UTA
UTA. My first impression of Paul was that he took up half the room. I mean the personality of him. His eyes were alive, his confidence bounced off the walls and his smile was bright enough to light a fire. He was also incredibly smart. I thought, āHe ought to be a politician.ā Later, when I saw him speaking at a rally, I realised that he already was one.
It started like this: Peggy had brought Joe and me for Paul to look us over for her production of Othello: Joe as Iago, me as Desdemona, Paul as star of the show. Joe and I got Paulās approval and we played the Shubert Theatre for two hundred and ninety-six performances: the longest Shakespeare run ever known on Broadway, after which we took the play on a coast-to-coast tour. By then, a lot had changed between all three of us.
INDIANAPOLIS
UTA in a hotel bedroom, unpacking a suitcase.
UTA. Have you no idea what Iām talking about?
JOE, who is out of sight in the bathroom, calls back to her:
JOE. The water was running. What did you say?
UTA. There was an evening dress in the window of the store next door.
JOE. Why didnāt I see it?
UTA. You were ringing the bell for the night-porter and he wasnāt answering.
JOE. So whatās it like?
UTA. Itās an iridescent, sea-green, spangly dress. Iāve never seen one like it anywhere.
JOE. When would you wear a thing like that?
UTA. Parties, like tonight. Receptions, dinners. Weāve been to a whole stack of those and I feel dowdy as hell compared to the other women. I think Iāll get it in the morning.
JOE. Whatāll it cost?
UTA. A hundred dollars.
JOE comes out of the bathroom.
JOE. A hundred dollars? Are you serious?
UTA. I need to look good, Joe. Iām an actress. Iām on show.
JOE. Iām an actor and do you know what my tuxedo cost? Not to mention the shirt and shoes and the bow tie? Forty dollars the lot. One hundred dollars is ridiculous.
UTA. Donāt worry! Iāll pay for it!
JOE. What makes you think you can afford it?
UTA. Of course I can. I get the same as you.
JOE. Weāve got expenses, Uta. Do you know the interest on our loan? Do you know how many cheques I sent off this week? I donāt want to argue about it. This was one of the most seriously annoying days of my life. Have you got any cigarettes? Give me your bag.
UTA. We smoked them all.
JOE. Shit.
Pause.
Thereās a machine in the lobby.
UTA. Itās broken.
JOE. Dammit, Iām tired.
Pause.
UTA. Joe.
JOE. Mm-hm?
UTA. Why donāt I know if I can afford a dress?
JOE. Not that again.
UTA. Why donāt I even know if Iāve got a hundred dollars? Is that a stupid question?
JOE. Itās not profoundly stupid, but I canāt help wondering why you never asked it before.
UTA. Because it seems to me likeā¦
JOE. Sweetheart, if you want to write our cheques and read the statements and the bills, you go right on ahead, nobodyās stopping you. Iām just saving you the trouble.
UTA. Itās no trouble, Joe, but it seems to me that itās only normal for an adult woman to know how much money sheās got.
JOE. But with a married couple, one partner can take on certain responsibilities while the other partner takes on the rest of them. Have you ever wondered why youāre on six hundred a week for the tour?
UTA. Isnāt it what they offered?
JOE. Au contraire. I renegotiated. Youād be on three-fifty if I hadnāt held out, and so would I. Thatās five hundred dollars a week more than we would have gotten without my efforts. So maybe youāll allow me some modest influence on the spending of it.
UTA. I didnāt know aboutā¦
JOE. ⦠no, you didnāt, because I didnāt choose to brag about it. I also renegotiated our billing. You havenāt objected to our names going above the title.
UTA. I donāt give a damn where my name goes.
JOE. Well you ought to give a damn, because billing is status and status is money.
UTA. I donāt give a damn about money either.
JOE. Yes, you do. You want a hundred dollars for a dress. Is that money or is it not?
The telephone rings.
UTA. That must be Paul.
JOE. Tell him weāve got some rum up here if he wants to look in.
She answers the phone.
UTA. Hello? Oh, itās you!
(To JOE.) Itās Peggy.
(On the phone.) No, weāre wide awake, weāve just arrived. It was aā¦
(To JOE.) She says can she come up?
JOE. Tell her itās okay.
UTA. Thatās fine. Room 824, just by the elevator.
Rings off.
Before she arrivesā¦
JOE. Iām not gonna talk about this now.
UTA. ⦠whatās puzzling me is that I donāt remember paying even one of my paycheques into a bank.
JOE. I pay them in. Have you only just noticed?
UTA. What do you pay them in to?
JOE. First Americanā¦
UTA. No, not which bank! Which bank account�
JOE. Ours, sweetheart. Our bank account. Where else would the money go? Look, Peggyās coming up soā¦
UTA. Is it my bank account as well as yours?
JOE. Yes, in effect.
UTA. What effect are you talking about?
JOE. Oh, for Godās sake, Utaā¦
UTA. Is my name printed at the bottom of the cheques?
JOE. No, why would it be? You donāt write cheques. Youāve never written a cheque in your life.
UTA. Soā¦
JOE. Listen to me. The name on the cheques is mine.
UTA. What, all of it?
JOE. What are you�
Rather satirically, UTA spells out his name to its full extent.
UTA. āJosĆ© Vicente Ferrer de Otero y Cintrón?ā
JOE. It says āJosĆ© Ferrerā, okay? Because itās my account in a technical sense. Look, I donāt want Peggy bursting in while weāreā¦
UTA. So how come my paycheques end up in your bank account?
JOE. Itās how it works, sweetie. I endorse them for you. On the back of the paycheque. Six hundred dollars, less deductions.
UTA. What do you write on the back of the paycheque?
JOE. What do you think? I write āUta fucking Hagenā. As a result of which, you get use of the money, whichā¦
UTA. You forge my signature!
JOE. Uta, I do notā¦
UTA. Youāve got no right to do that!
JOE. Itās purely a way ofā¦
UTA. Week after week after week you have been⦠What kind of idiot do you think I am?
JOE. Good, fine, weāll change the system!
UTA. You call that a system?
JOE. Donāt worry, itās all gonna be different! You pay the bills, you pay the carer, you pay the gardener, you get the roof fixed. Fuck it, Uta! Fuck it all! Itās been a long fucking day and I am sick of it!
A knock on the door.
UTA. Let her in.
JOE. You let her in.
UTA opens the door. PEGGY comes in. Slacks, shirt, cardigan. UTA and JOE are pleased enough to see her, but echoes of their row hang on in the air.
PEGGY. Thank God, youāve arrived. Iāve been so worried about the ...