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Scene One
I’m Tim
And I’m his husband Chris
We’ve been together
During that time
Chris has slept with
He knows this
Because Chris keeps a list
He records a name
(If he knows it)
Age
Nationality
Profession
(He always knows what they do)
Any interesting facts
Number Thirty-Two applied unsuccessfully
To be on Great British Bake-Off
And whether
During their encounter
They fucked him
Or he fucked them
Tim
On the other hand
Does not keep a list
He has never kept a list
Partly because before he met me
He had already slept with
Forty to fifty men
He can sometimes recall names
He never thinks about position
Because he’s almost always a top
The oldest person Chris has slept with is forty-five
The youngest is nineteen
Tim claims he has never slept with anyone
Over the age of thirty-five
This is Open
One British
One an actor
(Oh no)
(We don’t work together often)
(Probably wouldn’t end well)
(Orton and Halliwell?)
(Whack whack)
This is a story about
How we fell in love
Got civilly partnered
Then married
Pledged our commitment
To one another
All the while sleeping with
Collectively
About one hundred and thirty people
It’s a story about
It’s definitely a story about sex
Trust and respect
Communication and commitment
As well as
Truth
We’ll start with some truth
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Scene Two
This is the first record we have
Of our relationship
CHRIS has a member of the audience read the following aloud:
Would you mind reading this aloud?
Wednesday October 21
2009
At 11:54 p.m.
IKEA_lampshade
you have a new message from
Timothy333
To read it
Click the following link
Remember that you
Can only use the contact form
If you’ve purchased a subscription
Chris debated for
Twenty-seven hours and six minutes
About what to do
In the end though
CHRIS hands another audience member the following:
Dear Subscriber
Thank you for purchasing
A one-month Guardian Soulmates subscription
Transactions for the value of:
£22.45
This is our first
Recorded communication
October 23
12:49 a.m.
Tim
Thanks for your message
My MA is in Chinese literature
I’m studying at the
School of Oriental and African Studies
(SOAS)
Sunday
(Before three)
Would work best for me
Though Monday after seven
Could work too
Chris
10:58 a.m.
Hi there Chris
Sunday would be lovely
Maybe a late-morning coffee?
I also weirdly live between
Turnpike Lane and Seven Sisters
So maybe we could head towards
Crouch End
On the 41 bus
And get coffee there?
Look forward to hearing from you
Tim
The 41 bus is convenient for me
Which stop?
Let’s meet outside
Turnpike Lane Tube
And get the bus from there
See...
