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ACT ONE
Darkness.
The sound of a high-speed train approaching. As it reaches maximum, the light comes up to reveal CLAIR talking on the phone at night in her tiny flat. The train passes right outside the window. Only as it recedes can we hear her speak.
CLAIR.ā¦simply that we are in the middle of it and so of course thereās a certain amount of aggression which we must deal with. We must deal with it but
Aggression, aggression, aggression not
Aggression, not violence. Simply simply
Please listen to me: not violence, simply that that that peopleās yes their feelings are aroused, their feelings are naturally aroused and so it is a strain, it is a stress, yes, to deal, undeniably, to deal with people, yes. But
that
that
that is what I enjoy. That is what I am good at, okay? What āriskā? Youāre being ridiculous.
Sound of a train approaching. She raises her voice.
Iām not angry. Iām not angry, Iām just trying to explainā¦ okay, I sound angry, but Iām not angry, Iām just trying to explain one or two things, one or two things aboutā¦
The train passes, making it momentarily impossible to speak.
ā¦one or two things about what? (Laughs.)
What young man? What young man? Come on, come on, there is no āyoung manā.
Toby? (Laughs.) Toby is history. I will never forgive him for what happened in the restaurant.
What? Didnāt I tell you? Didnāt I tell you what happened in the restaurant? The bill? Okay, thereās what? six of us? eight of us? in this smart Italian place (are you sure I didnāt tell you about this?)
Okay, so weāre celebrating opening the new office (because suddenly weāve got new offices opening everywhere ā itās insane) and anyway
Anyway, when the bill comes the assumption quite naturally is that we will divide it, we will divide it by six or by eight or by however many of us there are.
As you do. Exactly. But then Toby, Toby, Toby starts this business where he says that the two of us (as if weāre some kind of married couple) that the two of us have had less than the others.
Exactly. Of course itās not appropriate, But he asks for the menu back and he makes (can you believe this?) makes everyone calculate their own separate totals at which point I want to
Well exactly: die. And of course the separate totals no way do they add up to the exact amount on the bill. But he wonāt let it rest, he just goes on and on and on about who drank this, who ate thatā¦
Sound of train approaching. She raises her voice.
ā¦who had coffee, who didnāt have coffee. And the worst thing is that I am drawn into this, I am sucked into this, because Toby is implicating me in this mad mad mad, this madā¦ thing.
The train passes. CLAIR rummages in her bag.
Yup, yup, yup, of course Iām listening. Iām just looking forā¦ Iām just looking forā¦
No I am not ālooking for a cigaretteā. You know Iāve given up.
She produces a cigarette.
Yes, I promise you Iāve given up. Iām just ā one momentā¦
She rummages for her lighter.
Of course Iām still here, just I canāt find my diaryā¦
Yes, yes ā diary ā diary ā should be here in my bagā¦
I am not lying. I know it kills you. And thatās why Iāve stopped, okay? (Brightly.) Listen, did I tell you Iāve decorated?
Thatās right. Bank Holiday Monday. Iāve done the whole place in a kind ofā¦ (Looks round the room.) a kind ofā¦ well I suppose itās what youād call neutral, itās not really a colour, itās a kind of nothing, just a kind of nothing sort of what?
Live with it? I wonāt be living with it.
Yes I know Iāve only just bought it, but I didnāt buy it to live in it, I bought it to sell it, as you well know. And anyway, whatās wrong with neutral?
A train passes, but faintly in the distance. She tips out the contents of her bag, finds lighter, clicks it, no flame.
Sorry? I was dreaming. What?
Well I know you and Dad wouldnātāve thought that way. I know you were grateful just to have a home. I know you had to economise. I know you had to make sacrifices but the worldās just not like that any more. Why should we make sacrifices? Sacrifices for what? I donāt have anyone to make sacrifices for, and I certainly donāt intend to sacrifice myself thank you very much. And I happen to be very happy with my life.
Well Iām sorry. Iām sorry if I donāt sound happy. Just tell me what āhappyā sounds like ā okay?
Well exactly. Thank you. And besides, itās not for ever.
Selling houses. Itās not for ever. Who knows what Iāll do? Maybe make a killing and justā¦ disappear.
(Laughs.) Thatās right. Vanish.
Sound of a train approaching. CLAIR goes to the window. (Laughs.) Of course you can come too. Iāll buy you both a mansion on the beach.
Exactly: right next to the water.
All that sand and blue sea.
She laughs and turns to the window.
At the moment of the trainās maximum impact: blackout.
The rush and whine of the train continues ā finally fading away as the light comes up on the n...
