![]()
1
Total darkness.
Then â a huge halogen floodlight begins to flicker.
SEBASTIAN and CLARYSSA appear suddenly, frozen: holding hands, staring up at the light in terror and wonder.
The light flickers off.
2
CLARYSSA and SEBASTIAN, side by side.
SEBASTIAN stares at CLARYSSA.
CLARYSSA looks away, ignoring him.
SEBASTIAN. Hey.
Pause.
Hey, Claryssa. Hey.
Pause.
CLARYSSA ignores him.
CLLLLLLaryssa. CLLLLL â (Searches.) Chlorine. CLLLLL â (Searches.) Chlamydia. CLLLL â (Searches.) Clearasil. Ha-ha, Clearasil.
Pause.
(Softly.) Claryssa. Claryssa.
Pause.
(Loud.) CLARYSSA.
Pause.
Are you ignoring me, Claryssa?
Pause.
Claryssa, are you ignoring me?
Pause.
SEBASTIAN takes a huge breath â his cheeks puff out.
There is a long pause.
Gradually his face turns red.
CLARYSSA. Stop it, Sebastian.
Stop it.
Iâm not talking to you.
Iâm not talking to you, no matter what. So you can just give up right now.
His face turns purpleâŚ
Sebastian. SEBASTIAN!
Stop it, Sebastian!
STOP IT! STOP IT! SEBASTIAN, STOP IT!
He pleads with her.
FINE!
SEBASTIAN exhales, laughing.
Oh my God, you are so annoying.
SEBASTIAN. HA-HA-HA.
CLARYSSA. SO fucking annoying. Your head looks disgusting when you do that.
SEBASTIAN. Does it?
CLARYSSA. It looks like youâre going to pop.
SEBASTIAN. Sweet.
CLARYSSA. Um. No. Itâs gross, actually. Itâs completely gross.
SEBASTIAN. At least I can help it.
CLARYSSA. What?
SEBASTIAN. â If my face looks gross. HA-HA.
CLARYSSA. OH, get / fucked!
SEBASTIAN (laughing). AT LEAST I CAN HELP IT IF MY FACE LOOKS GROSS. HA-HA-HA. HA-HA-HA! HA-HAâ
CLARYSSA punches him.
OW! Ow, Claryssa! Ow! That effing HURT.
CLARYSSA. Then stop being a prick.
SEBASTIAN. Youâre such a psycho. I wasnât even doing anything.
CLARYSSA. You were pissing me off!
SEBASTIAN. Youâre so mean. Iâm going to get a bruise.
CLARYSSA. Itâs not my fault youâre a little pussy.
SEBASTIAN. Itâs not my fault youâve got huge guns.
She punches him again.
AHH! That was exactly the same spot!
She punches him again.
AHHHHHH! CLARYSSA! Donât!!!
SEBASTIAN starts to cough violently.
Pause.
CLARYSSA holds out a handkerchief.
CLARYSSA. Spit.
She holds out a handkerchief. He spits into it.
SEBASTIAN. Is it�
CLARYSSA. Blood.
SEBASTIAN. A lot?
CLARYSSA. Quite a lot.
SEBASTIAN. I feel okay.
CLARYSSA. You look okay.
SEBASTIAN. Can you not ignore me please?
CLARYSSA. Youâre so clueless!
SEBASTIAN. What?
CLARYSSA. You think this is fun for me?
SEBASTIAN. What did I do?
CLARYSSA. SHUT UP, SEBASTIAN!
Beat.
Whenever they talk about you at school⌠Whenever I hear your name, even⌠I feel sick. I feel so, so sick. Like my heart just vommed everywhere.
SEBASTIAN. Gross.
CLARYSSA. SHUT UP.
Beat.
And the thing is⌠I think about you⌠All the time.
I just⌠I close my eyes⌠I start to drift⌠And Iâm â
Floodlight.
SEBASTIAN (whispered). âClaryssa. Claryssa.â
CLARYSSA.âŚIâm in my bedroom. And thereâs a tapping at the window.
SEBASTIAN. âTalk to me, Claryssa. Claryssa. Please talk to me.â
Pause.
CLARYSSA. And then weâre back here. Weâre back at the start. And we have to do it all again.
SEBASTIAN. Do what again?
CLARYSSA. Right from the start.
SEBASTIAN. Do what? What is it?
CLARYSSA. I canât tell you.
SEBASTIAN. Why?
CLARYSSA. Because you wonât want to do it.
SEBASTIAN. Why?
CLARYSSA. Because it hurts.
EBASTIAN. So?
CLARYSSA. And youâre a pussy.
SEBASTIAN. Youâre the pussy. Iâm hella bad, bitch.
CLARYSSA. Donât call me a bitch, you little bitch.
SEBASTIAN. Donât call me a bitch, you big bitch.
CLARYSSA. I swear, Sebastian. If you donât shut the fuck up I will kick your ass.
SEBASTIAN. Youâll what?
CLARYSSA. Iâll kick your ass.
SEBASTIAN. Youâll â youâll lick my ass?
CLARYSSA. Iâll KICK your ass.
SEBASTIAN. Youâll lick my ass?
CLARYSSA. IâLL KICK YOUR ASS.
SEBASTIAN. Thatâs gross! Why would you even want to lick my â ?
CLARYSSA punches SEBASTIAN in the head.
3
SEBASTIAN. AH!!!
CLARYSSA. âOOOOOOH, SORRY, BRUV!!!â
SEBASTIAN. What was that for?! I didnât even do anything!
CLARYSSA. It wasnât me. It was Clinton.
SEBASTIAN. Awww. Itâs a sandwich.
CLARYSSA. Throwing shit at you.
SEBASTIAN. Itâs tuna. Iâm gonna stink!
CLARYSSA. Heâs like â (Clinton.) âDID I HIT YOU, BRUV? â AWW, I WAS AIMING FOR THE BIN!â
SEBASTIAN. And youâre like â (Claryssa, screeching.) âTHATâS NOT EVEN FUNNY, CLINTON!â
CLARYSSA. I donât sound like that!
SEBASTIAN (Claryssa). âYOU CHAV PRICK!â
CLARYSSA. I DONâT SOUND LIKE THAT!
SEBASTIAN (laughing). Yes you do!
CLARYSSA (Clinton). âEYYY, SHITTY! SHIT-BASTIAN! YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR WOMAN IN CHECK, YEAH?! SHEâS A PSYCHO!â
SEBASTIAN. âHa-ha-ha!â
CLARYSSA. And Iâm like â âThatâs fucking IT, Iâm gonna take him.â
SEBASTIAN. âStop it! Youâre embarrassing me!â
CLARYSSA. âDonât let him shit on you! Heâs a fucking chav!â
SEBASTIAN. âShut up!â
CLARYSSA...