CHAPTER ONE
Preparing for Change
First Impressions Matter
When I think of first impressions, I think of Qumbya Housing Cooperative. Kumbya, like the spiritual, only colonizer cute, with a Q. I was nineteen years old, the sort of age when you move to Chicago having never visited, when you apply for a room in a University of Chicagoâaffiliated co-op despite not being a student. I packed art supplies, an air mattress, and a few dresses into an oversized thrift-store suitcase and made my way from Albuquerque, New Mexico, to Chicagoâs South Side.
It was the smell that hit me first. Iâd later come to identify it as the adventurous approximation of ethnic vegetarian fare, but at the time, the door to Qumbyaâs three-story brownstone swung open and I inhaled a balmy waft of displacement, that instantaneous understanding that this place was not for people of color. Fifteen white housemates greeted me by the front staircase, their hands hennaed, their hair dreaded, their liberal hubris unchecked. âAn Indian princess is among us,â announced one of the young men. When I didnât smile, he snapped, âWhat!? I was being nice.â Then he abandoned English altogether, indicating my second-floor bedroom with a prolonged meow.
I didnât have the money to move out, and so I spent my first Chicago year in Qumbyaâs periphery, slipping in and out of communal spaces overly crowded with caricature: kimonos on Halloween, sombreros on Cinco de Mayo. They had a nickname for meâThe Liarâbecause a detail in my co-op application essay didnât compute, how the desert mountains can be both sun-soaked and snowy. The house culture was calculating, disciplined, with laminated signage on proper sponge use and math problems penned on toilet paper. I didnât add up, and so: The Liar. At the time I laughed, arguing, âNo, youâve got it all wrong,â but who was I kidding? I wasnât even vegetarian.
To avoid house meetings, Iâd go to the gym around the corner and sit in the sauna, fully clothed in my coat and boots, until someone complained, or else Iâd hang out in the Boston Market across the street, famished for meat. At home, Iâd do the minimum expected of me, with the exception of cleaning the second-floor bathroom, which was spotless, everyone said so, egging my anxiety about playing the stereotypical Mexican maid.
I lived in the co-op for a year, taking two buses and two trains from my white household through my Black neighborhood to a Puerto Rican high school, where I taught after-school writing workshops. When my lease was up, the house manager pulled me aside and said, âListen, Iâm sorry, but if youâre looking for a letter of rec for another co-op, I canât write it. You were a really bad member.â
I summon this memory when a student of color fails an assignment, when a student of color drops a class, when a student of color withdraws from school because they were âbad.â Not ostracized, demoralized, exasperated, lonely, or depressed. Just âbad.â
Back then, I was indignant, both at the prospect of living in a second co-opâOh hell no!âas well as the house managerâs assumption that Iâd ever been a member of the first. I was The Indian Princess, The Liar, The Maid. I was me as seen through their eyes. Membership necessitates mutual participation, but there wasnât vacancy in Qumbyaâs Cooperative for my authentic self.
âBut how did you know,â white allies have asked, âthat you didnât belong? Was it something someone said, or did?â In other words, wasnât my intuition that âplace x is not for people of colorâ just a prejudicial snap judgement?
The truth is, people of color have been doing this our whole lives, surviving by intuition, navigating spaces safe and unsafe. We knock at a door. The door opens, if weâre lucky. And just as quickly, it closes, not because of bruised egos, but because the collective infrastructure is not built to accommodate our bodies, histories, experiences, and opinions. Sometimes the infrastructure reinforces hostility and violence, sometimes itâs stares and silence, sometimes itâs âcolorblindâ meritocracy. Other times, like at Qumbya, itâs cultural appropriation, free of accountability. White colonialism takes up all the air, so much so that weâre forced to step outside to breathe. It doesnât matter if we play-act at home, as many of us do. The fact still remains, weâre outside looking in.
Like when teenagers Kanewakeron Thomas Gray and Skanahwati Lloyd Gray tour their dream college of Colorado State University, and campus police sequester and harass them because a white parent felt âthey donât belong.â1
Like when Smith undergraduate Oumou Kanoute eats lunch on break from her on-campus job, and a white staff member summons campus police because the girl âseem[ed] to be out of place.â2
Like when Yale graduate student Lolade Siyonbola falls asleep in her dormâs common room while working on an essay, and a white student calls campus police to âverify you belong here.â3
Like when University of MassachusettsâAmherst staff member Reginald Andrade arrives at his office, and campus police search his gym bag, interrogating him about his whereabouts after an anonymous claim that an âagitated African-Americanâ was on the premises.4
Like when Emory University professor George Yancy publishes an op-ed about his research on race in the New York Times, and receives hundreds of hate messages from white readers calling him âanother uppity Nigger.â5
Membership necessitates mutual participation. How can we possibly achieve membership when our presenceâthe feat of occupying space in brown skinâis deemed illegitimate? Weâre non-people, exploited for our optics, meant to be seen and not heard. The infrastructure cannot, will not, contain us.
The writing classroom is no exception. English classes, in particular, position people of color as âOtherâ in order to satisfy a meticulously curated white supremacist agenda: a âclassicalâ education. Kiese Laymon wrestles with the magnitude of racial bias in his early education in Heavy: An American Memoir:
⌠even before I actually met white folk, I met every protagonist, antagonist, and writer of all the stories I ever read in first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth grade. At the same time, I met Wonder Woman, the narrator on the The Wonder Years, Ricky from Silver Spoons, Booger from Revenge of the Nerds, Spock from Star Trek, Mallory from Family Ties, damn near all the coaches and owners of my favorite teams ⌠I met all the Jetsons, all the Flintstones, all the Beverly Hillbillies, the entire Full House, damn near everyone in Pee Weeâs Playhouse, all American Presidents, the dudes they said were Jesus and Adam, the women they said were the Virgin Mary and Eve, and all the characters on Grandmamaâs stories ⌠That meant we knew white folk. That meant white folk did not know us.6
This is what systematic institutional and cultural racism looks like. By the time people of color hit high school, weâre experts on the intricacies of real and imagined whiteness. And yet secondary and post-secondary English classes insist on an in-depth study of âthe classics,â a learning standard that privileges white narratives and reinforces white superiority. The fact that English Departments so often house creative writing programs proves problematic, for the infrastructure inherently biases workshop curriculum.
People of color know this, which is why so many of us opt out of enrollment. One glance at a creative writing course poster featuring a bust of Shakespeare or a white hand gripping a quill tells us all we need to know about the workshop leadersâ allegiances; a Visiting Writers Series flyer featuring majority white authors illustrates an overt devaluing of writers of color; a quick skim of a workshop syllabus with a majority white reading list attests to the oppressive infrastructure in place. These details matter, communicating to participants whether or not our classrooms are safe places for people of color.
First impressions matter.
Anti-racist workshop leaders, ask yourselves, if a person of color were to knock at my workshop door, would it slam shut in their face?
This chapter examines the implicit values embedded in our workshop course descriptions and syllabi, with the end goal of recruiting writers of color. A targeted redrafting of our core principlesâprinciples we often fail to seeâcoupled with the active recruitment of people of color, can result in a multicultural writing collective, one that appeals to writers and non-writers alike. Because whether or not participants identify as creative, their experiences are crucial to our collective narrative.
A Safe Space for Creative Concentration
When people of color receive an invitation to write, to exercise voice in public space, naturally weâre wary. Our lives are an exercise in repressionâthe everyday denial of voiceâso as to safeguard our bodies. By not speaking out, we reassure white people that we are inoffensive, nondisruptive, not at all how they see us, be it consciously or subconsciously; that is, as imbeciles, criminals, clowns, or whores. And we deny ourselves voice in order to avoid losing our shit. Because once we open our mouths, who knows whatâll come out, and when itâll stop. Our welfare depends on a cultural imperative of silence.
Thatâs why I just come out and say it: âTake my class! I teach an anti-racist writing workshop.â
I e-mail this message to student-led organizations and influential faculty members that support people of color, first-generation college students, feminists, activists, and queer and questioning students. The title of my e-mail? âA Safe Space for Creative Concentration.â I define âsafeâ as a studentâs right to retain their own authority, integrity, and personal artistic preferences throughout the creative writing process without fear of free-reining bigotry.
In the message, I share the story of my past frustrations in workshop, and then counter that narrative with my own approach. Mainly, that I believe that writing is a political act, and in order to honor that offering, we must consciously work against traditions of dominance and control in the creative writing classroom, curating safe spaces for participants to explore race, class, gender, and sexual orientation. Donât worry about being creative, I plead. Itâs not about that. Itâs about sharing our stories. We must be heard.
The first time I sent this e-mail, I was nervous as hell. I imagined the collective eye roll of my white colleagues: An anti-racist writing workshop? What does that even mean? It didnât help that I was new to campus. I couldnât rely on reputation to substantiate me. I felt vulnerable, wary of the backlash I might encounter.
But then I got that first response from a student, a quick-fire e-mail in all caps: âYES! IâM IN!â I didnât know this person, had never worked with him before, yet he understood without me even having to explain. At that moment I knew that I was on to something.
I wasnât crazy. It wasnât just me.
People of color need a collaborative artistic community to which they belong and feel safe; they need it, but they donât always know how to ask for it and are often unaware that alternatives exist. Itâs our responsibility as workshop leaders to verbalize our anti-racist agenda for them, in clear, unapologetic language, language that opens doors instead of closes them. We must reach out to people of color, openly differentiate our approach to the writing workshop, and then welcome them into our collective.
As opposed to the normârecruiting, exploiting, and then wholly disregarding a few token writers of color in an otherwise all white workshopâthe anti-racist approach demands that we dismantle the traditional infrastructure first, and then go about recruitment second.
To recruit writers of color, weâve got to be about it.
Being about it isnât easy, because weâre forced to articulate our writing workshop principles independent of the old infrastructure. Suddenly the way itâs always been done feels like a crutch; without it, we might stumble. That crutch is the âmonument of white ideologyâ of which Claudia Rankine writes in her essay, âIn Our Way: Racism in Creative Writingâ:
To maintain our many writing departments with their majority white faculty has, we often forget, taken conscious work, choice, and insistence. The perpetuation of white orientation, wh...