel? Me?

ANNA. Mum, we have to talk –

BEA. I’ve got livestock to think of –

ANNA. Fine, well, I’m not leaving so –

BEA. Neither am I!

ANNA. I’m here for you, Mum, so we can make a plan / together.

BEA. When’s the last time you got yourself laid?

2.

7:47 a.m.

BEA. Not proud of it. Sorry, to repeat it here. But it’s what I said.

CHRIS. The last time she got herself…?

BEA. Laid.

CHRIS. Hm.

BEA. Sex. It means sex, Vicar.

CHRIS. And this is something you’re… concerned about, the last time your daughter had – ?

BEA. No.

CHRIS. Hm… Well, families are a safe place, sometimes to give vent, to say things we don’t mean –

BEA. I meant it. Meant to hurt her.

CHRIS. Mm. Well, losing control –

BEA. Didn’t lose control. I don’t lose control.

CHRIS. Hm. Well, is Anna staying for any length of time? Did she head straight off?

BEA. No. She’s either in bed up there. Or eating her posh ham and avo-bloody-cado.

CHRIS. Well, then, there’s time to… to apologise and discuss –

BEA. Not apologising.

CHRIS. No?

BEA. Not for something I meant to say.

CHRIS. Hm.

An awkward pause develops. There’s more that BEA wants to say. And it’s not what she says next.

BEA. These are a terrible state. Should redo them, get Tony up here and redo them.

CHRIS. Redo the…

BEA. Flagstones. Can’t read this one at all.

CHRIS. Well, it’s the wear and tear of what was a very busy church, all those feet –

BEA. Can’t be forgotten about, Vicar. Can they? He shouldn’t charge you for it either, Tony, I’ll speak to him, send him up here myself.

CHRIS. Hm.

Another pause develops. CHRIS takes a punt.

What I like about this church on mornings like this, early like this, is the smell. The still air. Old air. Makes me reflect on the nature of faith. Not just the faith of those buried here or those who laid these stones, one atop the other, to build all this, this spire. But on the faith of all the people who have breathed the air of this room then, since, now… (Reading the floor.) John, Margaret, Elizabeth… This air passed through their lungs, their bodies. It helped them to manage and cope with some perfectly natural problems. Problems not so dissimilar from our own, I imagine. I take it as a constant reminder that I am...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Contents
• Original Production
• Dedication
• Thanks
• Epigraph
• Author’s Note
• Characters
• Production Note
• Prologue
• Wolves Are Coming For You
• Epilogue
• About the Author
• Copyright and Performing Rights Information