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ACT ONE
1. Prosperity
BEAUTYās MOTHER walks centre stage.
The stage is bare except for a beautiful model 18th-century French city house.
And a full porcelain tea service.
As the family introduce themselves to us, it is as if we were new neighbours invited around for tea.
This whole section is a kind of dance. Formal and precise.
MOTHER. Long ago, in a city far away, there lived a merchant . . .
Inviting FATHER ā a merchant ā to join her.
FATHER (moving on stage, with great pride). . . . who was so successful in all his business speculations that he grew enormously rich!
MOTHER (ironically). Which was lucky because he had six children! Three boys! And three girls!
FATHER. The oldest boy . . .
BROTHER 1 (painfully embarrassed). Was tall and shy.
FATHER. He loved to study.
MOTHER. He was always buried in some new hobby.
FATHER. His latest passion being . . .
BROTHER 1 (with telescope). Astronomy!
Did you know, that the galaxy beyond the Milky Way, is 476 million light years away, and that you can see 5, 786 million other galaxies through this telescope?
MOTHER. That ās enough now. Come and sit down. Thereās a good boy.
BROTHER 1. But Mama, I donāt want to sit down.
FATHER. Donāt disobey your Mother. (BROTHER 1 sits.) Thereās a good boy.
FATHER. The Merchantās second son . . .
MOTHER. Loved all kinds of sport . . .
FATHER. He spent his days hitting balls and
MOTHER. Going on cross-country runs . . .
FATHER. He loved to . . .
BROTHER 2 (climbing to some frighteningly high vantage point in the theatre). Climb mountains.
MOTHER. Oh dear. Do be careful. Couldnāt you come down now.
BROTHER 2. But Mama I donāt want to come down.
FATHER. Donāt disobey your Mother. (He climbs down.) Thereās a good boy.
MOTHER. The youngest boy . . .
FATHER. Was dreadfully indulged by his Mother.
MOTHER. Now, letās make you look smart, young man.
MOTHER is brushing the hair of BROTHER 3 and sorting out his clothes.
She doesnāt hear the criticisms of the other male members of the family.
BROTHER 3 is delightfully aware of whatās going on.
BROTHER 1. Heās always being naughty.
BROTHER 2. But he never gets told off.
MOTHER. You must do up your top button or youāll catch cold dear.
BROTHER 3. But Mama I donāt want to do up my top button.
MOTHER. All right then, darling. Never mind.
FATHER. The Merchant loved his sons.
MOTHER. But his pride and joy were . . .
FATHER. His three daughters.
SISTER 1. The eldest was devastatingly . . .
BROTHER 1. Conceited . . .
SISTER 1. Beautiful.
FATHER. She was also gloriously . . .
BROTHER 2. Spiteful.
SISTER 1. Intelligent.
FATHER. She was always top of the class because
BROTHER 3. She cheated in her exams.
BROTHER 1. And copied other peoples homework.
SISTER 1. She worked so hard. And read so many books.
FATHER. Her school report was full of . . .
BROTHER 1. Lies!
SISTER 1. Embarrassing praise!
BROTHER 2. Lies!
SISTER 2. And . . .
BROTHER 3. Complete . . .
SISTER 1. Admiration!
BROTHER 1. Nonsense!
FATHER. Well done darling. You are so so so clever.
SISTER 1. And beautiful.
FATHER. Yes yes yes of course.
MOTHER. The Merchantās second daughter was . . .
SISTER 2. Very different to her elder sister.
FATHER. She was less interested in her studies.
SISTER 1. She could hardly read.
FATHER. She was an elegant and refined . . .
BROTHER 1. Monster.
SISTER 2. Young lady.
FATHER. She was exceptionally . . .
BROTHER 2. Cruel.
SISTER 2. Gifted.
FATHER. As a dancer. She had a live-in ballet master.
SISTER 2 (she does a little bit of ballet for us). The other great passion of her life was . . .
SISTER 1. Vanity.
SISTER 2. Fashion.
BROTHER 2. Spending Fatherās money.
SISTER 2. And cosmetics.
MOTHER. The two eldest girls were either the very best of friends.
SISTER 1. Promise to be my best best best friend until you die!
SISTER 2. Of course my dearest dearest darlingest sister!
MOTHER. Or the worst of enemies.
SISTER 2. You are the ugliest stupidest . . .
BROTHER 1. Papa, theyāre rowing again.
SISTER 1. I will pull out your stupid liver . . .
BROTHER 2. Mama thereās going to be a fight.
SISTER 1. And feed it to the cats.
BROTHER 1. Papa!
SISTER 2. Iām going to set fire to your hair!
The GIRLS launch themselves at each other and just as they are about to make contact we hear a baby crying. It is BEAUTY. She is represented as a bundle of silk in her MOTHER āS arms. The actress playing BEAUTY walks behind her MOTHER and makes all the relevant sounds.
BROTHER 1. If the two eldest girls could never agree on anything for very long . . .
BROTHER 3. There was one thing which united them . . .
BROTHER 2. Always . . .
BROTHER 3. Always and forever . . .
FATHER. And that was the birth of the Merchantās third daughter.
MOTHER. Even as a tiny baby.
FATHER. The youngest daughter seemed so wise.
MOTHER. And so confident. The first word she ever spoke was . . .
BEAUTY. Beauty.
FATHER. Shall we call her Beauty?
SISTER 1. The eldest girls were absolutely furious!
SISTER 2. Papa, Beauty is not a proper name!
SISTER 1. I think she should be called crying blob!
SISTER 2. Crying smelly blob!
SISTER 1. Papa, canāt we send her back now?
SISTER 2. Papa, why donāt we have her adopted?
MOTHER. The Fatherās sons doted on their Mother . . .
FATHER. And worshipped their Father!
BROTHER 1. They listened in wonder to his tales of . . .
BROTHER 2. Dangero...
