The School for Scandal

Richard Brinsley Sheridan

• Publisher: Dover Publications
• Year: 2012
• Print ISBN: 9780486266879
• eBook ISBN: 9780486153636
• Topic: Littérature
• Subtopic: Théâtre britannique

The intrigues of such aptly named characters as Lady Sneerwell, Sir Joseph Surface, Lady Candour, and Sir Benjamin Backbite have amused theater audiences for more than two centuries. They are the invention of the Irish-born playwright Richard Brinsley Sheridan, and they unfold, collide, and backfire hilariously in his masterpiece, The School for Scandal, a play still considered by many  the best comedy of manners in English.
It is a comedy with two plots, one involving Sir Oliver Surface's attempts to discover the worthier of his two nephews, and the other unleashing Lady Sneerwell's strategies to ensnare both nephews and the hapless Lady Teazle in her designs. Both plots converge brilliantly in the screen scene — one of the most famous in all of theater.
The School for Scandal reveals not only Sheridan's mastery of the mechanics of stage comedy, but also his flair for witty dialogue and obvious delight in skewering the affectation and pretentiousness of aristocratic Londoners of the 1770s. Its evergreen appeal makes it one of the most produced of all theater classics today, and one of the most delightful to read.

ACT V

Scene I.—The Library

Enter JOSEPH SURFACE and SERVANT.

JOSEPH. Mr. Stanley!—and why should you think I would see him? you must know he comes to ask something.

SERVANT. Sir, I should not have let him in, but that Mr. Rowley came to the door with him.

JOSEPH. Pshaw! blockhead! to suppose that I should now be in a temper to receive visits from poor relations!——Well, why don’t you show the fellow up?

SERVANT. I will, sir.——Why, sir, it was not my fault that Sir Peter discovered my lady——

JOSEPH. Go, fool!

Exit SERVANT.

—Sure Fortune never played a man of my policy such a trick before. My character with Sir Peter, my hopes with Maria, destroyed in a moment! I’m in a rare humour to listen to other people’s distresses! I shan’t be able to bestow even a benevolent sentiment on Stanley.—So! here he comes, and Rowley with him. I must try to recover myself, and put a little charity into my face, however.

Exit.

Enter SIR OLIVER SURFACE and ROWLEY.

SIR OLIVER. What! does he avoid us?—That was he, was it not?

ROWLEY. It was, sir. But I doubt you are come a little too abruptly. His nerves are so weak, that the sight of a poor relation may be too much for him. I should have gone first to break it to him.

SIR OLIVER. Oh, plague of his nerves! Yet this is he whom Sir Peter extols as a man of the most benevolent way of thinking!

ROWLEY. As to his way of thinking, I cannot pretend to decide; for, to do him justice, he appears to have as much speculative benevolence as any private gentleman in the kingdom, though he is seldom so sensual as to indulge himself in the exercise of it.

SIR OLIVER. Yet has a string of charitable sentiments at his fingers’ ends.

ROWLEY. Or rather, at his tongue’s end, Sir Oliver; for I believe there is no sentiment he has such faith in as that “Charity begins at home.”

SIR OLIVER. And his, I presume, is of that domestic sort which never stirs abroad at all.

ROWLEY. I doubt you’ll find it so;—but he’s coming. I mustn’t seem to interrupt you; and you know immediately as you leave him, I come in to announce your arrival in your real character.

SIR OLIVER. True; and afterwards you’ll meet me at Sir Peter’s.

ROWLEY. Without losing a moment.

Exit.

SIR OLIVER. I don’t like the complaisance of his features.

Enter JOSEPH SURFACE.

JOSEPH. Sir, I beg you ten thousand pardons for keeping you a moment waiting——Mr. Stanley, I presume.—

SIR OLIVER. At your service.

JOSEPH. Sir, I beg you will do me the honour to sit down—I entreat you, sir!—

SIR OLIVER. Dear sir—there’s no occasion——too civil by half! [Aside. JOSEPH. I have not the pleasure of knowing you, Mr. Stanley; but I am extremely happy to see you look so well. You were nearly related to my mother, I think, Mr. Stanley?

SIR OLIVER. I was, sir;—so nearly that my present poverty, I fear, may do discredit to her wealthy children, else I should not have presumed to trouble you.

JOSEPH. Dear sir, there needs no apology:—he that is in distress, though a stranger, has a right to claim kindred with the wealthy. I am sure I wish I was of that class, and had it in my power to offer you even a small relief.

SIR OLIVER. If your uncle, Sir Oliver, were here, I should have a friend.

JOSEPH. I wish he was, sir, with all my heart: you should not want an advocate with him, believe me, sir.

SIR OLIVER. I should not need one—my distresses would recommend me. But I imagined his bounty would enable you to become the agent of his charity.

JOSEPH. My dear sir, you were strangely misinformed. Sir Oliver is a worthy man, a very worthy man; but avarice, Mr. Stanley, is the vice of age. I will tell you, my good sir, in confidence, what he has done for me has been a mere nothing; though people, I know, have thought otherwise, and, for my part, I never chose to contradict the report.

SIR OLIVER. What! has he never transmitted you bullion—rupees—pagodas?

JOSEPH. Oh, dear sir, nothing of the kind:—No, no—a few presents now and then—china, shawls, congou tea, avadavats, and Indian crackers—little more, believe me.

SIR OLIVER. Here’s gratitude for twelve thousand pounds!—Avadavats and Indian crackers! [Aside.

JOSEPH. Then, my dear sir, you have heard, I doubt not, of the extravagance of my brother: there are very few would credit what I have done for that unfortunate young man.

SIR OLIVER. Not I, for one! [Aside.

JOSEPH. The sums I have lent him!—Indeed I have been exceedingly to blame; it was an amiable weakness: however, I don’t pretend to defend it,—and now I feel it doubly culpable, since it has deprived me of the pleasure of serving you, Mr. Stanley, as my heart dictates.

SIR OLIVER. Dissembler! [Aside.]—Then, sir, you can’t assist me?

JOSEPH. At present, it grieves me to say, I cannot; but, whenever I have the ability, you may depend upon hearing from me.

SIR OLIVER. I am extremely sorry

JOSEPH. Not more than I, believe me;—to pity without the power to relieve, is still more painful than to ask and be denied.

SIR OLIVER. Kind sir, your most obedient humble servant.

JOSEPH. You leave me deeply affected, Mr. Stanley. William, be ready to open the door.

SIR OLIVER. Oh, dear sir, no ceremony.

JOSEPH. Your very obedient.

SIR OLIVER. Sir, your most obsequious.

JOSEPH. You may depend upon hearing from me, whenever I can be of service.

SIR OLIVER. Sweet sir, you are too good!

JOSEPH. In the meantime I wish you health and spirits.

SIR OLIVER. Your ever grateful and perpetual humble servant.

JOSEPH. Sir, yours as sincerely.

SIR OLIVER. Charles, you are my heir! [Aside.

Exit.

JOSEPH. This is one bad effect of a good character; it invites application from the unfortunate, and there needs no small degree of address to gain the reputation of benevolence without incurring the expense. The silver ore of pure charity is an expensive article in the catalogue of a man’s good qualities; whereas the sentimental French plate I use instead of it makes just as good a show, and pays no tax.

Enter ROWLEY.

ROWLEY. Mr. Surface, your servant: I was apprehensive of interrupting you, though my business demands immediate attention, as this note will inform you.

JOSEPH. Always happy to see Mr. Rowley. [Reads the letter.]—Sir Oliver Surface!—My uncle arrived!

ROWLEY. He is, indeed: we have just parted—quite well, after a speedy voyage, and impatient to embrace his worthy nephew.

JOSEPH. I am astonished!—William! stop Mr. Stanley, if he’s not gone.

ROWLEY. Oh! he’s out of reach, I believe.

JOSEPH. Why did you not let me know this when you came in together?

ROWLEY. I thought you had particular business;—but I must be gone to inform your brother, and appoint him here to meet your uncle. He will be with you in a quarter of an hour.

JOSEPH. So he says. Well, I am strangely overjoyed at his coming.——Never, to be sure, was anything so damned unlucky. [Aside.

ROWLEY. You will be delighted to see how well he looks.

JOSEPH. Ah! I’m rejoiced to hear it——Just at this time! [Aside.

ROWLEY. I’ll tell him how impatiently you expect him.

JOSEPH. Do, do; pray give my best duty and affection. Indeed, I cannot express the sensations I feel at the thought of seeing him.—

Exit ROWLEY.

—Certainly his coming just at this time is the cruellest piece of ill-fortune!

Exit.

Scene II.—SIR PETER TEAZLE’s

Enter MRS. CANDOUR and MAID.

MAID. Indeed, ma’am, my lady will see nobody at p...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Note
• Table of Contents
• A PORTRAIT
• PROLOGUE
• DRAMATIS PERSONÆ
• ACT I
• ACT II
• ACT III
• ACT IV
• ACT V