The Changing Room

Chris Bush

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2019
• Print ISBN: 9781848428775
• eBook ISBN: 9781788501903
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

'We stand on the edge
On the threshold of
On the entrance to
Stepping out from
On the cusp…'

Set in and around a swimming pool, Chris Bush's play The Changing Room follows a group of teenagers full of excitement, impatience and uncertainty. They know change is coming, but not what it'll look like.

Written specifically for young people, The Changing Room was part of the 2018 National Theatre Connections Festival and was premiered by youth theatres across the UK. It offers opportunities for a large, flexible cast of any size or mix of genders, and incorporates chorus work and music. No swimming pool required.

This edition of The Changing Room includes the words and music to Chris Bush's original songs, arranged by Matt Winkworth.

Intro

A line of changing cubicles runs along the back of the stage. Some space in front of them. Perhaps the audience are sitting where the pool would be, but equally the ‘pool’ itself could be incorporated into the design. The COMPANY emerge from the changing rooms, glancing around nervously. One figure (A) steps forward, breaking out of line. They move as if to dip their toe in the water. As they do so, the lights snap to focus on them.

A. Easter – um, it’s the Easter holidays last year, it’s the morning of my fifteenth birthday and we’re staying over at my cousin’s in Bradford. I wake up early – dead early – barely light, look out of the window and there’s snow. Actual snow. Proper snow. Totally untouched – not another soul in sight. I know it might not last once the sun’s up fully so I run into my cousin’s bedroom and I’m shaking her and I’m saying ‘look at this – trust me – just come with me – you’ve got to see this’. And I drag her, cos she is… I literally have to drag her through to the window with her mouthing off at me, which takes forever, and by the time we finally get back there there’s a man having a piss against a wall and a dog’s shat in the middle of the road. She looks at me and she says:

Welcome to adulthood.

Straight into:

PART 1. ANTICIPATION

Lights up fully. A rush of energy as the COMPANY surge forward. This opening number has a youthful, punkish energy to it – even slightly childish. All the better if the company can also form the ‘band’, playing live.

Song: ‘Are We Nearly There Yet?’

COMPANY. ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET?

ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET?

DRAGGING YOUR HEELS AND KICKING THE SEAT

ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET?

ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET?

FIVE LITTLE WORDS ON A CONSTANT REPEAT

AND THE CAR’S TOO HOT

AND YOU MOVE TOO SLOW

AND YOUR THROAT IS PARCHED

AND YOUR SPIRIT’S LOW

AND YOU’RE FEELING TRAPPED

AND YOU NEED SOME AIR

AND YOU CAN’T WAIT TO GET OUT OF THERE

SO ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET?

ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET?

SINGING THE WORLD’S MOST ANNOYING SONG

ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET?

ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET?

COS THERE’S NO WAY IT SHOULD TAKE THIS LONG

AND THE SEATBELT STICKS

YOU CAN’T SEE THE VIEW

AND YOUR STOMACH’S SICK

AND YOU NEED THE LOO

AND YOUR DAD IS TUTTING

AT EVERY SOUND

AND HE SAYS ‘I’LL TURN THIS CAR AROUND’

A slightly more reflective middle eight.

AND I DON’T KNOW WHERE

THIS ROAD IS TAKING ME

I CAN’T TELL IF THE JOURNEY

WILL PROVE TO BE WORTHWHILE

I LOOK AROUND ME FOR SIGNS

BUT THE ONLY THING I SEE

IS TRAFFIC STRETCHED OUT FOR MILES

FOR MILES AND MILES AND MILES

Back into the high-octane chorus.

SO ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET?

ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET?

SINGING THE WORLD’S MOST ANNOYING SONG

ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET?

ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET?

COS THERE’S NO WAY IT SHOULD TAKE THIS LONG

ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET?

ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET?

ARE WE NEARLY THERE?

Song ends.

We stand on the edge

On the threshold of

On the entrance to

Stepping out from

On the cusp

And it’s like

Sometimes it’s like at an airport –

Like border control –

That long line that snakes –

They snap into a long, bored line. Someone breaks out as an airport OFFICIAL to manage the queue.

OFFICIAL. Wait there. Hold it there please.

COMPANY. Teasing you with the promise

Of what might lie beyond –

OFFICIAL. Next!

They shuffle forward.

COMPANY. And that weird guilty feeling

That you’re somehow in the wrong

On and on and on

In clothes that are either too hot or too cold

That someone told you you wouldn’t want to wear –

A. Thanks Mum, that really helps now, yeah.

COMPANY. Inch by agonising inch we go

Dragging bags that squeak across the floor

And everything’s so slow

And though you know the fun part

Starts just beyond those doors

You could still be a world away –

Trapped in stasis

Waiting for decontamination –

To be sprayed down by the men in hazmat suits

Who strip the child out and pump the adult in

Waiting.

Always so much waiting.

It’s the moment when the train’s stopped

But the doors still haven’t opened

And how can it take this long?

Come on!

And what do you do to fill those d...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title page
• Contents
• Acknowledgements
• Author’s Note
• The Changing Room
• Music
• About the Author
• Copyright and Performing Rights Information