Yous Two

Georgia Christou

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2018
• Print ISBN: 9781848427297
• eBook ISBN: 9781788500012
• Topic: Littérature
• Subtopic: Théâtre britannique

'You're always gonna turn into one of your parents aren't you, it's just about choosing the one who's slightly less mental.'

Fifteen-year-old Billie has lived with her dad in their little flat for as long as she can remember, but all that's about to change. She's got big plans – get Dad a job, sort out her grades, and live in a house with five bathrooms.

But one reckless night threatens to undo all her hard work and derail her ambitions… When it's always been just the two of you, how easy is it to get out, or to let anyone else in?

A moving portrayal of what happens when those you should depend on need you more than you need them, Yous Two premiered at Hampstead Downstairs, London, in 2018.

Yous Two is Georgia Christou's debut play. It was shortlisted for the Verity Bargate Award.

Scene One

A bathroom. JONNY, dark features, mid-thirties, lies in the bath smoking a joint. The door handle goes. He covers himself.

JONNY. Don’t come in.

The door opens a tiny bit.

Don’t come in I said.

BILLIE (from off behind the door). Are you in there?

JONNY. No.

BILLIE. You gonna be long?

JONNY. I don’t know.

BILLIE. How long?

JONNY. I don’t know I said. I only just got in.

BILLIE. You’re smoking.

JONNY. Am I?

BILLIE. In the bath, that’s disgusting.

JONNY. I’m allowed. I’m a grown-up.

BILLIE. You’ll be all clean with bad breath.

JONNY. Lovely.

BILLIE. It’s a nasty habit you know.

JONNY takes a drag. Leaves it on a copy of The Sun next to the bath.

You got bubbles?

JONNY. I didn’t put.

BILLIE. I need to go.

JONNY. Hold it. Five minutes, Bill.

BILLIE. I’m desperate.

JONNY. What number?

BILLIE. Just a one.

JONNY. You’ll have to wait.

BILLIE. I need a wee. Is it my fault I need a wee? You can’t be annoyed at me for needing to go toilet. I should be annoyed at you.

JONNY. Is that right?

BILLIE. If you was a doctor or a lawyer we’d have a house with five bathrooms and I could wee whenever I liked.

Beat.

JONNY. One minute.

Don’t come in.

JONNY runs the tap, pours in half a bottle of Radox, froths the bubbles up while they talk.

BILLIE. It’s early to be in the bath anyway.

JONNY. Just give it a second, I’ve put bubbles.

BILLIE. Who has a bath a four o’clock?

JONNY. Old people.

BILLIE. You’re not old. Not compared to the other dads. Rachel Axdale says her sister thinks you’re ten out of ten. She’s a massive skank though.

JONNY. Billie!

BILLIE. What? It’s true, Dad! She’ll do it with anyone and she doesn’t even make them bag it up.

JONNY. Don’t talk like that it’s vile.

BILLIE. She’s vile. Rachel said she caught Helen crying in her bedroom the other day and when she looked down on the floor there was green gunk / in her dirty knickers.

JONNY. Behave.

Beat.

Whose knickers?

BILLIE. Helen’s obviously. The one who fancies you.

JONNY. Do you really think this conversation is appropriate?

BILLIE. I don’t do anything wrong and I get an earful and Helen Axdale’s getting all sympathy and thrush cream from her mum. She makes documentaries for Channel 4 though so she’s probably quite used to stuff like that.

JONNY. Right.

BILLIE. Did you find anything today?

JONNY. Not really.

BILLIE. Was you looking properly?

JONNY. No I was looking with my eyes closed.

BILLIE. You know what I mean.

JONNY. Don’t start.

BILLIE. I’m not.

Beat.

It’s just a job won’t land in your lap. You need to try a bit.

JONNY. You’re trying enough for the both of us.

BILLIE. Rachel’s dad works at the university, I could ask him?

JONNY. I haven’t got two O levels to rub together, what am I gonna be doing at a university?

BILLIE. They might need cleaners or something.

JONNY. I tore the ligaments in my shoulder, Billie, I can’t be scrubbing floors. I’ve got limited options right now, you know that.

BILLIE. I know. I just worry.

He arranges the bubbles to make sure they cover him.

JONNY. Yeah well leave the worrying to me alright. They’re done. (The bubbles.)

BILLIE enters. Small, serious, wears school uniform. She lifts the seat, pees.

Anyway I have got some good news. I spoke to my claims geezer and he said it could be up to twenty thousand. He’s sure we’ll get it.

BILLIE. They said that six months ago.

JONNY. These things take time. It’ll be worth it though for twenty grand. What shall we do with it? Buy you a car if you want.

BILLIE. We should use it for a deposit. On a house. If you got a proper job we could get a mortgage.

JONNY. You’re no fun.

BILLIE. We could though.

JONNY. Don’t get all…

BILLIE. What?

JONNY. What we eating tonight?

BILLIE. I think I’ll just have a snack.

JONNY. You’re not on a diet again?

BILLIE. No.

JONNY. You was a nightmare last time.

BILLIE. I’m not on a diet, Dad.

JONNY. Women are always on diets. They don’t work you know.

BILLIE. I know, that’s why I’m not on one. I just don’t have much time before I go out.

Beat.

JONNY. What do you mean?

She wipes herself, pulls up her knickers. JONNY averts his eyes. She washes her hands in his bath water.

BILLIE. I mean I’m going out.

JONNY. Out?

BILLIE. You know out, Dad. Beyond the front / door.

JONNY. It’s Friday.

BILLIE. I know.

JONNY. How rude.

BILLIE. W...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Contents
• Original Production
• Thanks
• Dedication
• Yous Two
• About the Author
• Copyright and Performing Rights Information