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[—] at the start of a line indicates a new voice
[—] mid-sentence indicates a change in thought
[—] at the end of a line indicates being cut off
[—] followed by a blank line indicates a marked silence
Written for an all-female cast of roughly five actors.
Unless explicitly referring to one another, characters address the audience.
Set: a chair.
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— This is what a feminist looks like.
— This is what a feminist looks like.
— No. This is what a feminist looks like.
—
— Anyone or anything can be a feminist.
— A she, a he, a they —
— This chair, for example, could be a feminist.
— This chair has feminist qualities.
— It’s a strong chair.
— A good role model for other chairs.
— This Chair Can.
— It is what it is.
— An inanimate object.
— This chair has been built by a person.
— Or assembled in a factory.
— Painted by a person.
— Or sprayed by some sort of machine.
— Someone, somewhere, designed this chair.
— A she, a he, a they —
— And if, for example, the person who designed, built, and/or painted this chair had branded it with, for example, the word Cunt —
— Does anyone here have a problem with the word Cunt?
— Perhaps the chair would like to reclaim the word Cunt.
— No doubt the chair has been in contact with many cunts.
— Perhaps the chair has been called a Cunt and thrown across the room.
— Perhaps its leg fell off.
— Perhaps someone fixed it with wood glue.
— And now it’s fine.
—
—
—
— It is a very fine-looking chair.
— I’m sorry, did the chair ask for your opinion?
— I was paying it a compliment.
— The chair didn’t ask for your opinion.
— The chair is an inanimate object and is therefore incapable of asking for an opinion.
— A person can choose whether or not to objectify herself or himself or themself but this chair has no choice.
—
— Fine. It’s an ugly chair anyway.
—
— Useful but ugly.
— Functional.
— This chair was not built for the male gaze.
— Does that make it a feminist chair?
— I typed hashtag Feminism into Twitter and the first post I saw said: Feminism Is The Desperate Try Of Ugly Women To Become Attractive To Men.
— And yet there are men in this audience and they are looking at this chair.
— They see it as an object.
— Because it is an object.
— But they don’t want to fuck the chair.
— Or maybe they do.
— Does anyone here want to fuck this chair?
—
— To someone, somewhere, this chair is a thing of beauty.
— A thing. Exactly.
— Ugliness is in the eye of the beholder.
— There’s nothing wrong with Ugly.
— The world needs Ugly, otherwise Beauty doesn’t exist.
— Just like Heaven wouldn’t exist without Hel...
